November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

The Mother Of All Assumptions

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays

(It’s Mother’s Day. Please note that I am 23 and look a little young for my age.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Me: “Thank you, sir?”

Customer: “You’re not a mother?”

Me: “No, sir!”

Customer: “Uh, Happy Sunday, then!”

Hooked On One Ad Only

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(We have a small ad board where patrons can pay to put up notices and adverts. Two eagle-eyed old ladies noticed that such a patron is promoting her psychic hotline while also promoting her other business venture… a massage parlour.)

Old Lady #1: “This is completely unacceptable.”

Library Manager: “I do apologise that this might offend you ladies, but there is nothing I can do.”

Old Lady #2: “We demand you take it down!”

Library Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we cannot prove that her business isn’t legitimate. She has paid for both notices and they are at opposite ends of the board.”

Old Lady #1: “But she is a fraud!”

Old Lady #2: “She is preying on vulnerable people!”

Library Manager: “One moment, are you referring to just her psychic business?”

Old Ladies: “Yes!”

Library Manager: “And you want just that one taken down?”

Old Ladies: “Yes!”

Old Lady #1: “Look, if she’s a hooker she’s probably not a real psychic…”

This Is What You Regularly Face

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(A sweet little old lady approaches my information desk.)

Customer: “Hello, love. I am looking for the rates for housing benefit.”

Me: “Certainly. Could I take your postcode?”

Customer: “It’s [postcode].”

Me: “Okay, that’s great. According to the government website, your benefit rate is [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, it’s gone up. Are you sure?”

Me: “It here says that the benefit increased this year.”

Customer: “Right. Well, could I get your name, please, dear?”

Me: “Certainly, it’s [My Name].”

Customer: “And do you work everyday?”

Me: “Actually, I’m part-time so I am only here Monday and Fridays.”

Customer: “Good. So if I find out that this information is wrong, I know when to come in and smash your face in.”

(The lady gathered her things and left. I am still in shock.)

Taking Good Account Of The Plumbing

| Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(I am working in the plumbing department of a big home improvement store. A customer comes to me on a busy weekend afternoon and asks about how to replace a toilet. I go through the steps. As I do so, he regularly interrupts to challenge what I’m saying.)

Me: “You have to set the toilet down straight to ensure a good seal. Hold it by the sides here and stand like this.”

Customer: “No, that’s not right.”

Me: “Yes, it is, because if you set it down on an angle the wax seal is squished and can’t bounce back.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

(And so on. This goes on for some time until finally he challenges what I say and instead of explaining, I ask how he plans on doing this.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m not doing anything. I’m an accountant; I don’t know anything about plumbing. I’m having someone else do it but I want to be able to challenge them and look like I know what I’m talking about.”

Well Just Thanks A Lunch!

| VT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(There’s this little old lady around my town is well known for cleaning the front of shops and the streets in exchange for lunch or pay. She is also known for playing the ‘helpless little old lady card’ to get free things. It’s lunchtime so I close the shop, head out the back door and grab some food. I’m gone five minutes, tops. I come back in through the back door and re-open and the day goes on as usual. What I don’t know is that my mother brought me lunch as a surprise in the five minutes that I was gone. She had put it on the front step and left. My mother explains to me that that night that she left me food. I suddenly remember seeing the little old lady pick up a brown paper bag outside the door window, which I now know held my lunch. I assume she threw it in the garbage. The next night I’m working and the little old lady comes in.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Little Old Lady: “Good, good. How are you?”

Me: “I am well. Did you happen to see a brown paper bag full of food outside of the store last night?”

Little Old Lady: “Was it yours?”

Me: “It was but I guess it’s in the garbage now. Oh, well.”

Little Old Lady: “It was good. I saved some for tonight and I’ll think of you while I’m eating it.”