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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Demanding To A Fault(line)

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is a typical day at the ‘upscale’ grocery store I work at, in the bakery section. An older gentleman walks up.)

    Customer: “I’ll have one brownie, please.”

    (Right as he orders, the ground begins to shake. Glass bottles are clinking on the shelves, signs are swinging. It is pretty obvious we are having an earthquake which is not a normal occurrence in my state. It only lasts about 20 seconds but I stand there in shock for a few more before looking back at the customer.)

    Me: “Woah, that was crazy. Never felt anything like that before. Do you think that was an earthquake or what?”

    Customer: *looks at me with a completely straight face and says in a very loud voice, enunciating each syllable very clearly* “I. Said. One. Brownie. Please.”

    (I gave him his brownie and he walked away like nothing ever happened with the signs above his head still swinging…)

    Flamingoing From Bad To Worse

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a cashier on register with no one in my line. The phone rings:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    (There is an obviously drunk woman on phone:)

    Caller: “Do you sell flamingos?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear that. Could you say it again?”

    Caller: “A flamingo! Do you sell flamingos?”

    Me: “You mean the pink bird at the zoo?”

    Caller: “Yes, flamingos! Do you sell flamingos?”

    (At this point a customer comes up to my register.)

    Me: “No ma’am; we do not sell flamingos or any other kind of exotic animal. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

    Caller: “Too bad. What about giraffes?”

    Me: “Tell you what. Call back when you are sober. I have a customer waiting.” *click*

    Customer: “Did they seriously ask for a flamingo?”

    Me: “Yep, and a giraffe. Sorry you had to wait.”

    Customer: “You do know it’s rush week, right?”

    (There are no less than six universities in the city. Rush week is when freshmen pledge to a sorority or fraternity and have to do challenges to get in.)

    Me: “Oh, no! Thanks for the warning.”

    (I let my manager know. We got ten similar calls that day, and more the rest of the week.)

    In The Wrong Holding Position

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good evening. Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?

    Caller: “Oh, wrong number.” *hangs up*

    (To have gotten through to me the customer would have had to have waited on hold for 10 minutes, listening to repeated adverts FOR the company and also selected an option to speak with me. I still have no idea how she didn’t realise sooner.)

    Child’s Play And Slay

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

    Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

    Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

    Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

    Boy #1: “Kill him!”

    Announcer: “What?!”

    Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

    Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

    Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

    Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

    Kitten Smitten

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

    Woman: “Just this, please.”

    (I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

    Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

    Me: “Him?”

    (She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

    Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

    Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

    (I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

    Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

    Me: “…good luck with that!”

    (Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

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