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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Beware Of The Sweet Disposition

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Spouses & Partners

    (It’s a slow day. My coworker and I are standing at the register waiting to see if we’re having another no-show. A friendly young couple walks in and asks for two tickets to a show. Then, the girlfriend chimes in.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, so, I see those three movies there…”

    (She points to the three poster frames in the lobby showcasing what movies we have.)

    Girlfriend: “So where do you keep the things for those?”

    Me: “Um, do you mean where do we keep the posters?”

    (The girlfriend begins shouting slowly as if I didn’t hear her.)

    Girlfriend: “THE THING FOR THE MOVIES! WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT?”

    Me: “… I, I still don’t understand. Do you mean the…”

    Girlfriend: “YOU HAVE THE THREE MOVIES IN THE SIGNS! WHERE—”

    (The boyfriend quietly slides behind her and reached his hand around to her mouth. He drops what looked like a caramel block into her mouth. As soon as he did, she immediately mellowed out and they both quietly walked out of the theater.)

    Vampire Hunting For Beginners

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I am standing at the tills waiting for a customer to finish browsing. I look down to adjust the bags and look up to him approaching me.)

    Customer: *throws something at me*

    Me: “Sir, why did you throw a clove of garlic at me?”

    Customer: “Just wanted to test your reflexes!”

    Me: “…”

    Do Not Like

    | USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Money

    (I work at a branch in a college town, so our customers are often in their late teens. I have just been commenting to a coworker that all these kids make me feel old when this happens.)

    Customer: “I, like, want to, like, deposit some money in, like, my, like, account.”

    Me: “Certainly. Is that going to checking or savings?”

    Customer: “Like, checking?”

    Me: “Of course. Do you want all of your check going in or would you like some cash back for yourself?”

    Customer: “Like, can I, like, get $20, like, back?”

    (I process everything through and the customer leaves.)

    Me: *to coworkers, who are dying laughing* “And that, my friends, is the future of the world. Dear god, I hope she isn’t an English major.

    The Sound Of Silence

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes into my shoe store and requests several pairs to try on. He tries the first pair and walks around.)

    Customer: “No, no. I don’t like shoes that make noise. I need quiet shoes.”

    (I give him a new pair to try.)

    Customer: “No, I said QUIET shoes! QUIET!”

    Me: “Sir, what noise are you referring to? I’m not hearing it.”

    (He walks around more.)

    Customer: “That! You don’t hear that?”

    (All I can hear is the sound of his footsteps.)

    Me: “Can’t say I do.”

    (He begins stomping his foot on the floor.)

    Customer: “Listen to how loud those are!”

    Me: “That’s just your foot stomping.”

    Customer: “It’s the shoe!”

    Me: “So you want a shoe that won’t even make the sound of a footstep?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “… Good luck?”

    Please Keep Customer Interaction To A Condominimum

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a regular that comes in at least once every two weeks. He really enjoys talking to me, and for the first year of him coming in I don’t mind talking to him, even though he holds me in random conversations for 20 minutes at a time. On this particular day, I am discussing with him my upcoming internship abroad in Ireland, and this is the conversation that follows. Note that he is a man in his 60s, and I am an early 20s young woman.)

    Me: “Yeah, my grandma is supposedly already setting me up with an Irish guy over there.”

    Regular: “Well, you want to be careful. You know, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you still have so many things you want to do, and you don’t want to get tied down to anything, so you should take some condoms with you.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (Fast forward a couple months. It is one week before I leave for Ireland, and the regular comes back in.)

    Regular: “So when’s your last day?”

    Me: “My last day is tomorrow, but I leave next week.”

    Regular: “Okay, hold on.”

    (He goes outside. Meanwhile, my coworkers are teasing me about the regular. They know about the conversation with the condoms. The regular then comes back in.)

    Regular: *hands me a piece of paper* “This is my number. Text me when you get back. I’d like to hear all about it. Bye!”

    (He leaves.)

    Coworker: “Picking up guests, [My Name]?”

    Me: “I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!”

    Coworker: “Maybe you should put him in your phone as ‘Condom.’”

    (I leave for Ireland, spend the summer there, and the experience is wonderful. I get back and reclaim my job at the theater. One evening I’m in concessions, cupping jalapenos. The regular has seen me on a previous shift, but wasn’t too creepy then.)

    Coworker #2: “Hey, this was left for you at the box, and I have no idea what it means. No one does.”

    (I read it. It is a note asking if I wanted to go to a White Tara Experience at the local Buddhist center, on such a date at such a time. At the bottom of the note read, “Let me know if you want to go. Here’s my number, give me a call. [Regular].”)

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