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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Unknowable Sale

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre

    Lady: *looking at nothing in particular* “Is this for sale?”

    Me: “Is what for sale?”

    Lady: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Then I don’t know either.”

    Extension Number Two

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I don’t think this actually was a prank call, but I wish it was. I answer the phone at the library and it’s a regular customer with a history for over sharing with staff…)

    Me: “Hi, this is [Library]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes, I need more time with my library books.”

    Me: *bringing up her account* “Okay, well, it looks like you’ve already had a couple of extensions…”

    Customer: “You don’t understand! I can’t leave the house! I have explosive diarrhea! I can’t leave the toilet! I’m on the cordless!”

    (I, noticing that every single book she has checked out are for weird diet fads like the ‘strawberry diet,’ figured her story seemed to check out, and extended her materials before I had to talk to her on the toilet anymore.)

    Very Time (Un)Conscious, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Time

    Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Store]. I’m just calling to let you know your special order has arrived, and you can pick that up at your convenience.”

    Customer: “Can I come in tomorrow afternoon?”

    Me: “Absolutely! Whenever it’s convenient for you. We’ll see you then!”

    Customer: “But what time?”

    Me: “Whenever you wish, sir. We close at six tomorrow, if that helps.”

    Customer: “But I want to come before then! Can’t I come in the afternoon?”

    Me: “Absolutely! You don’t have to make an appointment. We’ll hold it as long as you need us to. We won’t sell it or send it back, I promise. You’ve already paid in full, so it’s yours.”

    Customer: “But what TIME should I come?”

    Me: *giving up* “How about two?”

    Customer: “Two in the afternoon?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Tomorrow?”

    Me: “Yes. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Bye. I’ll be there tomorrow at two.”

    (He didn’t show up to claim his item for three weeks.)

    Related:
    Very Time (Un)Conscious

    Not So Closed Minded, Part 7

    | Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (Near the end of my night shift I have been held up. The doors are smashed to pieces, there are at least four police cars on the forecourt (including the dog unit), several police in the store and crime scene tape across the entrance. While being interviewed by a detective I notice a regular walking up to the door.)

    Policeman: “You can’t go in there, ma’am.

    (He is on the other side of the forecourt, too far away to stop her. The customer ignores him and moves the cones.)

    Policeman: “Ma’am! You can’t go in. They’re closed.”

    (She ignores him again, ducks under the tape and weaves her way through the shattered glass past two more shocked policemen. After picking up the newspaper she walks to the counter.)

    Manager: “We’re closed.”

    Customer: “Oh. Really? Why?”

    Related:
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 4

    Demanding To A Fault(line)

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is a typical day at the ‘upscale’ grocery store I work at, in the bakery section. An older gentleman walks up.)

    Customer: “I’ll have one brownie, please.”

    (Right as he orders, the ground begins to shake. Glass bottles are clinking on the shelves, signs are swinging. It is pretty obvious we are having an earthquake which is not a normal occurrence in my state. It only lasts about 20 seconds but I stand there in shock for a few more before looking back at the customer.)

    Me: “Woah, that was crazy. Never felt anything like that before. Do you think that was an earthquake or what?”

    Customer: *looks at me with a completely straight face and says in a very loud voice, enunciating each syllable very clearly* “I. Said. One. Brownie. Please.”

    (I gave him his brownie and he walked away like nothing ever happened with the signs above his head still swinging…)

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