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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Ignoring The Elephant In The Room

    | Corning, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a cashier at a local store. A man and a boy about seven walk in.)

    Me: “Did you know you have a sticker of an elephant on your back?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, my son here put something on my back a moment ago before walking in. I thought it was one of those ‘kick me’ signs.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nope, just an elephant.”

    (Overhearing, another customer walks over:)

    Customer #2: “Maybe it’s opening its mouth.”

    (Customer #1 gets a very confused look on his face and very slowly turns around, obviously trying to understand what Customer #2 meant, as was I.)

    Customer #2: “What?”

    (Pauses.)

    Customer #2: “You know, to say ‘kick me?'”

    Losing The Niceties Of Self-Importance

    | USA | Bizarre

    (My job is to sit at the front desk, a kind of helpful concierge, transferring calls, accepting packages. I am there to let people know that the company cares about their problems, and that there’s a human manning the lobby for security.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome back.”

    Young Man: *flings up his arm* “Don’t talk to me! I’m important!”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. I won’t do that again.”

    Rated ‘T’ For Tobacco

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in a video game store, the entirety of which is, as expected, covered in video games. We’re relatively empty one night, and a gentleman comes in and gives the whole store a visual once-over. After seemingly not finding what he’s looking for, he comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi, there. Is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. Do you sell cigarettes here?”

    Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, no, sir. I’m sorry. We’re a video game store.”

    Customer: “Oh, d***. Thanks.”

    (My manager and I have a small chuckle to ourselves, and nearly forget the man, until he pokes his head back in through our front door roughly ten minutes later.)

    Customer: *barely taking a step in the store* “You don’t sell cigarettes here, do you?”

    Manager: “Uh, no, sir. Haven’t gotten any cigarettes in. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    Needs To Get That Chip Off Their Shoulder

    | BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a jewelry store in Canada. In Canada, chip-enabled credit cards are the norm, since they provide extra security against fraud, and the cashier doesn’t have to check ID or take a signature. However, my company’s policy is to ALWAYS check customer ID with credit cards, even if they have a chip – no matter how small the purchase is.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take the bracelet. Thank you.”

    Me: “Fantastic! How would you like to pay today?”

    Customer: “Visa, please.”

    Me: “No problem, but could I just see a piece of photo ID with the credit card, please?”

    Customer: “But it has a chip. You don’t need ID with a chip card. That’s the whole point of the chip.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, it’s just our company policy in order to protect you and other customers when paying with credit. If you’d prefer to pay with a debit card or cash, I won’t need to see any ID at all.”

    Customer: “This has never happened to me before! The whole point of a CHIP is so that I don’t need ID!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, sir! If you’d like to run home and grab a debit card or cash, I’d be happy to hold your bracelet for you.”

    Customer: “That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. How ridiculous. Could you get your manager?”

    Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to.”

    (As I move to fetch my manager, the customer grins and throws down two pieces of valid government issued photo ID that match his card.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I was just teasing you. It’s true I’ve never had this happen to me before, but it’s a really good policy! Good for you for not backing down!”

    (I am utterly speechless, but we finish the transaction pleasantly enough)

    Customer: “I feel terrible for bugging you like that, but you can tell your manager you’re a star!”

    Hopes And Dreams In Aisle Four

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre

    (I’m at the register checking out a customer.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you doing today? Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you unable to find today?”

    Customer: “I didn’t find a million dollars. Or a man made of gold. Or 11 inches!”

    (I’m trying to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “Did you try the garden center?”

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