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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    That’s One Way To Get Your Goat

    | Colchester, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m serving canapés at an outdoor wedding and approach a group of guests.)

    Me: “Would anyone like a canapé?”

    Guest: “What’s in them?”

    Me: “That’s a goat’s cheese tartlet with sun-brushed tomatoes.”

    Guest: “Oh, no, I won’t. I just don’t like goat’s cheese. No offence.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t actually make them but I’m sure the chef won’t mind!”

    Guest: “I didn’t mean any offence. I know you’re not a goat!”

    Me: “…Thank you, sir.”

    Ordering Was Not His Calling

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fish and chip takeaway, and have just had a phone order from a lady who ordered fish and chips, as well as a mussel fritter. After hanging up to pin up the order, the manager tells me we are out of mussel fritters, and since it is relatively quiet tells me to phone her back in order to ask whether she wants an alternative. I dial the number I’d written on the order. A man, who I assume is the caller’s husband, picks up the phone.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [Takeaway]. I’m calling about an order you’ve just placed earlier?”

    Customer: “What? Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Takeaway]. I’m just calling to ask you about an order you placed earlier-“

    Customer: “You’re the takeaway?”

    (I’m worried I may have had the wrong number, but it’s highly unlikely.)

    Me: “Yes. I want to ask you about—”

    Customer: “No, why are you calling? You’re a takeaway, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m calling concerning your order-“

    Customer: “No, listen here. You’re a takeaway. You’re not supposed to be calling me. You don’t call people. I’m supposed to be calling you. Goodbye.”

    (He hangs up. I confirm through the phone system that I had called the right number, as the last two calls through the phone are the same number and matches the one on the order, but I don’t say anything. Later, a man picks up the order, the same one I assume took the call.)

    Me: *being very polite and making it out to be as much my fault as possible* “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise as I took your order, but we’d actually run out of mussel fritters. I tried to call you back but I couldn’t reach you, so we replaced it with a paua fritter. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a paua fritter. I don’t like the taste. Why didn’t you say anything when you took the order?”

    (Cue internal screaming.)

    Works With Different Fibres

    | Finland | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (During a day off, I get a phone call.)

    Me: “[My Name].”

    Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller], about [some renovation project]…”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Caller: “…Isn’t this [Plumber]?”

    Me: “No, this is a private number.”

    Caller: “Well, do you by any chance do plumbing for living or something like that?”

    Me: “Telecom engineer, so different kind of pipes. Sorry.” *click*

    Whistling With A Specific Porpoise

    | USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier. It’s a slow Monday, so I’m at the front tidying up shelves. A woman wearing dark sunglasses and holding the harness of a dog comes walking in and stops about five feet from the door.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Woman: “Hello!” *starts whistling loudly and walks a few more feet into the store* “Mom!”

    Me: *raise eyebrows*

    Woman: *sees me looking at her* “It’s okay. We have echolocation!” *starts whistling loudly again*

    (After a few more seconds, nobody has answered her whistling.)

    Woman: “Nope. Not this store.”

    A Probing Set Of Questions

    , | Ithaca, NY, USA | Bizarre, School

    (Our college has students that work with the officers of public safety to help patrol the college and dorms at night. Other students like to tease us to varying degrees. This conversation takes place with a student who is tipsy but still being rather polite.)

    Student: “What if I took off running right now?”

    Me: *jokingly* “That’s what the flashlight is for.”

    Student: “What if you miss?”

    Me: “That’s what the radio is for.”

    Student: “What if you miss?”

    Me: “That’s what the probie is for.” *look at my partner* “Go fetch.”

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