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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Mutant Turtles

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I am stocking shelves in our birdseed section.)

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for something to keep turtles out of my birdfeeder.”

    Me: “… What?”

    Caller: “My birdfeeder? Those turtles keep pestering my birds and eating all the feed.”

    Me: “How would… turtles? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

    Caller: “I…NEED…TO…KEEP…TURTLES…OUT! Is that so hard to understand?”

    Me: “How on earth does a turtle even get onto a birdfeeder?!”

    Caller: “Oh, did I say turtles? I meant squirrels! Now I see your confusion!”

    Don’t Let Your Hair Down

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a cashier. An older woman and her son come in, and spend about 20 minutes perusing the sweets section, all the while glancing back at me and smiling quite creepily. She finally comes to the counter with two bags of Jelly Babies.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you? Will this be everything?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “That will be £2.10 please.”

    (She gives me a £50 note.)

    Me: *sighing inwardly for having to get such a large amount of change* “Thank you. Here is your change, £47.90.”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I am only paying £1.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but individually they are £1.05. That won’t be enough.”

    Customer: “No, this is not right. I don’t want to pay that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is clearly marked on the shelf, and they have scanned into to till at the correct price.”

    Customer: “Well, fine, but I want smaller notes in my change.”

    (I oblige, and change out the larger notes for smaller ones, noticing there is now a queue of about 5 people behind her, looking impatient.)

    Me: “Thank you very much. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “You have nice hair. So long, such a nice colour.”

    Me: “Err, thank you. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes. No. I don’t want these sweets. Refund me, and I want my £50 note back.”

    (By this point I am getting quite impatient, but I still remain polite, and do as she asks, taking her change back off the counter and putting it back in the till drawer.)

    Me: “Okay. Here is your £50 note. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer suddenly lunges over the counter and grabs my hair, pulling me halfway over the counter, which is quite painful!)

    Customer: “Such nice hair! I want it! SO nice!”

    (I manage to get my hair free and jump back, quite startled.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it is not okay for you to invade my personal space and yank my hair. If you do not wish to purchase anything today, then I will have to ask you to leave as you are holding up a line of customers!”

    (The customer gives me a dirty look, practically snarling at me, and flounces out of the shop.)

    Next Customer: “What the h*** was that about?”

    Me: “I… I have no idea.”

    (Apparently the woman came back into the shop later in the week when I am not working, did the same long, drawn out process with the £50, requesting a lower price after the transaction has gone through, and then asking for a refund. She also asked after me, ‘the rude girl with the nice hair.’)

    Problematic Customers

    | Marble Falls, TX, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer is standing in front of the freezer case I want something out of. I inch around her and smile at her.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “It’s no problem!”

    Customer: *sobering suddenly* “I could MAKE it a problem if you want.”

    Me: “… Please don’t kill me?”

    The Great Intelligence Disconnect

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

    (About 30 seconds pass.)

    Me: “Are you there, sir?”

    Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

    Guaranteed Room For Improvement

    | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (I am checking in a guest. I do the usual: swipe his card, and make the keys.)

    Me: “Here are your keys, sir. Please sign this registration card.”

    Guest: “No problem!” *signs with a flourish and takes keys*

    (The computer beeps, and shows that his card was declined.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Sir? Sir?”

    Guest: *looks over at me while walking away*

    Me: “Your card was declined. Do you have another?”

    Guest: *blank stare* “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that I can’t let you have the room unless you give us another method of payment.”

    (I hold my hand out for the keys. The guest clutches them to his chest keeps walking away, faster this time.)

    Me: “Sir, please give me back the keys.”

    Guest: “No! I made a reservation… therefore… I am guaranteed a room! Guaranteed!” *runs off*

    (The guest disappeared in the elevator before I could catch him, and was in his room in a flash. He set the deadbolt and ignored all calls and knocks. Finally the authorities had to BREAK down the door to the room and he was hauled away, yelling that he was ‘guaranteed’ a room and that he would complain to corporate. He did, and was charged for the cost of a new door.)

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