November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Shouldn’t Have Made A Meal Out Of It

| Leipzig, Germany | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am working as an alternative worker in the endoscopy ward of our hospital. The rule here is that before the medical exam in our ward the patients are not allowed to eat for some hours. Another worker brings a new patient in her bed.)

Me: “What is her exam?”

Worker: “Endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes sure. Which kind of endoscopy?”

Worker: “Just endoscopy.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which one? Gastroscopy? Colonoscopy?”

Worker: “Sorry. I don’t know more. They just told me to bring her to you.”

(I check the patient’s files and see that it is a gastroscopy. I inform the nurse.)

Me: “Okay. So you are for the gastroscopy?”

Patient: “Yes, young man. So I just ate spaghetti and now you are gonna stick a tube down my throat?”

Me: “Yes. Wait, did you said you just ate?”

Patient: “Yes, of course. I had spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti. I just had them for lunch. And now I’m here.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. You are not allowed to eat before the examination.”

(I call the nurse and inform her who also confirms it with the patient.)

Nurse: “Yes, ma’am. You were informed about this, that you are not allowed to eat before the examination. We have to reschedule the medical exam. We will talk to the doctor about a new appointment. You will have to go back to your ward.”

Patient: “But it was spaghetti. Beautiful spaghetti!”

Needs A Repeat Lesson

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A customer asks for help in the self serve copy area, and as I’m trying to show him how to work the copier, he’s asking me questions.)

Customer: “How long have you worked here for?”

Me: *laughing* “Too long.”

Customer: “How long’s that?”

Me: “About four years.”

Customer: “Why don’t you go to school?”

Me: “I did go to school. It’s hard to find jobs in the career path you went to school for, especially in this area.”

Customer: “Why don’t you go back to school?”

Me: “I can’t afford it.”

Customer: “Well, are you a manager or something here?”

Me: “Nope, just full time.”

(I leave as soon as I’m done helping him, eager to stop talking about how I still work in retail. About six months later, I recognize the same man in line at my counter. He waits while I book in copy orders and ring through customers with items. Finally when it’s his turn, he doesn’t even have items or something to copy.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]! How’s it going?”

Me: “Fine, you?”

Customer: “Good! So you’re still here, eh? Have you been looking for other jobs?”

Me: “Kind of… I’m usually always looking for something that’s closer to my schooling.”

Customer: “Well, why don’t you get a job in [Nearby Large City]? There’s tons of jobs there!”

Me: “Because I don’t want to live in the city, or commute every day for work.”

Customer: “Well, that’s where the jobs are!”

Me: “I see.”

Customer: “Well, you should talk to a head-hunter! That’s their job, you know, finding other people jobs!”

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(After he leaves, my coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “What was that?”

Me: “A stranger who literally waited in line just to ask me why I’m still working here.”

An Unrewarding Realization

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Me: “Welcome to [Store].”

(Customer waves and walks past me, goes shopping, and then comes up to the counter to check out.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store] Rewards card?”

(The customer looks around then at my name tag.)

Customer: “What store am I in?”

The Milk Of Human Weirdness

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small-town at one of the three restaurants that the residents have to choose from, so we get a lot of regulars. One regular in particular comes on a near daily basis and has always seemed generally friendly and polite, if not a little bit strange. Nevertheless, he knows all the employees there very well and often chats with us while he’s in the store. One day he decides to have story time.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, it’s been rather lonely ever since my wife died.”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry for your loss!”

Customer: “Yeah, I miss her a lot. She was a very kind, accommodating woman. Shortly after she had our daughter she began breastfeeding her, so I asked her if I could breastfeed off of her for sexual pleasure.”

(I was very thrown-off by this and really disturbed. The only people in the store were me and this regular along with another coworker of mine who was out back smoking. That meant I didn’t even have anyone to distract me or change the topic of conversation as I was too shocked into silence to do so myself. He continued to ramble on, unaware of my horror.)

Customer: “It was completely consensual. We both found it very satisfying. And long after our daughter got older, my wife, God bless her, kept lactating because I was breastfeeding off of her so much. She kept producing milk until the day she died.”

Me: “That’s… really, uh…”

Customer: “She was a rather large woman, bless her heart.”

(My coworker had come back in and saw that I was red in the face and was slightly confused by my look of obvious discomfort, considering I was serving a regular who we all liked and knew well. She decided to listen in to see what was up.)

Customer: “I know this isn’t something you’d typically say in public or anything, but I figure we know each other well enough.”

Me: “Um… ”

(My coworker seemed to know that he must’ve said something to freak me out and quickly jumped in.)

Coworker: “Hey, if you want I can finish his sandwich so you can go do that… thing.”

(I practically sprinted into the back room. Later, I explained to my co-worker what he had said and she was as horrified as I was. The icing on the cake is that I get to see him nearly every single day. Every. Single. Day.)

Don’t Drive Fast(food)

, | Everett, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, would you like to try [New Sandwich we are promoting] today?”

Customer: “No thanks, I’m driving.”