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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Reached Their Tea Total

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hello. Do you have any tea?”

    Me: “Yes. Caffeinated teas: we have an English breakfast black, an  Earl Grey, and a China green. Herbal: we have mint, hibiscus, peach, and chamomile.”

    Customer: “That’s too overwhelming.” *walks out*

    Don’t (Mi)Stress Over It

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque

    (Most of the clients are 18-year-old girls getting their navels done or university students wanting unusual cartilage piercings. It is a really friendly place with a good reputation. I get a call:)

    Caller: “Hello? I was wondering if your studio has specific facilities?”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help, sir. What kind of facilities—”

    Caller: *cuts me off* “DON’T CALL ME SIR.” *in deadly serious whisper* “Call me mistress.”

    Me: “Ah… yes, mistress?”

    Caller: “That’s better. Is the studio sound-proof?”

    Me: “No, mistress. I can’t say that it is.”

    Caller: “I see. Does it have restraints?”

    (The man in question goes on to ask an increasingly creepy list of demands. It turns out he’s a professional dominatrix and apparently people pay money to live with him and be his ‘slaves.’ Needless to say we weren’t what he was looking for, so I suggested he contact a few establishments located in the ‘sex industry’ areas of the city, who might be able to help.)

    Me: “… anyway, mistress, to sum up for you, we just don’t do that sort of thing here. I hope [Other Business Names] will be able to assist you.”

    Caller: *absolutely delighted* “Oh, you have been so helpful! Please, call me by my Christian name: Mistress Alexi!”

    Boss: *after telling her all about it* “I’m pretty open-minded, but no way in h*** is there anything Christian about that!”

    Has Beef With And In The Grill

    , | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

    Me: “Is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

    Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

    (I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “Free food!”

    Nuts About Clams

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (An older gentlemen approaches me while I am stocking frozen meats.)

    Customer: “Where are the clams that are in the flyer?”

    Me: *slightly puzzled* “We haven’t had clams in this store in a long time, if ever.”

    Customer: “Well, I saw them in the flyer.”

    Me: “Do you have this flyer on you?”

    (I ask because half the time the customer produces a flyer from a completely different store.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Me: “One sec, I’ll fetch the current one…”

    (A few moments later.)

    Me: “They aren’t in here, sir.”

    Customer: “Ah, there. That’s them!”

    (He points to a picture of pistachios. In all fairness, in this photograph, they do look a bit like small clams. Between the resolution of the image and perhaps the old man’s eyesight, it’s an understandable mistake.)

    Me: “Sir, those are pistachios.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “…yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, do they taste like clams?”

    Going Gaga For Shoes

    , | ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (A young woman comes bursting into the store, flustered. She runs around all the aisles, frantically, at least three times. I watch her and go to walk over to help her, but she beats me to it and runs straight up to me, panting, sweating, red-faced, and a look of stress in her face.)

    Customer: “DO YOU HAVE LADY GAGA’S SHOES?! I NEED THEM!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t even know where you could even buy Lady Gaga’s shoes to start with. We don’t sell them here though…”

    Customer: “UGH! Not good. Not good… I ABSOLUTELY NEED LADY GAGA’S SHOES RIGHT NOW!”

    (She then bolted out the door, as if she was running from a pack of lions. The other customers and I just stood there for a moment to take in what just happened.)


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