Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

In The Wrong Holding Position

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Me: “Good evening. Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?

Caller: “Oh, wrong number.” *hangs up*

(To have gotten through to me the customer would have had to have waited on hold for 10 minutes, listening to repeated adverts FOR the company and also selected an option to speak with me. I still have no idea how she didn’t realise sooner.)

Child’s Play And Slay

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

Boy #1: “Kill him!”

Announcer: “What?!”

Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

Kitten Smitten

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

Woman: “Just this, please.”

(I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

Me: “Him?”

(She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

(I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

Me: “…good luck with that!”

(Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

Not So Closed Minded, Part 7

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(About half an hour before we close, we get a sudden rush of customers, leading to us being unable to lock the doors once it’s time to close. Five minutes after closing, we only have one family left in the store to finish serving when another man walks in.)

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m sorry. We’re closed.”

Customer: *continues toward register*

Supervisor: “Sir, we’re closing!”

Customer: *stops to look at chips*

Supervisor: “Sir! I’m sorry, but we’re in the process of closing.”

Customer: *walks to register*

Supervisor: *now standing directly in front of customer* “Sir, I’m sorry. We’re not taking orders now. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Um… I’ll take a large ham and turkey—”

Supervisor: “Sir! I’m sorry, but we closed five minutes ago. You’ll need to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have said something.” *walks out*

(As soon as the previous customer’s food was ready and they were out, I ran at full sprint to the door and locked it.)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 4

Failed At The Name Game

| Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

(I work at an insurance agency in Colorado. There are only a few other people in my office, none of which are named Steve.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “STEVE?!”

Me: “No, this is [My Name]. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “Where is Steve?”

Me: “I don’t believe a Steve works here. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I just talked to Steve. I know there is a Steve there.”

(At this point I realize that it was the customer I just got off the phone with two minutes ago.)

Me: “Oh, yes! Let me go get Steve for you…” *I deepen my voice a little* “Hello, this is Steve.”

Customer: “Oh, hi, Steve! Can you tell [My Name] to just transfer my calls to you from now on? I don’t want to talk to him. He doesn’t sound like he knows what he is doing.”

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