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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Mad As A Hater

    | Spearfish, SD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m working at a big box store as a cashier. There are two cashiers up front. I’m at register #2 and a coworker is at #4, so there is a register in between us. A customer walks up to register #3. My supervisor tells the lady she can either go to register #2 or register #4.)

    Customer: “I hate Obama! I just want you all to know that.”

    (The customer huffs and goes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi there! Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “I don’t trust credit cards. I pay only in cash.”

    Me: “Well, it’s not a credit ca—”

    Customer: “I don’t trust companies! Don’t you worry about me. I will just pay cash.”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I proceed to ring up her items.)

    Customer: “You know you can only get boy tank tops?! I don’t wear bras! I never have, only when I was breastfeeding.”

    Me: “Yeah. Unfortunately for women you have to buy separate tank tops.”

    Customer: “I’ve never liked girls. I only had boys.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Today your total is [total].”

    Customer: “And you know what? I hate Martha Stewart. She is a royal b****!”

    (All I can do is laugh awkwardly and give the customer her change and receipt.)

    Me: “Well, have a nice day.”

    Customer: “And those Kardashian girls. They are so FAKE!”

    (The customer crumples up her receipt and throws it at me. She storms away. The other cashier and my supervisor just stare at me. We are all stunned.)

    Me: “Did that really just happen?”

    Handled The Change Well

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Movies & TV, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at a local theater in the box office. I pride myself on quick service and being polite. I see some guys watching the line and specifically picking me to get their tickets.)

    Customer #1: “Hi! Can I get two tickets to see [Movie] please?”

    Me: “Certainly!”

    (I ring in their movie choices and show their total, reading it off to them.)

    Customer #1: “Perfect! Here.”

    (Customer #1 then hands me a roll of electrical tape. I look at him and then unroll it and realize that he has taped exact change for two tickets in quarters, dimes, and nickels. Flabbergasted, I give him a look to see if he’s attempting to play me.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but do you realize the amount of work this requires for me?”

    Customer #2: “But you have to accept it, right? Can’t you just count it out? I mean, it’s exactly how much our tickets are.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can count it up. But in order to process this order and put it in my till, I’ll need to take each coin off the strip of tape, count them, and then put them in the till.”

    Customer #1: “But… then we’ll be late for the movie!”

    (I’m still not convinced that they aren’t attempting to play me. I count out almost 20 dollars of exact change, putting it into stacks on the counter. Then I do a quick count to make sure I didn’t miss any coins.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. Everything seems to be in order. Here are your tickets.”

    Customer #2: “I’d like to file a complaint with your manager! That was one of the longest transactions I’ve ever experienced at this theater.”

    (A manager actually works the box at all times. My manager has seen my dilemma and had given me a sympathetic shrug as I counted, and apparently has heard the customer complain.)

    Manager: “I’d like you to have a look at this sign.”

    (My manager points to the sign behind the counter that informs customers of our right to refuse service.)

    Manager: “At any point [My Name] could’ve chosen not to admit you into this theater. I think that he didn’t makes up for the fact that you are going to miss the first few previews from your movie.”

    (Customer #2 glares at me. Suddenly, Customer #1, who has been silent since handing me his quarters, grabs his friend by the ear and drags him into the theater before Customer #2 can speak again.)

    Crazy Golf

    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Themed Giveaway

    (To pay for university costs, I work for a small, government run golf course as a cashier. A customer in his forties enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Golf Course]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’d like to play nine holes on the course with buggy hire. Thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Your total comes to $30. Will you be paying in cash or by card?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was hoping I could give you this instead?”

    (The customer slides a bottle of unmarked, white liquid across the table and looks at me grinning.)

    Me: “Uh… sir. I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “Oh, I make my own perfume in my bathtub! How about this bottle for my course fees?”

    Me: “Sir, I must insist that you pay with currency. Perfume is not legal tender and I not be able to balance my till otherwise.”

    (The customer takes the bottle back hastily, looking as if I’d just insulted his mother.)

    Customer: “You don’t want my perfume? What kind of golf course is this!?”

    Making A Display Of Themselves

    | NM, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in a department store selling shoes, where we keep the smallest size on display. We are often only sent one pair in each size, so it’s not uncommon for small-footed customers to ask for discounts on display shoes.)

    Customer: “This shoe fits me perfectly, but it’s the display.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our only size six.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount?”

    Me: “We only offer discounts on shoes with obvious defects or damage. These look fine to me, but if you don’t want to take the display I can order you a new pair.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

    Me: “I can treat them with leather lotion, which will solve any dryness or minor scuffs from being on display.”

    (The customer narrows her eyes at me. She puts the toe of the shoe in her mouth and bites down, leaving obvious teeth marks in the leather.)

    Customer: “How about now?”

    (My manager, who has seen the whole thing, has walked up behind me.)

    Manager: “Now you have to buy them. Full price.”

    Customer: “But they’re damaged!”

    Manager: “And I’m sure the police would love to hear how you purposefully gnawed on our merchandise. Shall we call them?”

    (The customer hung her head, but quietly paid for the shoes. She hasn’t been in since.)

    Certified Or Certifiable?

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway

    (A few weeks ago I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand, between my thumb and index finger. Though it has healed, I have a scar, and it still hurts quite a bit if I hit it on anything. A customer has purchased a battery operated device. Store policy is to put batteries in it to make sure it works before they leave. I go to put batteries in but the cap slips out of my hand and manages to hit my scar.)

    Me: “Ouch!”

    Customer: “What happened?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. The cap hit the scar on my hand.”

    Customer: “How’d you get it?”

    Me: “Oh, I was at my other job, when I accidentally stabbed my hand. It healed pretty quickly with no infection. So, it’s all better now.”

    Customer: “Why would you do that?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why would you stab yourself?”

    Me: *joking* “Well, it just seemed like such a good idea at the time.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t do that! You should see someone about your issues right away!”

    Me: “Um, it was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t lie to cover up your problems. Here take my card. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: “No, thank you. It really was an accident. I was just joking earlier.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! I demand that we set up an appointment. I’m going to help you. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: *sigh* “….so you said.”

    Customer: “Good. Now, how does meeting me at [address] at 2 pm tomorrow sound?”

    (I am defeated, and am just trying to get this customer out of my store.)

    Me: “Sure, sounds just fine.”

    Customer: “Okay! See you then. And don’t worry, we will help you with your issues. Just don’t do anything too bad before we meet again!”

    (The customer walks off smiling. I never went to that meeting, although I did give my boss a heads up if a crazy woman came asking for me.)


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