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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Some Customers Deserve To Be Carted Off

    | New Haven, CT, USA | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping in a large supermarket. There is a young woman of Asian descent in a wheelchair, examining the ingredient list on some items. A middle-aged woman comes into the same aisle, stares blankly into space and then starts pushing the young woman’s wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *surprised as her wheelchair is pushed* “Excuse me?”

    Middle-aged Customer: *blankly* “What?

    (The young customer’s wheelchair grinds to a rubbery halt from the brakes.)

    Young Customer: “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Why are you in my shopping cart?! GET THE F*** OUT OF MY GROCERIES, YOU B****!”

    Young Customer: *on the verge of tears* “I-I’m sorry, but—”

    Middle-aged Customer: “What did you do to my groceries, you filthy thief?! You steal jobs from my country, and NOW you steal food?!”

    (The middle-aged customer struggles with the young customer for a few seconds. Suddenly, she shoves the young woman off of her wheelchair.)

    Young Customer: *screams*

    (Hearing the poor young customer’s screaming, a manager as well as a few other customers rush over to the aisle to help. Seeing this, the middle-aged customer freezes for a second and then tries to bolt with her “shopping cart”, but can’t push it due to the brakes. The manager takes one look at the girl on the floor, one look at the other woman’s wild expression, and then promptly tackles the woman to the ground as she tries to flee.)

    Middle-aged Customer: *hysterically* “Rape! Rape! Help! I’m being raped!”

    Manager: “Are you serious?!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *points to the young customer* “You should arrest her! She stole my job, and then she stole my groceries!”

    Manager: *fed up* “Well, I’m sure the police will be happy to hear about it!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *gets hauled off as the other customers applaud*

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

    Car Free And Care-Free

    | Norway | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m female and work at a smaller car rental business. I’ve had my fair share of bizarre customers, but this one takes the cake.)

    Caller: “Hello! I would like to rent a car!”

    Me: “Of course! We have many different cars. Got any idea of what size you need?”

    Caller: “No, just the smallest and cheapest car you have, for one day only.”

    Me: “Okay, then. The price is [price]. Remember to bring a credit card and a driver’s license when you come to pick it up.”

    Caller: “My own?”

    Me: “Um yes. Your own credit card and driver’s license.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have a license!”

    Me: “Well, if you lost it, you can swing by the nearest police station. They can print out a valid replacement.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you then. You need a license to drive a car in Norway.”

    Caller: “IT’S JUST A RENTAL CAR!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s still a car, and you drive it on roads. Therefore, you need training and a license.”

    Caller: “Are you making fun of me?! Are you stupid?! I want to talk to a man!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there are no men working here. There are just two girls here at work.”

    Caller: “This is an outrage! I know the law, and a rental car is not a real car! It’s like a bumper car! You know, like the ones in a theme park! You don’t need a license for that!”

    Me: “Um, what?!”

    Caller: “Yeah! I bet you didn’t know that! It’s okay, you’re a girl. I don’t expect girls to know things like that. I just need a car I can have some fun with. You know, drive around in circles and such.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But may I suggest [theme park]? They have bumper cars. You can even crash them into things.”

    Caller: “Seriously?”

    Me: “Yup. It’s way cheaper than renting a car.”

    Caller: “Thank you! I just love driving in circles!” *hangs up*

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

    | Askim, Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a supermarket. This particular day, an old lady who is a regular customer comes in. She’s just paid for her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t get home. You have to help me.”

    Me: “Sure, we can call you a taxi. That’s no problem.”

    Customer: “NO! Don’t call a taxi! It’s too expensive! I live on welfare!”

    Me: “Who else should we call?”

    Customer: “I live on welfare. I can’t afford a taxi! It’s too expensive!”

    Me: “Okay, is there anyone else we can call?”

    Customer: *ignores me* “Oh, how am I supposed to get home now?”

    (It’s only fifteen minutes before we close, so I talk to my colleagues about this, and we agree that the quickest and simplest solution is for me to drive her home in my own car. We get to the nursing home where she lives, and I help her bring the groceries to her room.)

    Me: “Okay, there we are. Take care now.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you very much for your help! That was very kind.”

    (This is the first time I’ve ever heard her say anything nice.)

    Me: *closing door*

    Customer: “YOU DRIVE LIKE A PIG!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2
    Driving Miss Crazy

    Things Every Employee Must Grow Accustomed To

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)

    Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”

    Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”

    Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”

    Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”

    Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”

    Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*

    (Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)

    Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”

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