October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Jesus On The Munchies

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Religion

(I am a cashier at this restaurant.)

Customer: “I would like three sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $3.65.”


Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to just give you a free meal.”

Customer: “BUT I AM JESUS. YOU MUST.” *he grabs the sandwiches and starts eating them*

Me: “What would Jesus do?”

Customer: “AHHH!” *throws a fit*

Manager: “You are banned from this restaurant, Jesus.”

(He paid with his credit card and his name was not Jesus, but Paul.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 42

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(The customer in question is trying to purchase just under $300 worth of material. Their card declines.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me go outside and call my bank.”

(Comes back in a few minutes later on the phone.)

Customer: “Can you take a check over the phone?”

Me: “Do you mean a credit card?”

Customer: “No, a check. Like if I give you all the information off it can you take it over the phone?”

Me: “…No. I can’t take a check over the phone, sorry.”

(His wife shows up 15 minutes later with a check. I run in through our machine just to be safe. It is also declined.)

Me: “Sorry, your check was also declined. I’ll only be able to take cash as payment.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why it won’t go through! We just deposited $30,000 yesterday!”

Me: *trying to hide my skepticism* “I’m sorry for the trouble. Sometimes banks can be troublesome. Maybe you should call them again?”

(They went outside to ‘call their bank’ but ended up leaving in their new SUV, and new trucking pulling their new trailer.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39

Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed Tomorrow

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Time

(The Saturday issue of the local paper we sell is called the “Sunday Early Edition” since it contains a section of coupons, classified ads, etc. A customer brings one such paper to the counter.)

Customer: “Just a tall coffee and the paper today.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $*.**!”

Customer: *looks down at paper* “Oh, I grabbed the wrong paper. Let me put this back.”

(He takes the paper back to the newspaper rack, and I assumed he wanted one of the national papers, but he comes back and slaps the local paper on the counter.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any of TODAY’S papers?”

Me: “Ah… sorry, what?”

Customer: “It’s only nine in the morning; you shouldn’t have tomorrow’s paper yet!”

Me:“Tomorrow’s paper? Sir, this is definitely today’s paper!”

Customer: “NO! It says SUNDAY on it, right there! It’s only Saturday!”

Me: “Yes, however the [Paper] calls its Saturday paper the “Sunday Early Edition” since it has coupons and such in it.”

Customer: “But it says SUNDAY! See? Every page says Sunday!”

Me: “I see it, sir, but that’s just what they call the Saturday paper. I assure you, it’s today’s paper. Tomorrow’s paper hasn’t been printed yet.”

Customer: “I’m putting this back. I don’t want tomorrow’s newspaper!” *walks off in a huff*

This Call Is Temporarily Frozen

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a call center for a large wireless company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Anna Arendelle.”

Me: “And the phone number please?”

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure!”

Customer: *singing* “Do you want to build a snowman? Or ride our bikes around the halls?”

Me: *starts laughing* “I think someone’s talking to pictures on the walls…”

Customer: “It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms, watching the hours tick by. Tick tock! BYE BYE!” *click*

(I was laughing so hard I had to take a break.)

Decision Derision

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Bizarre

(I work in the Historical Research Institute.)

Caller: *immensely cheerful* “Hi, this is Mrs. [Name] from Goodwill!”

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “How are you?”

Me: “I’m just fine. How are you?”

Caller: “I’m fine, too! Great! I was hoping I could talk to the owner. Is he there?”

Me: “The owner of this building is the National Monument Service, ma’am.”

Caller: “Nice! Is he there?”

Me: “Er, no, the National Monument Service is not here… That is a branch of the government.They have their own offices elsewhere.”

Caller: “Okay, great. Is the head decision maker there?”

Me: “The head decision maker about what in particular?”

Caller: “You know, the person who makes the decisions.”

Me: “In order to direct your call I need to know what decisions you mean, ma’am.”

Caller: “Well, who IS the decision maker?”

Me: *trying a new tack* “Ma’am, we are a subsidiary of the National Academy of Sciences. All high-level decisions originate there. They have their own offices.”

Caller: “No, who is YOUR main decision maker? There! Where you are! YOUR company!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we have various department heads and team leaders and in order to direct your call I need to know what kind of decision you mean when you ask for the head decision-maker.”

Caller: “Decisions about goodness, about having a heart! Decisions about decency! About children in need!”

Me: “Ma’am, I really am uncertain how to direct your call. Could you be more specific about the TYPE of decision that needs to be made?”

Caller: *waxing significantly less cheery* “YOU must have a direct superior. Who is YOUR direct superior?”

Me: “That is Mr. [Name], ma’am; he is in a meeting. But I—”

Caller: *now sounding pissed off* “FINE! I will call back tomorrow!” *click*

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