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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a popular clothing store chain. I notice a woman browsing so I approach her.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find anything?”

    Her: “Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I’m sure I can flag down a staff member soon.”

    Me: “I am a staff member.”

    (She looks at me, somewhat shocked.)

    Her: “You?! You don’t look like you work here at all!”

    (I laughed and showed her my store ID. She blushed and apologised profusely. This actually happened on numerous occasions over the time I worked there. Every staff member looked quite similar: bleached blonde hair, long fake nails, tight, revealing clothing, and sandals or heels. Then there was me: naturally dark blonde, wearing the most subtle and body covering clothing the store carried, and sneakers. It was no wonder!)

    Unable To Deconstruct Their Reasoning

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working a summer job as an administrative assistant on a construction site. As part of my job, I go into a major office supply store for supplies quite often. Working on site I always have to wear a day-glo reflective shirt, jeans, and work boots, obviously a very different uniform than any retail store. Also, I would usually be very dusty because of the conditions on the work site.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where can I find the binders that are on sale?”

    Me: *ignoring her because I think she’s talking to a nearby employee*

    Customer: “Excuse me!” *grabs my shoulder*

    Me: *jumping back* “Uh…”

    Customer: “Oh, do you not work here?”

    Me: “Obviously not.”

    Customer: “No need to be rude!”

    (Another time, same store. Standing in line at the check-out, a customer in front of me wants to make a return. The cashier has to call the manager.)

    Cashier: *calls manager over speakers*

    Customer: *clears throat and looks at me*

    Me: *ignores her*

    Customer: *clears throat again, loudly*

    Me: “Uh… yes?”

    Customer: “Why are you just standing there? I need to make a return.”

    Me: “That is precisely why I’m standing here. I’m waiting for you.”

    Customer: “You’re just standing around while the cashier needs your help?! I don’t have all day, you know!”

    Me: “Oh. I don’t work here.”

    (The manager arrives, does the transaction, and the lady leaves.)

    Cashier: “You’re obviously wearing construction clothes. Why would anyone think you work here?”

    Me: “I honestly could not tell you. But this is not the first time it has happened.”

    (By the end of the summer, about 80% of the time I went to that store, a customer would mistake me for an employee. It became a running joke between me and the store staff.)

    I Used To Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m currently shopping at a department store. I did in fact work in this store… more than ten years ago. Since then it has renovated twice, totally reorganizing the layout and expanding the tiny grocery section to nearly full supermarket size, but because I shop there so often I know my way around. I also have long hair, for a male, that I keep well washed and trimmed in a ponytail.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me, I know you don’t work here, but do you know where [products] are?”

    Me: “Last I saw them, they were down just on the other side of the produce stuff.”

    Customer #1: “Thank you!”

    (Another customer approaches after this exchange.)

    Customer #2: “Wait, you work here?”

    Me: “Not for about a decade, no.”

    Customer #2: “Then why did you help her?”

    Me: “Because she asked and I knew?”

    Customer #2: “Well, that’s horribly rude of you! You’re taking away the jobs of the people that still work!”

    Me: “No, I was saving someone the hassle of either finding an employee, or buzzing for one and having to wait.”

    Customer #2: “That’s still the employees’ job! And what, you quit a decade ago and you’re still not working?!”

    Me: *laughing at this point* “Are you serious? WHY would you think that?!”

    Customer #2: “That ridiculous hair of yours, for one. You look like a slob!”

    Me: “Funny, that’s not what the CEO of the company said when he was congratulating me on my promotion to the manager of the shipping department where I work now. Now, do YOU need help finding anything? Or can I get back to getting my groceries?”

    (I’m not sure whether she was more astounded by the fact that I ‘dared’ talk back to her, or that I was calm yet laughing the whole time, but she was still giving me a death glare when I went to go about my business!)

    Marriage Of The Undead

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a call center for a student loan servicing company. I deal with many difficult callers each day, as people get very upset over their loans. I have just spent an hour arguing with a woman as to why her loans were delinquent and I am quite frazzled.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I received a letter from you that says ”our condolences on the loss of your son.”

    (I check the account. The borrower has indeed been reported as deceased and we are waiting for the death certificate in order to discharge the loans.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Do you have any questions on the discharge process?”

    Caller: “Yes. My son isn’t dead.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you want to talk to him?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, please.”

    Caller: “Okay. Here he is.”

    Son: “Hello. As far as I know, I am not dead, unless I am the first recorded instance of the zombie apocalypse.”

    (At this point I start giggling helplessly. The son laughs, too.)

    Son: “Out of curiosity, why do you guys think I’m dead?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you were reported deceased by [Name].”

    Son: “Oh. That’s my ex-wife. She must have been trying to mess up my credit. Is this going to hurt me at all?”

    Me: “Not in the slightest, sir.”

    Son: “Ha. Sucks to be her. Have a lovely day, miss.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Please don’t bite anyone.”

    Son: “But where’s the fun in that?”

    Try To Flush This Customer From Your System

    | Mankato, MN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am looking at cold medicine when a man stops me.)

    Man: “Excuse me; do you know where the laxatives are?”

    (Assuming he had a good reason for asking a stranger, I show him a few aisles over.)

    Man: “Oh, this can’t be right… What about suppositories?”

    (Very awkward items to ask for, but I find them and try to walk away.)

    Man: “This goes where? Oh god! I am trying this new diet thing… But it can’t be correct.”

    Me: “Well, there are some diets these days that try to ‘flush’ you out, so it’s not uncommon.”

    (Visually perplexed, he sets them back and mumbles:)

    Me: “I better rethink this.”

    (I quickly wander to a completely different section of the store, and shortly after, he came up to me again.)

    Man: “So, do you even work here?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Man: “Huh…” *he slowly walks away*

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