Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

High On Siridipity

| Belleville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

(I am working as a tech support agent for a major tech company, enjoying the slow part of the day, when a call comes it. It starts off normal enough, but gets strange rather quickly.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, man, my device won’t stop talking to me.”

Me: *can hear Siri talking in the background* “All right, I can certainly see what I can do to help you out with that.”

(I pull up his device’s information and see that it has no extended warranty, just the complimentary 90-day time period that is about to run out.)

Me: “All right, sir. Before we begin, would you be interested in purchasing our extended warranty?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: *explain the details of the extended warranty*

Customer: “Yeah, man, sounds good if I need it to stop her from talking.”

Me: “Er… well, you don’t need it right now, but it’s a good idea to have it.”

Customer: “If I need it for today, go ahead and set it up, man. I just… I just want to kill her so she’ll stop talking.”

(It is at this point I realize that the customer is rather high.)

Me: “Er… did you just say you want to kill Siri?”

Customer: “Yeah, man. She won’t shut up. I want to kill her.”

Me: “You mean turn her off?”

Customer: “No, I want to kill her.”

Me: “O-Okay, tell you what. You stay on the line. I’ll get my senior advisor on the line. He’s better suited to help you with this… situation.”

Customer: “Okay, man. Whatever you say.”

(I grabbed one of my senior advisors and explained the situation to him. He started laughing. I told him I was looking forward to reading the notes on the call and transferred the customer on over. I looked back at the notes later and they went as follows.)

Notes:

-Customer transferred over to me.

-Customer states that he wants to kill Siri.

-Suggest that we shut off Siri; attempt to guide customer through the steps.

-Customer has trouble following my steps.

-Customer proudly proclaims that Siri is now speaking Finnish.

-Recommend to Customer that we change Siri’s language back to English.

-Customer not willing to cooperate, wants to kill Siri.

-Recommend that he sleep the rest of the night and give us a call back the next morning.

Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

| USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

(We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

Me: “…”

Not Like A Kid In A Candy Store

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(The candy store I work in is located in the mall, so it’s pretty common to hear young children excitedly realizing that there’s a candy store. Today is really no different, so I simply chuckle when I hear a young boy start shouting.)

Boy: “Look! It’s the candy store! Candy store!”

(However, what he says next is a bit unusual.)

Boy: “And it’s all free, too!”

(Shocked, I rush to intercept the boy before he can actually get into the store, as we have bins right by the door which are easy for children to get into.)

Boy: “Free candy! Free candy! Free candy!”

Me: *alarmed* “Nothing is free! Nothing is free!

(The boy freezes in his tracks, just barely inside the store, and stares at me as though I’d just told him he was never getting another birthday present for the rest of his life.)

Boy: *betrayed* “NONE of it?!”

Me: “None of it!”

(He stared at me for a moment, then turned around and slowly trudged off. I’m just glad I was able to stop him!)

His Name Is Olaf And He Likes Hot Cheeseburgers

| AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am a male and take chats from the website of a large North American cable company.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company] sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Yes, [My Name], it’s Olaf!”

Me: “Hello, Olaf! How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “I need Internet, and I have a few questions. One: which service is best for gaming. Two: how much is a rental modem, and do you like cheeseburgers?”

Me: “Well, Olaf, that would be [Product], that modem is $3.99 per month, and I love cheeseburgers! Now, let’s get this ordered. I’ll be on with you to make sure all goes well!”

(The customer goes through the order without interruption, and an order number populates my screen.)

Me: “I see that order is [number]! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], that was easy! I have to say, my name really isn’t Olaf. It’s too bad I’m married, because I think I have a crush on you.”

Me: “Ha ha ha, And I, you, Not-Olaf!”

Customer: “If only this did not have to end.”

Me: “Alas, Not-Olaf all things come to an end. So I must ask: is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “D***, I knew you would say that! But I guess I’ve bothered you enough. Goodbye, sexy.”

Me: “Bye Not-Olaf! This made my day!”

(Customer closes chat.)

Say Neigh To Demanding Customers, Part 2

| Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large adventure playground which is situated in a park. We are strictly a ‘no pets allowed’ establishment; however, the park is popular with dog walkers and is used for obedience and agility classes, so it is a common occurrence to have people come along with their dogs and get frustrated when we have to turn them away. In this situation I am overhearing one of my coworkers speaking on the phone.)

Coworker #1: “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

(Pause.)

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our playground has a strict ‘no pets allowed’ policy.”

(Longer pause.)

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry to hear that, but we really can’t make exceptions.”

(Pause.)

Coworker #1: “Ye—” *pause* “But I—” *pause* “We—” *pause* “No, th—” *pause*

(This carries on for some time, until eventually my coworker seems to give up.)

Coworker #1: *speaking very loudly* “YES, MA’AM, I UNDERSTAND. I’M SORRY WE COULDN’T WORK THINGS OUT. HAVE A NICE DAY.”

(He hangs up the phone with force and drops his head to the counter.)

Coworker #2: “Another person wanting to bring their puppy in, huh?”

Coworker #1: “No. She wanted to bring her HORSE.”

Related:
Say Neigh To Demanding Customers

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