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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    And The Father Of Despair Is On Aisle Three

    | MT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Funny Names

    (I am doing a return for a customer. She is getting money back for it. I have to get a manager to come up to open the register. To do so, I call over our walkie-talkies.)

    Me: “Can I get an M.O.D to customer service?”

    Customer: “M.O.D?”

    Me: “Oh, M.O.D just means ‘manager on duty.’”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought it stood for ‘Mother of Destruction!’”

    Nothing But Air Between His Bun

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a burger restaurant. We’ve just started a new promotion with two new burgers.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, umm… Can I try your new burger?”

    Me: “Sure. Is that the cheddar burger or the Mediterranean chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Uh… what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The cheddar burger is a beef burger with cheddar cheese, while the Mediterranean is a chicken burger with peppers and salsa.”

    Customer: “I… I don’t know?”

    Me: “This one…” *points to picture* “…is our new beef burger, and this one…” *points to another picture* “…is our new chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Oh right! So, can I get the new one?”

    Me: “Chicken or beef, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh… chicken? I guess?

    Me: “So, just to check you want the Mediterranean chicken burger? This burger here?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “Okay. Anything else for you?”

    Customer: “So, what have I ordered?”

    Me: “This burger here, sir.” *points to picture again* “The Mediterranean chicken burger.”

    Customer: “Wait, what’s in it?”

    Me: “Crispy chicken, peppers, lettuce, salsa and mayo. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sounds good!”

    (I hand the customer his meal and he walks off. He’s back about 10 minutes later, with half of the burger.)

    Customer: “Erm, this isn’t what I ordered.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I thought you wanted the Mediterranean chicken?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted the new burger. That one!” *points at cheddar burger picture*

    Me: “Oh, right… Okay. I’ll just get that for you. Have you already eaten half of the chicken burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry! I didn’t realise until now that it wasn’t the beef one.”

    Not Just The Cream Turning Sour

    | Wichita, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (This week, we’re running a deal on a certain brand of sour cream. A customer starts loading her groceries onto the belt.)

    Me: “Hi! Is that it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, dear! That’s all.”

    (I make small talk with her while I’m ringing her out. Then I notice that she has two tubs of the sour cream on sale.)

    Me: “I have some good news! We’re running an awesome special on this sour cream right now. If you want to grab another one, it’ll be free.”

    (The customer freezes and stares at me, her eyes wide.)

    Customer: “…excuse me?”

    Me: “Er, it’s three-for-two? We have a refurbi—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

    (I ring my manager immediately, because her transformation was, frankly, terrifying.)

    Manager: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “This little c*** tried to charge me for three tubs of sour cream! Do you treat all of your customers this way? Do you ENJOY ripping people OFF and GUTTING THEM of their HARD-EARNED MONEY?”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What?”

    Me: “The three-for-two!” *I turn to the customer again* “Ma’am, I was trying to explain that you can get three for the price of two.”

    Customer: “C***! You just enjoy watching other people’s money get snatched away. You don’t care.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise. I wasn’t—”

    Manager: “Okay, okay. Everyone calm down.”

    (My manager nudges me toward the break room.)

    Manager: “I’ll finish up here.”

    (The customer shrieks as I make my way to the break room, demanding that I be prosecuted for larceny and threatening to call the police. Even when I am in the break room, I can still hear her. I call my girlfriend, hoping she can calm me down. My girlfriend also works in the store.)

    Girlfriend: “Wait. Wait. Does this woman have purple glasses?”

    Me: “…yes.”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, my God. Yeah, babe. I’m gonna go out and buy you a nice bottle of wine; how’s that?”

    (As it turns out, that woman had gone off on three other employees, including my girlfriend, on our old manager’s watch. She had been banned from the store until our new manager was hired. She actually tried to sue one of the cashiers for larceny!)

    Toying With The Public

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work for the municipal division of a road construction company. One part of my job is going out to sites, once the job has been completed, to take measurements for our quantities reports. To do this I use a measuring wheel tool. I am out measuring a sidewalk that has just been completed.)

    Pedestrian: “Aren’t you a little old to be playing with children’s toys?”

    Me: *confused* “Pardon?”

    Pedestrian: *gestures at the wheel* “That’s a toy for toddlers! With those bright colours and all the noise it makes!”

    (The wheel is fluorescent orange and black, and makes a ticking noise as the number of meters roll up.)

    Me: “Well, first, I’d like to say that you are never too old to play with toys. Second, this is a measuring wheel, and I am using it to record my company’s final quantities on the city sidewalk program. It’s a tool, not a toy.”

    Pedestrian: “What a horrible liar you are! Let’s see what your boss has to say about you playing with some kid’s toy on the job AND lying!”

    (With that she storms off. I continue my work. When I return to the office later that day my safety manager calls me to her office, as she deals with complaints. She was crying from laughing so hard.)

    Talking To Private Line

    | OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

    (I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

    Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

    Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

    Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

    Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

    Me: “No… sir?”

    Caller: *hangs up*


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