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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Liza’s Pigment-less Revenge

    | Connecticut, USA | Bizarre

    (An elderly customer in her 90′s approaches the till with a cartload of items.)

    Customer: “So, have you heard about the albino?”

    (She says this several times. As this was around the time Bin Laden was killed, I presume this is who she is referring to when she says “the albino”.)

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Oh, it turns out he’s not dead. They shot him in the head and dumped him over the side, but he’s still alive, they say! He’s going to destroy the U.S. with his weather controlling lasers!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Oh, we’ve never had such bad weather as this. It must be those lasers of his. He wants to destroy us, you know.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *writing out a check* “My mother was Judy Garland, you know!”

    (At this point, the customer starts singing “Over The Rainbow”.)

    Customer: “I’m best friends with president Obama. Oh, my father was furious when I voted democrat. ‘You’re a republican!’ he yelled at me!” *leaves the store*

    Be Sure To Ask For Frickin Laser Beams

    | Lower Saxony, Germany | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I’m refilling a bunch of buckets with pet food when a customer approaches. He’s dressed entirely in black, has long hair, and an intimidatingly large beard. I have previously seen him staring at snakes for a while.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering, which pet would you recommend for an evil overlord?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, for the aspiring world dominator. I want something that looks evil and intimidating…something that can tear my enemies to shreds!”

    Me: “Uh…I’m sorry, sir, the most vile animals we have would be those kittens over there and I don’t think they’re quite big enough to kill someone.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “What about sharks?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. We don’t have the space for such a big aquarium in here.”

    Customer: “Well, d***. I don’t suppose you have lions or siberian tigers, then?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “D*** right you’re afraid! When I’m your master, I’ll come back with an army of battlehamsters and feed you to them!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “I’m looking forward to that.”

    (He leaves the shop, but only after buying three hamsters.)

    Worldly Spiritualism, Earthly Needs

    | Kansas, USA | Bizarre

    (I have been helping a 50-60 year old woman find a specific type of pen.)

    Customer: “You know why I came to this [store]? I came here because of your energy. I am your guardian angel.”

    Me: “Oh…um, okay.”

    Customer: “I sense great things from you. You are a fifth level Warrior goddess.”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “I’m serious! You are Cleopatra reincarnate. Prince Albert reincarnate. Queen Elizabeth, the good one. You have an amazing energy!”

    Me: “That’s pretty awesome.”

    Customer: “You are a warrior goddess! Since I am your guardian, I can give you guidance, is there anything you want to know?

    Me: “I’m really okay.”

    (She then takes her Native American style beaded necklace and puts it on my forehead.)

    Customer: “You are now blessed!”

    Me: “Thank you. Do you need anything else?”

    Customer: “Where are the padlocks?”

    Scented For An Electrifying Experience

    | Illinois, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you with something?

    Customer: “I need to speak with your supervisor.”

    Me: “Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Your restrooms smell like electricity!”

    Me: “I’ll…get a manager.”

    That’ll Be An Arm And A Never Mind

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer is complaining that we have cancelled her membership with us, even though she hasn’t paid for it for 6 months.)

    Customer: “This is getting ridiculous. I am going to take this to [local news station]. I’m disabled, and you’re discriminating against me because I am disabled.”

    Me: “I am not discriminating against you. The same rule applies to all members who fail to pay for their membership. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled and the only way to become a member again is to rejoin.”

    Customer: “If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to come down there to your head office, take off my prosthetic leg, and beat you with it! Good bye!”

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