Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The True Appliance Of Science
    (1,621 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Obama And Aliens And Popes, Oh My

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (I am starting to shut down my food cart. It has a ‘Now Hiring’ sign, which lists the wages. A man in his 40s walks up to take a food sample.)

    Customer: “You know, if you lived in North Dakota you could get an easier job at $15/hour.”

    Me: “Uh, that’s nice.”

    Customer: “But that’ll change when Obama takes over the country. The wages will drop then.”

    Me: “… That’s okay. I’m actually planning on moving to Canada in the next couple of years.”

    Customer: *suspicious look* “Canada… You know who I’d trust to run my health care?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “You. But I wouldn’t trust the Government. They’re shady.

    Me: “Yeah. The government does seem to hide a lot from us.”

    Customer: “It’s all because of Israel and The Vatican, anyway. Have you heard of the Jesuits?”

    Me: “… Kind of?”

    Customer: “Well, the black pope is running the Vatican from Jerusalem. See, he thinks the Ark of the Covenant is there. That’s why he wants to sit atop it and rule the world from there. He’s the one who’s actually in control of the Vatican, and running the USA.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “That’s why the USA likes Israel so much! It’s all because the Vatican is baptizing aliens.”

    Me: “Aliens like… foreigners?”

    Customer: “No, aliens! You know… The greys, the lizard people…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Anyway, Obama. His name isn’t even Barack. He grew up in Indonesia, and people called him ‘Barry.’”

    Me: “Well, Mitt Romney’s first name is actually Willard, which is worse in my opinion.”

    Customer: “Hmm… That’s true…” *gives thoughtful suspicious look, as if he’s now distrustful of Romney*

    Me: *coughs*

    Customer: “Anyway. North Dakota. Think about it.” *walks off*

    Up In The Air About It

    | New York, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I’m filling in as receptionist at a firm where I’ve never worked before.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes. Someone called me from there.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you know the name of the person who called?”

    Caller: “Um… I think it was [first name]?”

    Me: “Do you have a last name?”

    Caller: “No. Why did she call me?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but I’ve found her name, so I’ll transfer you to her.”

    Caller: “NO. I want you to tell me. Why did she call me?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but if I could transfer you over, I’m sure she’ll be able to tell you.”

    Caller: “But I’m in the airport.”

    Me: “Okay. Should she call you back later?”

    Caller: “No. Why did she call me? Is it a job offer? I’m not looking for a job. I’m just starting a new job.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure why she called. But I could transfer you to her—”

    Caller: “NO! I’M AT THE AIRPORT WAITING TO GET ON AN AIRPLANE, SO I CAN’T TALK RIGHT NOW. WHAT DOES THIS COMPANY EVEN DO? WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?”

    Me: “Well, I didn’t call you. But if you’ll just let me transfer you over, I’m sure she can explain why she called.”

    Caller: “WHY DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT THE COMPANY DOES?! WHY CAN’T YOU TELL ME WHY SHE CALLED?! I’M IN AN AIRPORT! I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK! WHY DID SHE CALL ME?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I just don’t know why she called you. But if I could just transfer you.—”

    Caller: “I’M IN AN AIRPORT!” *click*

    Take Note And Buy A Pen

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I answer the phone.)

    Me: “[Store]. Hello?”

    Customer: “Hi.I need the number for [Company] support.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have a pen ready?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, here’s the number. [Number].”

    Customer: “Could you repeat that?”

    Me: “Sure.” *repeats number*

    Customer: “D***. One more time, please?”

    Me: *repeats number*

    Customer: “D*** it!”

    Me: “Can you not hear me or something?”

    Customer: “I can hear you. I just don’t have a pen and paper. I was trying to memorize the number.”

    A Hit Of Caffeine

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

    Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

    Daughter: “You are?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

    Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

    (The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

    A Very Close Knit Community

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Holidays

    (Occasionally customers bring in presents for the staff to show their appreciation. Normally it is cookies or flowers from their yards. Some of the newer staff are still getting used to this generosity. One afternoon in mid-November a woman brings in something different.)

    Customer: “Pick one.” *lifts a a large, clear garbage bag full of brightly colored knit scarves onto the counter*

    Me: “Oh, wow. What is the occasion?”

    Customer: “It’s the holidays! I made all of these and I want to share them!”

    Me: “Are you sure? That’s very thoughtful! You’re a much more prolific knitter than I am.” *carefully removes a scarf from the bag*

    Customer: *quickly moves to my coworker at an adjacent desk* “Here! Pick one! Merry Christmas!”

    Coworker: *looks up startled*

    (I shrug, smile, and go into the work room to tell the other staff what is going on.)

    Coworker: “Thank you. That’s very sweet.” *gingerly picks a scarf*

    (The customer manages to find every staff member in the building and give them a scarf. She leaves immediately afterward.)

    Coworker: “So, uh, do you guys all know her? Does she do this every year?”

    Me: “I have… never seen that woman before in my life.”


    Page 34/132First...3233343536...Last