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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Dressing Up The Wrong Tree

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the fitting room in a clothing store on Christmas Eve. It is pretty dead until a customer walks up to me holding three tree skirts.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I try these on?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, you know those are tree skirts? Right? Those things you put around the bottom of a Christmas tree?”

    Customer: “Oh, I know. I just thought they’d make great Christmas ponchos!”

    Don’t Even Want To Know What A Milkshake Is

    | Lafeyette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (My store is selling goodie bags of various candies as stocking stuffers. One of the candies we use are colorful chocolate-flavored spheres a little smaller than gumballs. We use only white ones for the goodie bags. The label refers to them as ‘snowman poop,’ with a little poem about how the child it’s for has been naughty. A couple roaming the store have caught sight of the goodie bags, and the man is particularly interested in the snowman poop.)

    Man: “Snowman poop? It’s normally marshmallows… He must have been constipated!”

    (I double over laughing, and the man begins cheering for himself for having caused such a reaction.)

    A Triple Rainbow Of Christmas

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s the week before Christmas. We are run off our feet helping people choose gifts to buy. A customer rushes into the store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for something for someone. What do you think?”

    Me: “Um… Who was it you were buying for?”

    Customer: “Oh, my daughter. I think she married badly. You know what it’s like when they go and do that.”

    Me: “What sort of thing were you looking for? Clothing? Jewellery?”

    (The customer starts flouncing around the store picking up random items. She turns with a necklace in hand.)

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! Just something nice. I like this! It has rainbows! I like rainbows! Do you think she’ll like it?”

    Me: “I don’t know your daughter, ma’am. If you think it’s her taste, it’s on sale at the moment.”

    Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something. I like rainbows!”

    (She proceeds to flounce around the store picking up anything ‘rainbow.’)

    Customer: “Do you think she’ll like it? I like rainbows! Rainbows might make her happy!”

    Me: *aware of several other people waiting for me* “It’s a perfect choice. I think she will like it.”

    Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something… something nice. I like rainbows!”

    Related:
    A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

    It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

    | USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

    Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

    Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

    Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

    Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

    Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

    Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

    Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

    Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

    Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

    (The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming!”

    Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

    Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

    (The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

    Doesn’t Have A Glue

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (We have bottles of hand sanitizer at the pick-up and drop off counters for customers to use if they please.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “WHAT DID I JUST PUT ON MY HANDS?”

    Me: “Er, what?”

    Customer: *waving hands frantically* “What’s in that bottle? It’s not glue is it? My hands aren’t going to stick to my cart when I touch it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s just hand sanitizer.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks! Have a good day!”

    (The customer leaves without getting anything from the dispensary.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Why the h*** would we have glue in squirt bottles?”


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