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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The War On Terrorizing Customers

    | East Sussex, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, History

    (I, like many other Brits, like to wear a remembrance poppy through October and November. I work in an in-store bakery, inside a larger supermarket, where adornments are not usually permitted in case they fall off into our raw products. I have bought a remembrance poppy from the British Legion. I laminate the paper part to make it wipe-clean, and glue the stem to a safety pin, so it’s not likely to fall off my uniform. My manager gives me the go-ahead to wear it, and I am chuffed. Most customers who see it compliment me on work-proofing my poppy and being so keen to support the charity, however…)

    Customer: “Excuse me. What is THAT?!”

    Me: “What, sir?”

    Customer: That… that atrocity next to your name badge!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s a Remembrance Poppy, a charity symbol. To honour our war-dead and injured veterans.”

    Customer: “I know what it is, you blithering idiot! What have you done to it?”

    Me: “Sir, I customised it a little bit so it would be safe for me to wear in my work environment. Nobody else seems to mind. In fact, the poppy seller at the front of the store was telling me he wishes they’d make laminated or plastic poppies anyway.”

    Customer: “You’re defiling a religious symbol! You should be sued!”

    Me: “It has nothing to do with religion! It’s the emblem of a charity and a national symbol of remembrance. Plenty of people from all religions and countries lose their lives in the tragedy of warfare. I lost a friend in Afghanistan several years ago. Furthermore, once I have bought and paid for the poppy, it is my property to do with as I wish. Laminating it was not intended to be disrespectful, but rather the opposite.”

    Customer: “But—”          

    Me: “Can I ask you, sir, would you have reprimanded me for NOT wearing a poppy at all? I am quite young, after all. You might blame me and my generation for not caring about our veterans.”

    Customer: “Well, you young people can be quite disrespectful. I don’t approve of the means, but I guess I understand the motive.”

    Me: “So, can I actually help you, today, sir?”

    Customer: “Just think before you defile a religious symbol next time!” *walks away*

    You Can Hear The Irony From Here

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in the call centre for an insurance company. The caller I am speaking to is an elderly gentleman who has called to make sure his new hearing aids are covered under his policy.)

    Me: “Yes, hearing aids are fully covered under your contents policy. And the good news is that if you have to make a claim, you won’t have to pay an excess.”

    Caller: “What was that, dear?”

    Me: “If you need to make a claim for your hearing aids you won’t have to pay any excess.”

    Caller: “No, I still didn’t get that.”

    Me: *nearly shouting* “IF YOU NEED TO CLAIM FOR YOUR HEARING AIDS IT WON’T COST YOU ANYTHING! WE’LL REPLACE THEM FOR FREE!”

    Caller: *cheerfully* “You must be thinking; ‘why hasn’t he got the f****** things in?’”

    Fresh Out Of Fresh

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

    (I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

    Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How fresh is it?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is.”

    (The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

    Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

    Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

    Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

    Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (She pays and walks out the door.)

    Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

    Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”

    Not Game For The Games

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (A lovely, little old lady is wandering around the game store where I work. She picks up a copy of ‘Empires’ and turns to me.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It is a turn based strategy game. You control an army, the opponent controls an army, and you take turns to—”

    Customer: “Yes, but what is it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s kind of like the game ‘Risk.’ There are some games that happen in ‘real time,’ where you and the opponent move at the same time, but this one—”

    Customer: “Yes, but is it a book, a CD, a board game?”

    Me: “It’s a computer game, madam. This is a computer game shop.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (She wanders off, picks up another game, and asks another sales associate.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

    | France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

    Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

    Patient: “Which one?”

    Me: “Which one what?”

    Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

    Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

    Patient: “D***.”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”


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