Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

His Name Is Olaf And He Likes Hot Cheeseburgers

| AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am a male and take chats from the website of a large North American cable company.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company] sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Yes, [My Name], it’s Olaf!”

Me: “Hello, Olaf! How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “I need Internet, and I have a few questions. One: which service is best for gaming. Two: how much is a rental modem, and do you like cheeseburgers?”

Me: “Well, Olaf, that would be [Product], that modem is $3.99 per month, and I love cheeseburgers! Now, let’s get this ordered. I’ll be on with you to make sure all goes well!”

(The customer goes through the order without interruption, and an order number populates my screen.)

Me: “I see that order is [number]! Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], that was easy! I have to say, my name really isn’t Olaf. It’s too bad I’m married, because I think I have a crush on you.”

Me: “Ha ha ha, And I, you, Not-Olaf!”

Customer: “If only this did not have to end.”

Me: “Alas, Not-Olaf all things come to an end. So I must ask: is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “D***, I knew you would say that! But I guess I’ve bothered you enough. Goodbye, sexy.”

Me: “Bye Not-Olaf! This made my day!”

(Customer closes chat.)

Say Neigh To Demanding Customers, Part 2

| Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large adventure playground which is situated in a park. We are strictly a ‘no pets allowed’ establishment; however, the park is popular with dog walkers and is used for obedience and agility classes, so it is a common occurrence to have people come along with their dogs and get frustrated when we have to turn them away. In this situation I am overhearing one of my coworkers speaking on the phone.)

Coworker #1: “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

(Pause.)

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our playground has a strict ‘no pets allowed’ policy.”

(Longer pause.)

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry to hear that, but we really can’t make exceptions.”

(Pause.)

Coworker #1: “Ye—” *pause* “But I—” *pause* “We—” *pause* “No, th—” *pause*

(This carries on for some time, until eventually my coworker seems to give up.)

Coworker #1: *speaking very loudly* “YES, MA’AM, I UNDERSTAND. I’M SORRY WE COULDN’T WORK THINGS OUT. HAVE A NICE DAY.”

(He hangs up the phone with force and drops his head to the counter.)

Coworker #2: “Another person wanting to bring their puppy in, huh?”

Coworker #1: “No. She wanted to bring her HORSE.”

Related:
Say Neigh To Demanding Customers

Not A Productive Conversation

| KS, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I had some questions.”

Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

Should Hold His Tongue

| England, UK | Bizarre

Me: “[Booking Office]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like— Wait a minute. You’re the voice on the ‘on hold’ message!”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD! YOUR VOICE IS ANNOYING!”

Me: “Er… sorry?”

Banking On The Go(ing)

| Fairbanks, AK, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(While shopping I need to use the restroom, after going in I hear the following conversation:)

Other Occupant: “Yeah, I’d like to know why my bank charged me this amount. Huh? Hold on sweetie. I can’t hear you.” *puts phone on speaker* “What was that?”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “I need your account number ,ma’am, before I can look up anything.”

Other Occupant: “Oh, sure, it’s [number].”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “Okay, that charge was an excess transfer fee.”

Other Occupant: “Hold on.”

(The other occupant flushes the toilet.)

Other Occupant: *walking past* “So what is an excess transfer fee?”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “Um…”

(The worst part? She didn’t wash her hands as she left.)

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