Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

(I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

Customer: “What’s that mean?”

(He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

(He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

Me: “… because it’s funny?”

(I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

A Sad State Of The Union

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I work in a very well known college’s credit union. I am working the front desk with one of my coworkers when a younger looking man walks in.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering what this place is?”

Me: *confused* “This is the [College] credit union.”

Customer: “Oh, that explains why everyone coming out of here looks so depressed.”

(The customer left without another word leaving me and my coworker laughing and wondering what just happened.)

Going On A Duck Tale

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(My office phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other line sounds like it belongs to an elderly gentleman who may be hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, [Prison]. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi. Yes, this is [Caller] from [Small, Rural Town] and I need a duck license.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir?”

Caller: “I need a duck license. I know I can get one on the Internet, but the Internet is not good out here in [Small, Rural Town].”

Me: “Sir, I think you got the wrong number.”

Caller: “We have so many ducks out here. I need a duck license. I know I can get them on the Internet, but I can’t use the Internet so I need you to help me with a duck license.”

Me: “Sir, you have called the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “You see there are so many ducks around here. So I need your help with a license…”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “… and I need it because there are so many ducks and I need a license to shoot them…”

Me: “Sir? I think you wanted fish and game.”

Caller: “… but I can’t get on the Internet, so I need you to give me a license.”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “The what? Who did I call?”

Me: “You called the prison, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, you can’t help me at all then…”

Me: “Let me get you the number to fish and game.”

(He was very nice and appreciative, and his wrong number made my day!)

Caribbean There, Done That

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geography

(I’m a volunteer lunch-server in a nursing home, but I’ve spent the last month working in the south of France. I’ve picked up a slight tan, but usually my skin is as white as it gets. One lady stares at me oddly as I bring her her food.)

Lady: “Where are you from?”

Me: “From here, ma’am. I live a few roads away.”

Lady: “No, I mean where were you born?”

Me: “Finchley, originally, but I moved—”

Lady: “No, no, no. Where are you from?”

Me: “Uh. London, ma’am. Britain.”

Lady: “And your parents?”

Me: “Also from London.”

Lady: *squints at me* “No, you’re lying. There’s no shame in being Jamaican, you know. You can tell me.”

Me: “I… What?”

Half-Baked Conviction

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer calls into the bakery from another state wanting to order some baked goods for a friend of hers in our city. She begins the conversation trying to ascertain that we were a popular bakery, and that people in the city actually buy from us. This line of questioning takes about 10 minutes.)

Caller: “Between you, me, and the light post, do your baked goods actually taste good?”

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