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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Not A Productive Conversation

    | KS, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

    Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

    Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

    Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

    Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

    Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I had some questions.”

    Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

    Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

    Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

    Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

    Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

    Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

    Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

    Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

    Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

    Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

    Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

    Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

    Should Hold His Tongue

    | England, UK | Bizarre

    Me: “[Booking Office]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like— Wait a minute. You’re the voice on the ‘on hold’ message!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! YOUR VOICE IS ANNOYING!”

    Me: “Er… sorry?”

    Banking On The Go(ing)

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (While shopping I need to use the restroom, after going in I hear the following conversation:)

    Other Occupant: “Yeah, I’d like to know why my bank charged me this amount. Huh? Hold on sweetie. I can’t hear you.” *puts phone on speaker* “What was that?”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “I need your account number ,ma’am, before I can look up anything.”

    Other Occupant: “Oh, sure, it’s [number].”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “Okay, that charge was an excess transfer fee.”

    Other Occupant: “Hold on.”

    (The other occupant flushes the toilet.)

    Other Occupant: *walking past* “So what is an excess transfer fee?”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “Um…”

    (The worst part? She didn’t wash her hands as she left.)

    Wish You Were Just Pulling My Leg

    | Taylor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I was working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a cart full of two-packs of turkey legs.)

    Me: “Wow, these are pretty big; they make me think of renaissance festival turkey legs.”

    Customer: “Yeah, exactly! I’m going to put them in my smoker. They come out just like that.”

    Me: “Oh, sounds nice! Now I’m craving one!” *laughs*

    Customer: “You are? I could give you one if you like!”

    (I laugh it off as a joke and finish the transaction normally. However, a couple of days later, I see the customer return with a food container in the child seat of her cart.)

    Customer: “Oh! I was hoping you were working this shift again. Guess what I brought you!”

    (She opens the container and pulls out a whole turkey leg, smoked so much it’s falling off the bone she’s holding it by.)

    Customer: “I brought you one like I said!”

    Me: *surprised* “I… uh? Thank you, but… I really can’t take it!”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. I have plenty. You saw. You said you wanted one right? Take it!”

    (I continue to politely refuse while she literally shoved the turkey leg at me, it’s falling apart on my belt and getting grease everywhere.)

    Me: *desperate* “I can’t eat on the job. I could get in trouble!”

    Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll just leave you it here for it later then.”

    (She puts the turkey leg right on the belt and hurries off like nothing happened, leaving me to clean up the greasy mess. It was a nice gesture but an odd one at that!)

    Actions Are Totally Out Of Order

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (It is near the end of my shift and I am cleaning the bathrooms in my section. The only event currently going on is being held at the other end of the building; there are two other sets of bathrooms and several closed doors between the event and my area. Nonetheless, out of habit, I have put up the “CLOSED FOR CLEANING” sign in the doorway of the women’s bathroom. It’s a bright yellow sign, on a bright yellow safety bar, that is at chest level so that people can’t just walk underneath it. I have just finished cleaning the mirrors and sinks. As I turn away from the mirrors, a woman walks in.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but this bathroom is closed.”

    Woman: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because I’m cleaning it.”

    Woman: “Well, you should have a sign up!”

    Me: “Uh, I do. Right across the doorway”

    Woman: “Well, that doesn’t apply to me! I have to go!”

    Me: “Are you with the group on the other side of the church?”

    Woman: “YES! Now let me use the bathroom!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you would have had to pass by two other bathrooms on the way down here. Those were much closer to your event.”

    Woman: “I wanted to use this one!”

    (My bathrooms aren’t that special; they’re the oldest bathrooms in the building. The ones by her event are much nicer and had been renovated only a year ago. One toilet in my bathroom is also out of order, while we wait for a back-ordered part to come in.)

    Me: “All right, fine.”

    (She tries to go into the stall with the big ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign. The stall is locked AND taped shut, since people had been ignoring the sign most of the week and unlocking the stall. Thus far, the tape had deterred them.)

    Woman: “Why can’t I get in here?! I want in! I have to go!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that stall is out of order. The toilet doesn’t work. That’s why there’s a sign and the door is taped shut. There are seven other stalls that are just fine.”

    Woman: *huffing* “FINE!”

    (I go out to my cart to take inventory of what I need to restock before I leave, while I wait for her to finish. A few minutes later, she comes barreling out, knocking my sign out of the doorway.)

    Woman: “Your toilet is broken!” *storms off down the hall*

    (I rolled my eyes, put the sign back, and went to clean whichever toilet she used, figuring she had probably gotten the one with the finicky flusher. She hadn’t. What she had done was unlock the out of order stall and ripped the tape down… and then ripped down the out of order sign, tossed it in the toilet, and urinated and defecated on it. I had to call my shift supervisor down to turn the water back on to that toilet so I could clean it, which left me with a flooded floor from the huge leak that had necessitated closing that toilet in the first place.)

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