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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Whirlwind Romance

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I am talking to a guest who walked out of the dining room and came into the gift shop to look around.)

    Me: “If you need anything or have any questions let me know.”

    Guest: “Well I do have a question: are you single?”

    Me: *hesitant* “Yes… Why?”

    Guest: “Well, I have as son who just got a promotion and needs a girlfriend. I was wondering if you would marry him for his money, power, or love?”

    Me: “I’d marry someone for love.”

    Guest: “Good. I don’t want to introduce him to someone who is just after his money and power.”

    Me: “Well, that’s good. Where does he work and what is his new position since he got his promotion?”

    Guest: “He’s the head operator of the ’tilt-a-whirl’ at the fair!”

    Me: *trying hard not to laugh* “Oh, well then, I’d marry him for his crazy amount of power!”

    Body Of Lies

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the ‘special collections’ department for the local authority. My job is to cover the reception area and take any orders for special collections over the counter. Usually people come in to get things such as TVs, furniture, and such uplifted.)

    Customer: “Hi. Is this the right office for booking a collection?”

    Me: “Yes. How many items do you need uplifted?”

    Customer: “Just one.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Is this for a business a personal residence?”

    Customer: “Personal Residence.” *leans closer to me over the counter in a creepy manner* “Is there any way this can be done discreetly?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “I mean, can you not record my details. Can I just have the uplift, and pay extra to not have my details logged?”

    Me: “Um… No, not really. That’s not how we do it. We have to record your details. Now, what do you need uplifted?”

    Customer: “A dead body.”

    (We stare at each other in silence whilst I have the biggest mental panic attack ever. A few seconds pass before the customer bursts out laughing.)

    Customer: “I am so sorry. I’m just messing with you. You’re face was priceless! I have ALWAYS wanted to do that!”

    (The customer left, still laughing, while I stood there with my mouth hanging open in complete shock and amusement.)

    A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

    Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

    Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

    Wouldn’t Want To Be In Their Shoes

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I work for the post office at their retail support. We take calls from our retail stores. Outside of every store there are postboxes. They are locked with a special key that only post office employees have. It’s a Saturday afternoon.)

    Me: “Welcome to retail support. You are talking to [My Name]. What can I help you with?”

    Caller: “Hi. It is [Name] from [Retail Store]. There are two guys here and they have a question. You see, they were fighting outside and one of them got so angry that he took the other person’s shoes and put them in the postbox. So, they wonder what we can do?”

    Me: “Excuse me… Did you just say someone put another person’s shoes in the postbox?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I know. I can’t stop laughing. One of the guys’ dads is here and wonders if there is anything we can do?”

    Me: “Yeah. I can send someone out to your store to open the postbox for them. But, since the customer himself has put something in the box that shouldn’t be there, they will be charged. Else they will have to wait till next time the box will be emptied.”

    Caller: “Okay. Wait a second.”

    (The employee gives the information to the customer and comes back to me.)

    Caller: “They say they will wait until Monday for it to get opened. Thank you for your help. Bye!”

    Me: *feeling confused* “Bye…”

    Coworker: “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

    Me: “Yep…”

    There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cafe and bar that is attached to a movie theater. On this evening, we are somewhat slammed due to a highly anticipated movie release. While I am working the bar I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer #1: “I need to return these fries.”

    Coworker #1: “Of course. What was wrong with them, ma’am?

    Customer #1: “There’s too much sugar!”

    (Both of my co-workers just stare blankly for a few seconds.)

    Coworker #2: “Did you mean, there’s too much salt?”

    Customer #1: “No! Sugar! There’s too much sugar on these fries! I want salt!”

    Coworker #1: “Let me replace your order for you, ma’am…”

    (At this point, many of the customers at the bar and I are struggling to not laugh out loud. While my coworker tries to explain to the cooks exactly what’s going on, the customer moves out of the way for the person next-in-line.)

    Customer #2: *sarcastically* “I want an order of your fries, and, for the love of all that is good: No. Sugar. Please. No. Sugar!”

    (Many of the customers lose it at this point. All of a sudden, we hear a cook scream out to our waitresses.)

    Cook: “We don’t even have sugar in the kitchen! Why would we have sugar?! Nothing we make has sugar! On top of that, WHO PUTS SUGAR ON FRIES?!”

    (I couldn’t get my fist in my mouth in time to stop my laughter. The best part was, the customer in question never even noticed any of this happening!)

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