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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Any Data Port In A Storm

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (It is shortly after a Hurricane Katrina. We caught some heavy winds and high water. The customer is in a beach-front condo. Tier one customer support has just forwarded me this customer’s ticket and call.)

    Me: “This is tier three support. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a really dumb question.”

    Me: “That’s okay. I work in IT. I’m used it them.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’m in [Condo] and there’s no power. My laptop has a good battery though. Is my internet out because of the power outage?”

    Me: “Yes. Our equipment is tied into the building power. Can I ask how you’re in [Condo]? The entire first floor is blown out and under water.”

    Customer: “I stayed here during the storm. Dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m trapped and bored.”

    Me: “Do you need me to contact rescue?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Thank you. They know I’m here. I waved to them this morning.”

    (I talked to the customer for another hour because neither of us were busy. I wonder how long he was trapped there. Our service didn’t restore for at least three weeks.)

    Prices To Put You In The Black

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am working as a barista in the coffee kiosk in the mall. We periodically get people complaining that our prices are higher than in the regular stores. Also, there is an extremely large sign posted on the register stating that we can’t take any bills larger than $20.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $3.36.”

    Customer: *grumbles* “Your drinks are so expensive!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a franchise run through another company so our prices do average a few cents higher.”

    Customer: *still grumbling, pulls out an $100 bill and shoves it at me*

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t take any bills larger than $20. Do you have another denomination or a card?”

    Customer: *opens wallet, pulls out a black American Express card, and hands it over grumpily while I try not to stare*

    Customer: “YOUR DRINKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!”

    Fingers Crossed They Were Joking

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a supervisor at the store. Most shifts only have one cashier up front. I walk up to the front of the store during a closing shift.)

    Cashier: “So the customer I just finished ringing up wanted to know how many fingers I have.”

    Me: “… Sorry. What?”

    Cashier: “Yeah. That’s what I thought, too, so I asked him what he said and he asked ‘how many fingers do you have?’”

    Me: “What did you say?”

    Cashier: “I asked him why he wanted to know. He told me he needed to know how many I had before he cut them off.”

    Me: “…”

    Cashier: “I’m kind of hoping I heard him wrong. But I don’t think I want to go outside by myself after we close.”

    Me: “Yeah. We’ll leave the store together tonight, and I’ll make sure your ride’s out there before we do.”

    Cashier: “Thanks! To be honest, I’m feeling really creeped out right now!”

    Double Blush

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working near the fitting rooms in a department store one afternoon when an older lady approaches me.)

    Older Lady: “Hello, dear!”

    Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Older Lady: “I was just wondering, dear: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes, I do.”

    Older Lady: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush.”

    Me: “Aww, thank you!”

    (With a smile on her face, the older lady leaves. I wish her a nice day as she goes. Just a few seconds later, a completely different older lady appears out from between the clothes racks. She looks rather excited.)

    Older Lady #2: “Oh, hello there, sweetie! I was just wondering: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

    Me: “Um… Yes? Yes, I do.”

    Older Lady #2: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush!”

    Me: “…”

    Obama And Aliens And Popes, Oh My

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (I am starting to shut down my food cart. It has a ‘Now Hiring’ sign, which lists the wages. A man in his 40s walks up to take a food sample.)

    Customer: “You know, if you lived in North Dakota you could get an easier job at $15/hour.”

    Me: “Uh, that’s nice.”

    Customer: “But that’ll change when Obama takes over the country. The wages will drop then.”

    Me: “… That’s okay. I’m actually planning on moving to Canada in the next couple of years.”

    Customer: *suspicious look* “Canada… You know who I’d trust to run my health care?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “You. But I wouldn’t trust the Government. They’re shady.

    Me: “Yeah. The government does seem to hide a lot from us.”

    Customer: “It’s all because of Israel and The Vatican, anyway. Have you heard of the Jesuits?”

    Me: “… Kind of?”

    Customer: “Well, the black pope is running the Vatican from Jerusalem. See, he thinks the Ark of the Covenant is there. That’s why he wants to sit atop it and rule the world from there. He’s the one who’s actually in control of the Vatican, and running the USA.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “That’s why the USA likes Israel so much! It’s all because the Vatican is baptizing aliens.”

    Me: “Aliens like… foreigners?”

    Customer: “No, aliens! You know… The greys, the lizard people…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Anyway, Obama. His name isn’t even Barack. He grew up in Indonesia, and people called him ‘Barry.’”

    Me: “Well, Mitt Romney’s first name is actually Willard, which is worse in my opinion.”

    Customer: “Hmm… That’s true…” *gives thoughtful suspicious look, as if he’s now distrustful of Romney*

    Me: *coughs*

    Customer: “Anyway. North Dakota. Think about it.” *walks off*

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