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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    You Have To Question Their Reasons

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a call center taking calls from subscribers to our web-based program.)

    Subscriber: “Hi. I was told to call.”

    Me: *thinking that he got an email or a voice mail* “Was the message from anyone in particular?”

    Subscriber: “It’s on the invoice. It told me to call.”

    (I pull up his account but there aren’t any notes from our administration/billing department or any other representatives, so I’m a little confused by this.)

    Me: “You received a note on your invoice to call us?”

    Subscriber: “Yes. It said to call if I had any questions.”

    Me: “And do you have any questions?”

    Subscriber: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, then… Have a great day!”

    Let Me Know When You’re Really REALLY Closed

    | WA, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (Our mall closes early on Sunday, though some people don’t quite get the message. My coworker has gone to take out the trash and left a door unlocked but closed so she can get back in, as we normally do while my manager is closing the registers. A couple walks in after letting themselves in.)

    Manager: “O-oh, hey, guys. How are you doing tonight?” *stops her counting and shuts the drawer to go around the counter*

    Customer #1: “Hey there. We’re just looking.”

    (My manager is confused but follows them, doing her normal sales thing until the couple finally catches on.)

    Customer #1: “Are you guys closed?”

    Manager: “Yes, we are.”

    Customer #2: “No, like… Are you guys REALLY closed? Not just saying it?”

    Manager: “… Yes. I’m closing down the registers and I can’t process any more transactions.”

    Customer #1: *snippy suddenly* “Well, we just want to look, anyway!”

    Not Good For Your Blood Pressure

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (The pharmacy that I work at has a very standard closing time of 7:00 pm. We’ve had this for years, much longer than I’ve worked there. If a customer comes in around 6:58 or so they usually purchase their items quickly and leave. This customer comes in at 6:59.)

    Customer: “Whoo! Made it in the knick of time!”

    Me: “You certainly did! You picking up a prescription today?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s [Name].”

    (The transaction goes smoothly and he heads for the door. It’s 7:01 pm and he turns and goes to the blood pressure machine which usually takes a couple minutes to finish the measurement. My boss tells me to turn the lights off because we’re technically closed.)

    Customer: “Hey! Can you turn the lights back on? I can’t see my reading!”

    Me: “The display is LED; you don’t need the lights on, sir.”

    Praying For That Lightbulb Moment

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a retail store that generally closes before all the other ones around us. At this moment we have just a few minutes before close and I am back in my department, which is empty, when a customer whom I watched enter just 30 seconds before comes up to me.)

    Me: “How can I help you tonight?”

    Customer: “I need a lightbulb.”

    Me: “Well, that would be in our light—”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. I NEED a LIGHTBULB!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have lightbulbs in this department. But if you’ll let me direct you to—”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me. Where are the d*** lightbulbs, kid?!”

    (The announcer goes off, saying we are now closed, and I’m trying to be as polite as possible.)

    Customer: “F****** people are f****** closed now! You people need to get your s*** together before you f****** close on a paying customer! I’m never coming back here!”

    (I tell my coworker about the lady that night. He finds me during my shift the next day.)

    Coworker: “Hey, did that lady happen to have [color] hair and a [color] purse with her?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Coworker: “She came back this morning. Apparently she knew exactly where they were. And she was very disappointed to discover they weren’t by the gummy worms.”

    Will Not Be Moved

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I’m working the register at a grocery store when a mother and her 10-year-old son start unloading their cart. As I’m finishing with the customer before them, I hear the boy continually trying to finish his mother’s sentences, occasionally getting them right and prompting her to say, ‘Hey! Stop predicting the future!’ Their turn comes up and we exchange the usual greeting pleasantries. I address the boy.)

    Me: “So you’re trying to tell the future, huh?”

    Boy: *matter-of-factly* “Uh-huh! I’m trying to learn all kinds of stuff, like telepathy and telekinesis.”

    (I happen to be Pagan with some mystic friends who taught me a few tricks. Plus, despite being a humanities major, I spent a good deal of college reading up on quantum theory.)

    Me: “Well, you know the secret to telling the future, right?”

    Boy: “Um…”

    Me: “It’s not about seeing the future, it’s remembering the future.”

    Boy: “Huh?”

    (I explain to him the theory that all time happens at once but the human brain only perceives it as moving in one direction, meaning the future is already here and we just don’t remember it yet.)

    Me: “So what you’ve got to do in the future is bundle up what you’re trying to remember and send it back in time to yourself. I’ve been training myself to do it for years and now I can sort of remember emotions from situations I haven’t experienced yet. It’s a good thing you’re starting so young. Maybe by the time you’re my age you’ll be able to remember words, too!”

    Boy: “… I think I’ll stick to learning telekinesis.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s slightly trickier. What you have to do there is learn how to mentally manipulate the electromagnetic attraction between certain objects.”

    Boy: “… Never mind, then.”

    (As they left, the mother was chuckling to herself and the boy looked both confused and dejected. Hopefully he had better luck with telepathy!)

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