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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Never EVER Burst His Bubble

    , | CT, USA | Bizarre

    (I used to work in one of the retail stores for a major shipping company. We sold all sorts of shipping materials, but the one that most caught customers’ eyes was the 250′ roll of bubble wrap. One day this older man who seemed like he might have been high walked into the store, stared at the two rolls of bubble wrap stacked on top of one another, and then looked creepily over at my coworker and me.)

    Customer: “I’ve always wondered how much bubble wrap it would take to ship a corpse.”

    Me: “Well, I would guess that depends on the size of the corpse.” *nervous laughter*

    Customer: *creepy smile* “I’ll let you know.”

    (He left and my coworker and I were left wondering whether or not we should call the cops.)

    No Real Cause For Concern

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a very busy furniture store that is often out of stock of popular items and is constantly changing stock. A customer demands an item that has been discontinued and is no longer displayed as current merchandise. A manager and I find out there is an order of one left coming in but the date is unknown and a week later explains to the customer that the date is set to arrive a month from now.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the merchandise you ordered isn’t expected to come in until the 31st, so—”

    Customer: “What do you mean the 31st!? This is not acceptable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have no control over the expected date. We no longer carry it on our floor and a final order has been fulfilled for you at the expected date but we will—”

    Customer: “No, that is not acceptable. No one told me it was no longer available. You need to make this right for me.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, before you started talking I was trying to tell you we would refund your money for delivery since you are having to wait such a long period of time.”

    Customer: “Well, you should apologize for that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did apologize right before the first time you interrupted me.”

    Customer: “You should do something to make me happy.”

    Me: “Ma’am, after I apologized I offered you our delivery service for free which would normally cost you $120.”

    Customer: “Fine. You should sound more concerned. Your voice didn’t sound sincere enough for me.”

    Now You’re Talking

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre

    (I am alone in my store when a customer comes in. Because of where I am located, I can’t get to within her line of sight immediately, but it’s not a very big store so she can hear me.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m well, thanks, and you?”

    Me: “Fine, thank you!”

    (I continue talking as I walk. I am now two feet away from her and wearing a nametag.)

    Me: “Has it been a while since were here?”

    Customer: “Oh. Um. I guess it has?”

    Me: “Okay, welcome back!”

    (She gives me a puzzled look.)

    Customer: “Do you, um, work here or something?

    Me: *baffled* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you were another customer. I wondered why you were so chatty!”

    Listening Skills Don’t Carry Much Weight

    | WV, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Transportation

    (I am a cashier at a grocery store. Our management does not allow customers to take shopping carts outside. Instead, if a customer has a large order of groceries, we load them into a trolley and an employee follows the customer to their vehicles with the groceries. We always have employees on-hand to do these carry outs. An elderly customer comes to my register with several two-liters of soda and a box containing a 12-pack of soda, among other things. Thinking that this must be heavy, I offer to call a carry out for her.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like a carry out today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Would you like help out?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Would you like help out to your car?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *very slowly and deliberately* “Would you like someone to help carry your bags to your car?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, dear. I don’t need that.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It would be no trouble at all.”

    Customer: “I’m sure!”

    (I shrug and ring up her order. I bag her groceries, she pays, and I hand her a receipt.)

    Me: “Thanks a lot. Have a great day!”

    Customer: *stares at her bags of groceries* “Well, how am I supposed to carry all of this by myself?!”

    Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, History

    (I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”

    Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”

    Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*

    Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”

    Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”

    Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”

    Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”

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