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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Un-American Idiots

    | Italy | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

    Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

    Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

    Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

    Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

    Both Girls: “Yeah!”

    Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

    Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

    Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

    Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

    (As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

    Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

    Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

    Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

    Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

    Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

    (My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

    Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

    Me: “Yeah.”

    (My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

    Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”

    Dial Down The Crazy

    | USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I work at a large call center for a major credit card company. About once a month, our managers sit with us and listen in on calls to help improve customer service.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [me]. May I have your name?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “…alright, well do you have your account number, so I can assist you today?”

    Caller: “I don’t carry that with me.”

    Me: “Well then, how can I help today?”

    Caller: “I don’t know; you called me.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t call you.”

    Caller: “Yes, you did. How else would I be talking to you?”

    Me: “Ma’am did you dial our number?”

    Caller: “Well, yeah.”

    Me: “So technically you called us.”

    Caller: “No I didn’t!”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

    Caller: “I guess you can’t.”

    (The caller hangs up, and I look at my manager.)

    Me: “Did that really happen?”

    Manager: “I have no words.”

    It’s Crazy Season(ing)

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

    Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

    Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

    (Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

    Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

    Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

    Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

    Customer: “Can I get them now?”

    Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

    Customer: “Can I get some more?”

    Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

    Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

    Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

    Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

    (My manager’s just shaking his head.)

    Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

    (The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

    Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

    Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

    Me: “—nice day.”

    Pay Attention

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (One of our registers has been closed all day, with plenty of signs to say so. A customer runs up to me with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “Pay! I need to pay!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this register is currently closed. The nearest open registers are—”

    Customer: *holds out a sweater to me* “Pay?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this register is closed. The nearest open register is just down that way.”

    Customer: “No, no, I need to PAY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this register is closed. Closed.” *I speak slowly* “I cannot work the register for you. They are locked. Only a manager can—”

    (The customer starts writhing around in a strange manner, with her sweater held over her stomach and her legs bowed together.)

    Customer: “Oh, I need to pay! So bad!”

    (One of my coworkers has a brainwave and comes up to the customer.)

    Coworker: “Excuse me, do you need a restroom? A bathroom?”

    Customer: *looks at my coworker cheerfully* “I can pay?”

    Coworker: “You need to… pee? A bathroom?”

    Customer: “Pay!”

    (The customer begins energetically following my coworker.)

    Coworker: “The bathrooms are just down this way; if you follow this aisle, turn left up here and—”

    Customer: “No! I need to PAY!”

    (The customer runs off, completely ignoring my coworker’s directions. We still aren’t entirely sure what she was asking for!)

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”


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