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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

    | USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

    Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

    Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

    Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

    Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

    Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

    Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

    Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

    Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

    Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

    (The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming!”

    Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

    Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

    (The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

    Doesn’t Have A Glue

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (We have bottles of hand sanitizer at the pick-up and drop off counters for customers to use if they please.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “WHAT DID I JUST PUT ON MY HANDS?”

    Me: “Er, what?”

    Customer: *waving hands frantically* “What’s in that bottle? It’s not glue is it? My hands aren’t going to stick to my cart when I touch it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s just hand sanitizer.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks! Have a good day!”

    (The customer leaves without getting anything from the dispensary.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Why the h*** would we have glue in squirt bottles?”

    To Kill A Flirtation

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A man has just brought his two dogs in, named Scout and Atticus.)

    Me: “Your dogs are so cute and sweet!”

    Owner: “Oh, thanks!”

    Me: “I love their names! To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book! It’s a shame your last name isn’t Finch. Haha!”

    Owner: “Yeah… It’s also my wife’s favorite. My VERY pregnant wife. And three kids.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.”

    Owner: “Yeah. I’m married. And I have three kids.”

    Me: “O… kay…”

    (Once the owner leaves, my boss starts cracking up.)

    Boss: “[My Name]! Stop hitting on our clients!”

    Me: “I wasn’t! I was just being nice!”

    Boss: “Oh, my God. That was hilarious.”

    Me: “But… I was just being polite and making conversation!”

    (After that, I was a little more careful with whom I struck up a conversation. The man and his family are now regular clients. I’m glad I didn’t scare them off!)

    With A Side Order Of Hypocrisy

    | ID, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It’s my first night shift at my new job. Two customers come in at around 9 pm.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Can I have a chicken sandwich?”

    Customer #2: “Ugh. Don’t do that! All the food here is crap! It’s CRAP! You’ll get FAT!”

    Me: *awkwardly* “So… would you like—”

    Customer #2: “It isn’t real food here, anyway. It’s all processed and fake!”

    Customer #1: “Are you getting something or not?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah.” *to me* “Gimme two double cheeseburgers and a medium fry.”

    Kiss-mas Time

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (My grandmother has taken me to work. She buys a shirt before leaving. Before she goes she gives me a kiss goodbye. I start ringing up another customer.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s $20.”

    (The customer hands me the money and leans over counter with his lips puckered.)

    Me: “Uh, sir? What are you doing?”

    Customer: “The other lady got a kiss. I want one too!”

    Me: “That was my grandmother.”

    Customer: “So what? I’m good looking! KISS ME!”

    (My boss walks over after seeing the whole thing.)

    Boss: “You need to go.”

    Customer: “Oh come on. Not even for Christmas?”

    Boss: “LEAVE!”

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