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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Bird Brained, Part 6

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Customer: “CACAAWW!”

    (Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5

    You’ll Just Have To Weight

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    Customer: “Could you add the tomato I sampled to the total price?”

    Me: “Do you mean you ate it?”

    Customer: “Yes, please add it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we charge tomatoes by the pound, so that would be kind of hard to do.”

    Customer: *thinks for a second* “Well, I weighed 157 pounds before I ate it…”

    Murder, She Wrote

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

    Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

    Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

    Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

    Customer: “Oh, well in the book I’m writing the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

    Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

    Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

    Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

    Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”

    Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [resort]. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

    Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

    (She gives me the information.)

    Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred in 2007, almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

    Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

    Me: “He wiped your memory?”

    Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

    Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

    Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”

    Talking Shirty

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hey, I need you to help me pick out something to wear.”

    Me: “Alright. Any special occasion?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got a date on Saturday. I’m taking my girl to [local amusement park].”

    Me: “Alright, so you’ll probably need shorts and a nice shirt. How about this?”

    Customer: “No, nicer than that.”

    Me: “It’s supposed to be really hot this weekend, so you’d need a shirt with a thin fabric. This is a very well-made shirt.”

    Customer: “If you say so, but I better get laid or I’ll be back Sunday and file a complaint.”

    (A female coworker walks past and the customer starts talking to her.)

    Customer: “Hey, would you sleep with me if I wore this?”

    Female coworker: “…”

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