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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Be Christian Or Have The Devil To Pay

    | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (I’m a cashier at a large supermarket. There are small charity donation tins at each register; upon receiving their change, customers often deposit their change in these tins.)

    Me: “Okay, so your total is $28.40. How will you be paying today?”

    Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $30*

    Me: “Here’s your $1.60 change. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Wait. You aren’t one of those Satanists, are you?”

    Me: “Umm… no? Why?”

    Customer: “Good, I just wanted to be sure before donating.”

    (The customer puts the change in the charity tin, smiling smugly and dripping with pomp. I feel somewhat unimpressed that this person was going to choose whether to donate or not based purely on my religious preferences rather than out of any kind of human decency or concern for the charity in question.)

    Me: “Of course, I’m not a Christian either.” *waving cheerily as the customer backs away in horror and disgust* “Have a lovely day!”

    A Calculated Attack

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am working in a coffee shop, getting ready to leave. There is a girl there who is usually very quiet. She is a year older than me and it looks like she had been studying math. She is carrying a large graphing calculator on top of her binder and she is walking out the same time I am.)

    Girl: *drops her graphing calculator and it hits me* “You have just been attacked by the power of math.”

    Drinking The Tears Of Sadness

    | UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work behind the bar at a concert of a [popular band]. It’s a big event, but the bar isn’t as busy as we feared, just a bit understocked. Towards the end of the show, Customer #1 comes asking for a drink.)

    Me: “No problem. Will that be everything for you?”

    Customer#1: “Yes, thank you. Do you accept card?”

    Me: “Sorry, not tonight. But there is a cash machine outside the hall, just by the entrance.”

    Customer#1: “Okay, then. I’ll go get the cash and you get that drink poured in the meantime.”

    (She goes off to the lobby, so I turn to serve another person.)

    Customer #2: “Hiya, I’ll have [the same drink as Customer #1].”

    Me: “Sure, let me just get it for you.”

    (I notice that it’s our last can of that particular beverage. After I’ve served it, Customer #1 comes back.)

    Me: “Hello again. I’m terribly sorry, but it looks like we’ve just run out of [drink]. I apologize for the misinformation. Perhaps I can offer you a different drink?”

    (The [popular band] starts playing another song. Customer #1 is silent for a moment or two and then she bursts into tears, unable to say a word, just standing there and trying to get herself together.)

    Me: “Are you all right, ma’am?”

    Customer#1: “Yes, just…” *keeps crying*

    Me: “…Are you sure?”

    Customer#1: *in tears* “It’s okay. Just a [different drink], please. Oh, my goodness.”

    (By this point I wasn’t sure whether it was the drink, the song, or something else entirely that caused that outburst. She didn’t say another word, paid quietly, and left without her change, leaving me a generous tip. I’m confused to this day.)

    Will Find Himself Magically Arrested

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work as a call taker for a local police department. I overhear the following from a coworker speaking to a man who calls in a regular basis.)

    Coworker: “Okay, John, I see that you were arrested a few days ago for filing a false report. Now, if there is no crime being committed this time, you will be in trouble again.”

    (I tune my coworker out while working on gathering information for other calls until I hear this part.)

    Coworker: “How was someone able to steal your wallet and keys in the middle of the night when those were inside the pillow you were sleeping on?” *pause* “How did they get in and get your stuff if you were sleeping on it?” *longer pause* “They have magical powers? Is that what you want me to tell the officers?”

    (Later my coworker told everyone at that point, the caller had been silent for a little while, and then said he didn’t want to get in trouble.)

    Coworker: “Okay, but you want me to send officers to you? And that’s what you want me to tell them? That someone stole your keys and wallet by using magical powers? All right. I will let them know.”

    (It turns out that the caller had called in every day after he was arrested, reporting different matters. Those were handled as callback reports, which take a couple of days, so the police didn’t make the connection. No such luck this time!)

    Next Time Will Nose Better

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (Due to my extreme social awkwardness, I am the bad customer in this story! I work in a call centre and am mentally programmed to use a certain phone manner. On this day, I am wandering along my local shopping strip when I decide I want to get my nose pierced. I walk into a tattoo parlour.)

    Me: “Hi! I’m looking to get my nose pierced.”

    Tattooist: “Oh, our piercer isn’t at work today, but she’ll be back tomorrow.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Today is my only day off, but thank you for your help.”

    (I walk outside and search for piercers on my smartphone. A location nearby shows up, and I call the number.)

    Me: “Hi! I’m looking to make an appointment to get my nose pierced.”

    Voice On The Phone: “Uh… our piercer isn’t working today.”

    (I suddenly realise I’ve called the exact same shop I had just been into, and am now standing outside of in full view. I am so embarrassed that I panic and forget what to say.)

    Me: “Oh… uh… thank you for calling! Goodbye!”

    (I abruptly ended the call and turned to walk away, but accidentally made prolonged, awkward eye contact with the tattooist through the shop window before I finally left. At least I might have given him something to laugh about!)

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