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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    He’s Fully Armed

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, One-Liners, Technology, Tourists/Travel

    (I am watching the walk-through metal detector when two teenagers line up to walk through. The first walks through. It doesn’t alarm and he gets excited. Then the second boy walks through…)

    Me: “Okay, walk through.”

    (The teenager walks through timidly then stops and stares at me.)

    Me: “You’re good to go.”

    (He then looks at his arms in astonishment.)

    Teenager: “Wow, I’m surprised these guns didn’t set it off!”

    All Smoke Where There Is No Fire

    | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (I volunteer as an EMT. This was one of the first calls I respond to.)

    Caller: “Please help! I can’t breathe!”

    Operator: “Yes, ma’am. Are you having an asthma attack?”

    Caller: “No, but I am about to! Those neighbors are frying chicken and the smoke is really bothering me! I can’t breathe! Please help!”

    Operator: “Okay, please go outside to get some air. We will dispatch an EMT crew to you.”

    (When we arrive, we discover the caller on her deck with a LIT CIGARETTE in her mouth, pacing back and forth.)

    Caller: “Finally! Someone to help me! I can’t breathe because of the horrible chicken smoke!”

    (The caller was taken to the ER for a check-up but, she was fine. Later I was told that she does this little trick often because she gets bored just sitting at home.)

    Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

    Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

    (As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

    Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

    Me: “So does my dog.”

    (The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

    The Mother Of Bad Decisions

    | SD, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am working at the customer service desk at the grocery store in my town. It’s about three in the afternoon, and I’m an hour into an eight-hour shift. I am alone at the front of the store, when a customer that I do not know comes up to me.)

    Me: “Hello. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, I need a babysitter for my kid tonight. Can you come and do it?”

    (I’m a little taken aback but give her a smile anyway.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but I am working the closing shift tonight.”

    Customer: “Great! Who is supposed to watch my kid tonight? I have very important plans!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

    Customer: “Thanks a lot! You just ruined my entire night! Teenagers today are so lazy and worthless!”

    (I stare at her open-mouthed as she stomps away. A few minutes later, I see her ask another one of my coworkers, whom politely declines, because she’s also working all night. The customer rushes out of the store cussing, leaving her full cart of groceries behind.)


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