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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Sweet Taste Of Karma

    | Milford, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a restaurant. There is a regular who comes in with a woman, and the two of them seem to be in their 70s, although the woman seems more like his sister or caregiver than his wife. The man walks with a cane, and is constantly hitting on every woman he sees in the restaurant, to the point where a few of the servers get a little creeped out. On this day, the man has been hitting on everyone like normal, and right before he walks out, he stops at a jar of candy we have at the host stand near a sign that says, ‘guess how many candies and win!’)

    Old Woman: “Those aren’t for eating, they’re for guessing.”

    Old Man: *to me* “What do I get if I win?”

    Me: “You win the jar of candy.”

    Old Man: “Can I win the person who put the candy IN the jar instead?” *winks*

    Me: “… Well, if you really want to, sure.”

    Old Man: *gives me a huge, creepy grin*

    Me: “That would be our manager. [Male Manager's Name].”

    Old Man: *drops smile completely* “Oh. Never mind.” *leaves*

    Didn’t See That (Second) Coming

    | Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (I run an independent coffeehouse on the main drag in a small town. A regular walks in, doing her usual purposeful strut to the counter.)

    Me: “Hey [Name], how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Good. You know what I want?”

    (I nod as I begin making her nonfat, no carb latte with extra ice.)

    Customer: “You know, I like Criss Angel…”

    Me: “Yeah, he’s… something all right.”

    Customer: “You know…” *drifts off for a second before coming back down to earth with the rest of us* “I really think he’s the second coming…”

    (I stop what I’m doing to look at her as I wait for the punchline. Turns out it’s not coming.)

    Customer: “He can do everything Jesus could do.”

    (I’m still waiting for the ‘HA! Funny huh?,’ but I see she’s dead serious and waiting for commiseration.)

    Me: “Criss Angel is a magician.”

    Customer: *nods smiling*

    Me: “An illusionist. He does tricks.”

    Customer: *her smile slowly fades to a look of total desolation* “Oh.”

    (I finished her latte and rung her up. She didn’t say anything else and walked out looking much less sure of herself. I almost felt bad.)

    Needs Some Light Soul Food

    , | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru of the store very early in the morning.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Store], what could I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Just a small coffee.”

    Me: “How will you take your coffee today?”

    Customer: “Black, just like my soul.”

    Me: “… okay?”

    Their True Colors Are Off-Color

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I work in a custom shirt shop. We have a lot of variety in our shirts that we keep in stock, trying to have two-three shades of all the basic colors. However, more unique colors don’t have a high turn over, and we try to keep our overstock as low as possible to keep down costs. This customer had had shirts designed by us before on a basic light brown but now wants some brighter, spring colors.)

    Customer: “There’s this really pretty coral that’s popular right now. Do you have anything in a coral?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just have a few shades in the more basic colors. I have a couple shades of pink I could show you.”

    Customer: *pointing to two shirts on the wall* “Well, that shirt over there is more of an orange, but the colors on this fox here is more of an umber. Do you have any shirts closer to an umber?”

    Me: “Again, we tend to have just a couple shades in the basic color palette. I could show you our two oranges.”

    Customer: “No, no, that’s more of a rust! I don’t want another fall color. I want something brighter.”

    Me: “Well, that’s called ‘Tennessee Orange,’ and that one is ‘Safety Orange.’ Those are the only oranges we have.”

    Customer: “What about something in more of a fuschia-y salmon?”

    Me: “I have pink. I have neon pink and dark pink. Would you like to see the two shades of pink?”

    Customer: “Well, I also like purple, but I don’t want a royal purple. What about something in like a mauve?”

    Me: “I have purple. I have dark purple and light purple. I can bring out two samples and show you our shades of purple.”

    Customer: “Well what colors DO you have?!”

    Me:  ”Basic colors, two-three shades of each. Red, yellow, blue…”

    Customer: “Let me see your blue.”

    (I FINALLY bring out the three shades of blue we have, hoping she likes one.”

    Customer: “Is this ALL you have?”

    Me: “Yes, we have three shades of blue. These three shades. Royal, turquoise, and light blue.”

    Customer: “Fine. I will take the BABY blue.”

    Me: “You mean this one… the light blue, right?”

    (All I can think is someone had the big box of crayons as a kid and felt like showing off!)

    One Man’s Chocolate Is Another Man’s Poison

    | Clearwater, FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My boyfriend and I are walking through a store when he notices a chocolate fountain on display.)

    Boyfriend: “Who would actually buy one of these? You can just rent them.”

    Me: “Probably someone who entertains a lot.”

    Boyfriend: “But if you owned one then your guests would never leave!”

    (Another customer has overheard us and butts in.)

    Random Creepy Customer: “Poison! If you poison them then they’ll never come back!”

    Boyfriend: “… I guess that’s true.”

    (At this point, my boyfriend quickly leads me to another aisle.)

    Boyfriend: *whispering* “If you ever see that customer again, don’t eat anything she offers you!”

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