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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Dude Needs Some Sleep

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

    Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

    Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

    Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

    (I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

    Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

    Make Him Go Red In The Face

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (My father runs a dog grooming shop, and I have been helping him out there since I was about 10 during times when I’m not in school. During the time of this exchange, I was maybe 14 and working the counter when an older man, maybe in his 50s or 60s, came to pick up his dog.)

    Man: “I’m here to pick up Maggie.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $42 today.”

    Man: *smiles* “So, is your hair dyed, or are you a natural redhead?”

    (I had recently bleached my hair from black in an attempt to get it light enough to dye bright red. It was a bright orange color from the bleach, and very obviously not a natural color. On top of that, my eyebrows are dark brown, revealing my natural color.)

    Me: “Um, I bleached it from black, and it just kind of turned this color. It wasn’t on purpose.”

    Man: “Oh, I see. Yeah, my ex-wife was a redhead. Feisty little thing, she was.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.” *awkward smile*

    Man: “But, yeah, I’m just bringing Maggie by to be groomed while I’m waiting for my wife to get out of physical therapy. She can’t move around very well.”

    Me: “All right. Well, if you’d like to hand over your leash and collar, I’ll go get Maggie for you.”

    (I go to get the dog and he leaves with her, only to forget his wallet on the counter. Still not sure if he did that on purpose or not, really. I of course have to call him and let him know that we have it, so he immediately returns.)

    Me: “Here’s your wallet, sir.”

    Man: “Thanks. Haha, you didn’t use my card to buy a new car, did you?”

    (Considering the subtle yet creepy lines he’d dropped, I wasn’t sure if he had realized how young I was. I decided to drop a hint.)

    Me: “Oh, no, haha. I’m nowhere near old enough to drive.”

    (He started to look a bit surprised and just left with a simple thank you. I haven’t seen him since.)

    Don’t Hand It To Racism

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I used to work at a cookie shop at the mall. At this point the customer’s cookie is wrapped and put on the counter in front of me so I can handle her money.)

    Customer: “Where is my cookie?”

    Me: *points* “It’s right there.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you hand it to me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    (I pick up the cookie and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “What, do you not touch black people or nothing?!”

    (I have no idea how to react to this as she stomps off.)

    Not The Most Connected Of Families

    | KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work at a popular video game store inside of a mall. One evening I greet a boy around the age of 15. Not much time passes before I notice he’s been browsing the XBox Live cards and seems very lost.)

    Me: “Hey, did you have any questions?”

    Boy: “I just got an XBox 360, and my buddy said I need a live membership. What’s that?”

    (I go through the explanation of how XBox Live works, how it gets you free games and everything, etc.)

    Boy: “Okay. But then, how do I get it in my system?”

    Me: “Well, the cards here come with a code. On your 360, you just go into the store while logged in on your account, and there should be an area to redeem the code on the back. That’ll get it attached to your account! It’s really easy.”

    Boy: *seems suspicious* “So then… I guess… they mail it to me?”

    Me: “Oh, no! You just enter the code that comes with the card onto your 360, and it goes on there… I may not be explaining this right, sorry. But there are detailed instructions on the card!”

    Boy: “…so then, after I put it on my system, they mail it to me?!”

    Me: “Ah, nope… It’s all digital.”

    Boy: “But then where do the free games come from?”

    Me: “They’re digital as well! You download them. It’s easy, and it pretty much explains itself as you do it.”

    Boy: “And then if I download them they mail me something?”

    Me: “Oh, nope, you don’t get anything in the mail.”

    Boy: “But then how do I get it?”

    Me: “You… download it?”

    Boy: “But then what will they mail me?”

    Me: “Nothing? Anything you need you download right to your XBox 360. Like, through the Internet.”

    Boy: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Boy: “So I just enter that code, and then download it?”

    Me: “Yeah!”

    Boy: “Through the mail.”

    Me: “No, nothing comes in the mail; it’s through the Internet.”

    Boy: “But then what do I download through the mail?”

    Me: “… nothing comes through the mail.”

    Boy: “How do you make it come through?”

    Me: “The Internet.”

    Boy: “I can get Internet on my XBox?! I set up the wifi for Netflix, but I didn’t know it got actual Internet.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s crazy what you can do in 2014.”

    Boy: “Can you explain this to my dad? He knows nothing about this stuff. Hey, dad, come here, this girl figured out that I have Internet on my XBox!”

    (A man, maybe in his 40s, dressed all in camo with hunting boots and looking very scary comes up.)

    Boy: “She just told me how to download things from the Internet for my XBox without mailing them.”

    Man: “I don’t know how your mom will feel about that.”

    (I had to repeat the entire conversation with the boy to his father and basically explain every technological advance related to Internet use. I kept looking for signs they were messing with me, but these people were just… Well… I drank a lot after that shift.)

    Weirdness In The Blood

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (We have a patient known for saying random, off the wall things. I had just scheduled a follow up appointment for him.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, the doctor would like you to have some bloodwork done two weeks prior to your next appointment.”

    (I hand him the lab slip and the patient stares blankly at me for a moment.)

    Patient: “What do they do with the leftover blood?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patient: “What do they do with the blood that they don’t use?”

    Me: “Um, I believe it’s discarded as they have no use for it…”

    Patient: “Do you think they would give it to me?”

    Me: “You want the leftover blood sample?”

    Patient: “Yes. It’s MY blood.”

    Me: “What would you do with it?”

    Patient: “I don’t know, but I want it!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

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