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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Blood Type Z-Negative

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (We carry liquid candy blood packs at our novelty shop. One looks like a regular blood IV bag and the other is green and is called ‘zombie blood.’ A customer comes up to the counter with a worried look and points to the zombie blood.)

    Customer: “Is this REAL?”

    Flyer Doesn’t Fly With You

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    Customer: “Is this the item that’s on for $69?”

    Coworker: “Yes, that’s the one in the flyer for $69″

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll get it but I want to get other things too.”

    (Later the customer brings the item to my checkout.)

    Customer: “Is that the one on sale?”

    Me: “Yes, for $69.”

    Customer: “That’s the sale price?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “That girl over there told me it was in the flyer.”

    Me: “It is. For $69.”

    Customer: “Can you check the flyer?”

    (I humor her and check, but it takes me a little bit to find it in the flyer. Before I find it, the coworker from before walks by.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s her! How much is this item?”

    Coworker: “$69.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks!”

    A Mixed Bag

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Language & Words

    Coworker: “Paper or plastic?”

    Customer: I don’t care. I’m bi. I like it both ways.”

    Mocking Beliefs Will Cost You

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    Customer: “Hey, how much is this?”

    (I don’t know the price either, but there is a haphazardly placed sign in front of the item that vaguely matches its description.)

    Me: *looking at sign* “I believe it’s $49.99.”

    Customer: “You BELIEVE? Can you go check the actual price?”

    Me: “Why certainly, sir.”

    (I grab the item and bring it to a cash register to scan it. It comes up as $89.99.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I checked the price for you. It’s actually $89.99.”

    Customer: “What?! But that sign says $49.99!”

    Me: “But sir, you very obviously had doubts about this sign, because you asked me for the price.”

    Customer: “But you even said it was $49.99!”

    Me: “No sir, I said that I BELIEVED it to be $49.99. You didn’t like that answer, so I went to check the price like you’ve asked me to. All I’ve done was follow your directions.”

    Customer: “D*** it! Me and my big mouth!”

    (He still bought it, though. After all, isn’t the customer ‘always right’?)

    Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work for moving truck company. When your truck breaks down, you call me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Truck Company] Emergency Road Service. My name is [My Name]. May I have your first and last name?”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE, B****! YOU DON’T NEED MY NAME! MY TRUCK IS ON FIRE AND I’VE GOT 8,000 PARAKEETS IN THE BACK OF IT!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I suggest you hang up and call 911 and give them your location. If you’re on the highway they can usually find you by your nearest mile-marker or exit—”

    Customer: “YOU NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS F****** PIECE OF S***! I’M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY!”

    Me: “Sir, your animals’ lives are in danger and yours might be, too. Please disconnect this call and phone the fire department.”

    Customer: “IT DON’T MATTER! THEY’RE ALL ALREADY DEAD AND I’M OUT OF THE D*** TRUCK! THEY WERE FOR STUFFING!”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you have thousands of dead parakeets for taxidermy in the back of your truck and that you’re still not going to call the emergency line to get the fire department to come put our truck out? Sir, are you aware that our policy dictates that you may not have animals in our vehicles, dead or alive?”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHAT YOUR POLICY DICTATES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE THOUSANDS OFF THOSE BIRDS AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY ME FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!”

    (I just hit the insurance line without a word, and went on break. My poor supervisor pinged me when I got back, laughing himself sick.)

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