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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Guaranteed Room For Improvement

    | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (I am checking in a guest. I do the usual: swipe his card, and make the keys.)

    Me: “Here are your keys, sir. Please sign this registration card.”

    Guest: “No problem!” *signs with a flourish and takes keys*

    (The computer beeps, and shows that his card was declined.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Sir? Sir?”

    Guest: *looks over at me while walking away*

    Me: “Your card was declined. Do you have another?”

    Guest: *blank stare* “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that I can’t let you have the room unless you give us another method of payment.”

    (I hold my hand out for the keys. The guest clutches them to his chest keeps walking away, faster this time.)

    Me: “Sir, please give me back the keys.”

    Guest: “No! I made a reservation… therefore… I am guaranteed a room! Guaranteed!” *runs off*

    (The guest disappeared in the elevator before I could catch him, and was in his room in a flash. He set the deadbolt and ignored all calls and knocks. Finally the authorities had to BREAK down the door to the room and he was hauled away, yelling that he was ‘guaranteed’ a room and that he would complain to corporate. He did, and was charged for the cost of a new door.)

    Suffering A Bipolar Vortex

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Canada, Wild & Unruly

    (I am from California but am visiting some family in Toronto. It’s late December and extremely cold. I’m at a liquor store with my cousin when the customer behind me notices my California ID.)

    Customer: “You’re a long way from home! What brings you out here?”

    Me: “I’m visiting some family.”

    Customer: “What do you think about the weather?”

    Me: “It’s actually quite refreshing. It’s nice having a change of scenery but I don’t think I could do this all the time.”

    Customer: *huffy* “Well, it’s not like this all the time! It’s only cold for about five months! How dare you assume that, you ignorant American!”

    Me: “No, no, no. Of course I know it’s not cold year round. I meant that I personally couldn’t deal with the winter months every year!”

    Customer: “You lying b****! You’re just trying to cover your a**! You stupid Americans think we just live in igloos. I know your type!”

    Me: “I promise you I don’t think that it’s this cold year round. I’ve come to visit many times in the summer.”

    Customer: “Stupid American b****!”

    (My cousin and I just walk away while she continues to hurl insults at me.)

    Giving Her A Good Dressing Down

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a 17-year-old high school student in the supermarket after school. I am in my uniform buying some study snacks to take home. I’m wandering down the chips and confectionary aisle, when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer #1: “Why is your dress so short?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (My dress is about two inches above my knee, and I’m 5’7″ tall.)

    Customer #1: “Girls should be wearing longer dresses!”

    (The customer then lunges for my dress, attempting to pull it down. Another customer sees and then intervenes.)

    Customer #2: “Geez, leave her alone.”

    (The first customer begins walking off but not before leaving me with this little gem:)

    Customer #1: “She’ll be pregnant before the year is out unless she gets a longer dress.”

    Related:
    Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

    His Wife Will Have Hell Toupee

    | IN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in the vault room, handling the deposits that local businesses put in the drop box throughout the night. One morning, before I even have a chance to open the night drop, my phone rings. It is an internal number that only bank employees can dial. I answer, and on the other end is one of the operators from the 24-hour call center.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Operator: “Yes, this is [Name] in the call center. I have a customer on the line that insisted I transfer him to you immediately. I tried to explain that your branch doesn’t open for another hour, but he insisted it was an emergency. Do you want to take the call, or should I have him call back?”

    Me: “No, don’t have him call back. I’m here, so I’ll take it.”

    Operator: “Thank you. I’ll put him through.”

    (After I hear the tell-tale ‘click’ of the operator putting the customer on the line, I continue.)

    Me: “Sir, thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. The call center operator said you had an emergency. How can I help you this morning?”

    Caller: “I need my hair back!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Oh, for crying out loud! Fine. I need my hair back, please!”

    Me: “No, sir, I wasn’t asking you to say please. I was making sure I heard you correctly. Did you say you need your hair back?”

    Caller: “Yes, I did! I need my hair back, and I KNOW you have it!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

    Caller: “My hair! Give me my hair back!”

    Me: “Please, calm down. Can you explain to me what you mean?”

    Caller: “My d*** wife. She ripped my hair off and now you have it. I want it back, and I want it back NOW! I’m right outside your bank, and I need my hair back!”

    (I look at my monitor, which displays a cycling image of all of the security cameras since the vault room has no windows. Sure enough, I see a man in our parking lot pacing back and forth in front of our door with a baseball cap on. I glance at my watch. It is only 7 am, and there are only two employees here. The rest of the employees won’t be in for half an hour and the lobby will not open until 8 am.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. I see you outside, but I am afraid that we do not open for another hour. On top of that, I still don’t know what you are talking about.”

    Caller: “For crying out loud! Are you stupid?! That b**** took my hair and I want it back!”

    Me: “Sir, please do not insult me or use that kind of language. I’d be happy to help you if you could just calm down and explain yourself.”

    Caller: *takes a deep breath and answers more calmly* “Okay. Last night, my wife and I were dropping off the deposit for my business. She was screaming at me in the car, accusing me of cheating on her, all because I hired a teenage girl to work the front counter of our store. She was mad and screaming at me the whole time. My wife dropped the deposit in the box. Then she yelled ‘let’s see if your new girlfriend likes you bald!’, ripped my toupee off my head, and put it in your drop box. I am leaving her today, but I need my hair back. Please, can I have my hair back?”

    Me: *feeling sorry for the guy* “Okay, sir, I understand. I haven’t opened the night drop yet, and I can’t until another employee gets here in about half an hour. When she does, I will open the night drop and look for your hair. There is a [donut shop] across the street. Maybe you could go get some coffee, maybe some breakfast, and I could call you back when I get the night drop open?”

    Caller: *noticeably calmer* “That would be fine. Thank you! I really need my hair! I’ve had it with that shrew. Every time she sees me even say hello to a younger woman she screams that I must be cheating on her and she does something to my toupee. This is the fourth one she’s tried to destroy or get rid of!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I will call you back as soon as I can.”

    (The caller gives me his cell phone number, and I watch on the security monitor as he gets in his car and drives off. Half an hour later my coworker arrives and I relate the entire story to her as we open the night drop, which requires two people to do. As I expected, on top of the other deposit bags is a toupee, adhesive still attached to the underside of it. I call the customer back, tell him I have his hair, and tell him that if he comes to the front door I will give it back to him. When he gets back to the bank, he is carrying three large boxes of donuts.)

    Caller: “Here, these donuts are for you. You have been so nice to me, even after I yelled at you. I am sorry for that. I was taking out the anger I have toward my vicious harpy of a wife on you, and that was wrong. Please, share these with your coworkers.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, thank you, sir!”

    (We exchanged packages. I took the donuts, he took his hair, and we parted ways. Less than a week later I did discovered that he had closed his joint accounts, opened up sole accounts in just his name, and that his address was now different than his wife’s. Guess you shouldn’t mess with a man’s toupee!)

    Flipping Off And Flipping Out

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a cashier working the morning shift at a popular pet store when a woman comes in to get a gift card. Our store has machines to take cards; we don’t swipe them ourselves.)

    Customer: “I’d like to put $12 on this card.”

    (I go through the process of getting the money on the gift card.)

    Me: “Okay, $12.”

    Customer: *gives me her card*

    Me: “No, right here.” *gestures to the machine*

    Customer: “Did you just point with your middle finger?”

    Me: *smiling* “Oh, I kind of gesture with my whole hand. Like this.” *gestures again*

    Customer: “You can’t point with your middle finger! It’s like doing this!” *flips me off*

    Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention at all.”

    Customer: “You know what? I don’t have to deal with this! F*** you! F*** you, you stupid ugly f*****g b***h!” *flips me off and storms out!*


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