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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Maybe She Is Buying Lemongrass

    | KA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)

    Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

    Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”

    Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”

    Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”

    Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”

    (The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)

    Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”

    (The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)

    Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”

    Shell Shocked

    , | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is late at night, in the middle of summer. I’m working at the first window, taking orders as well as working the register. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; thankfully the driver is sober.)

    Me: “Good evening. Your total is $[total].”

    Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

    (The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment before handing me a wad of bills.)

    Me: “Alright. Here’s your change and your recei—”

    (I turn to hand him his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

    Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

    Me: “Er… no thanks.”

    Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

    (The customer tries to hand me the crab anyways.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take… tips?”

    Customer: “Aww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

    Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

    (My colleagues and I were all left wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

    Pass The Buck To Your Manager

    | IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

    Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

    Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

    Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

    (I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

    Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

    Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

    (We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

    Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

    Highly Screwed

    | Muskogee, OK, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I am working late evening, when a customer comes in near closing time. He is high on something and brings a 4 ft tall bong.)

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Well… umm… I broke it.”

    Me: “Broke what?”

    Customer: “I broke my smoker.”

    Me: “Okay… what can I do to help you?”

    Customer: “Screw. I need a screw. I think a screw will fix it. Or maybe something else. A screw. I need a screw. I need a screw!”

    (I try to help him find the right screw, but he’s not thinking. He walks away, with his screw, and, I’m sure, another chance to get high again.)

    Customer: “Need a screw. Need a screw. Need a screw…”

    Quick To Find Fault With Being Quick To Finding Fault

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bizarre, Time

    Me: “Hello. IT Help Desk. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

    Caller: “Yes. I logged a job the other day. It’s been resolved already, so I’d just like to close it.”

    (I proceed to take the reference number. I load the job up, thinking this will be a quick and easy call.)

    Me: “Okay. That’s all sorted for you. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Caller: “Yes. I’d just like to ask. When I phoned the other day and logged this fault, someone came and fixed it five minutes later.”

    Me: “Well I’m… glad to hear that?”

    Caller: “No, but—why, when I wasted all that time trying to get through to you, did no one tell me it had already been logged?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we have a dozen staff taking hundreds of calls from thousands of users. If you tell us there’s a fault to log we can only take your word for it.”

    (This clearly wasn’t the right answer. The user gets more and more agitated.)

    Caller: “Yes, but, don’t you keep track of these things? Can’t you keep track of all these jobs? Why couldn’t someone have told me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’d told us you didn’t know whether or not it was logged, we could’ve investigated. We could have spent time trying to ascertain if a call had already been made to us regarding the issue. We certainly couldn’t do that as a routine matter for every call we receive.”

    Caller: “I just don’t understand why the person I spoke to didn’t know! My time is very valuable. I’m a very busy person. I wasted a lot of time on that call!”

    (This goes back and forth for a while. We’re reaching the 10 minute mark.)

    Me: “I can only apologise again that we were unaware your fault had already been logged before you called. However, with all due respect, you didn’t know either. It is your printer. Also, even if we had told you, your complaint was about the length of time it took you to get through. It was time you would’ve wasted whether or not we logged your duplicate call. Finally, ma’am, your complaint is that you wasted your valuable time speaking to IT unnecessarily. Yet you’ve been going around in circles about this with me for 10 minutes now. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how else to answer your question. I am happy to hear that we were able to resolve your issue so quickly, though.”

    Caller: *click*


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