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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Problematic Customers

    | Marble Falls, TX, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer is standing in front of the freezer case I want something out of. I inch around her and smile at her.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “It’s no problem!”

    Customer: *sobering suddenly* “I could MAKE it a problem if you want.”

    Me: “… Please don’t kill me?”

    The Great Intelligence Disconnect

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

    (About 30 seconds pass.)

    Me: “Are you there, sir?”

    Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

    Guaranteed Room For Improvement

    | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (I am checking in a guest. I do the usual: swipe his card, and make the keys.)

    Me: “Here are your keys, sir. Please sign this registration card.”

    Guest: “No problem!” *signs with a flourish and takes keys*

    (The computer beeps, and shows that his card was declined.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Sir? Sir?”

    Guest: *looks over at me while walking away*

    Me: “Your card was declined. Do you have another?”

    Guest: *blank stare* “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that I can’t let you have the room unless you give us another method of payment.”

    (I hold my hand out for the keys. The guest clutches them to his chest keeps walking away, faster this time.)

    Me: “Sir, please give me back the keys.”

    Guest: “No! I made a reservation… therefore… I am guaranteed a room! Guaranteed!” *runs off*

    (The guest disappeared in the elevator before I could catch him, and was in his room in a flash. He set the deadbolt and ignored all calls and knocks. Finally the authorities had to BREAK down the door to the room and he was hauled away, yelling that he was ‘guaranteed’ a room and that he would complain to corporate. He did, and was charged for the cost of a new door.)

    Suffering A Bipolar Vortex

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Canada, Wild & Unruly

    (I am from California but am visiting some family in Toronto. It’s late December and extremely cold. I’m at a liquor store with my cousin when the customer behind me notices my California ID.)

    Customer: “You’re a long way from home! What brings you out here?”

    Me: “I’m visiting some family.”

    Customer: “What do you think about the weather?”

    Me: “It’s actually quite refreshing. It’s nice having a change of scenery but I don’t think I could do this all the time.”

    Customer: *huffy* “Well, it’s not like this all the time! It’s only cold for about five months! How dare you assume that, you ignorant American!”

    Me: “No, no, no. Of course I know it’s not cold year round. I meant that I personally couldn’t deal with the winter months every year!”

    Customer: “You lying b****! You’re just trying to cover your a**! You stupid Americans think we just live in igloos. I know your type!”

    Me: “I promise you I don’t think that it’s this cold year round. I’ve come to visit many times in the summer.”

    Customer: “Stupid American b****!”

    (My cousin and I just walk away while she continues to hurl insults at me.)

    Giving Her A Good Dressing Down

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a 17-year-old high school student in the supermarket after school. I am in my uniform buying some study snacks to take home. I’m wandering down the chips and confectionary aisle, when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer #1: “Why is your dress so short?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (My dress is about two inches above my knee, and I’m 5’7″ tall.)

    Customer #1: “Girls should be wearing longer dresses!”

    (The customer then lunges for my dress, attempting to pull it down. Another customer sees and then intervenes.)

    Customer #2: “Geez, leave her alone.”

    (The first customer begins walking off but not before leaving me with this little gem:)

    Customer #1: “She’ll be pregnant before the year is out unless she gets a longer dress.”

    Related:
    Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

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