• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Politeness To Customers Is A Good Rule Of Thumb

    | Tamworth, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m checking out a quiet, elderly customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be £11.25, please.”

    (The customer hands me a £20 note.)

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I turn for a few seconds to sort his change, and get his receipt.)

    Me: “Here’s your—”

    (The customer is waving his partially amputated thumb in my face.)

    Customer: “I lost that in the war you know! They gave me £30 for that! I bought my first bike with it!”

    Me: “Th-that’s lovely, sir. Here’s your receipt and change; have a nice day!”

    Questioning The Location Of The Question

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I got a question!”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

    Caller: “Back in the sixties, me and Burt would drive to ‘Trannah’ to get a corned beef sandwich. The guy would say ‘Pickle on the side?’ and we say ‘Yeah, pickle on the side!’. Now you wanna buy ten, y’uunastan’ but you could only afford one! We ain’t got no money, y’know? These days, y’wanna buy one, ’cause you can’t buy ten. It’ll make ya sick! You’ll throw up!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’ll happen. I hate to cut this story short, but what was your question?”

    Caller: *click*

    Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

    | Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

    Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

    (The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

    Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

    (As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

    Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

    Left A Stool In The Stall

    When Contact Information Is Not Contact Information

    | WA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good morning, this is [my name]!”

    Customer: “Yeah, your resolutions team never called me back. I was told you would call me in two business days, and it’s been almost a month!”

    Me: “Well, it looks like the resolution team closed out this issue due to lack of communication from the customer.”

    Customer: “They never tried to f****** call me! I’d know if they’d tried to call me!”

    Me: “I show that a resolution team agent called you on [date], [date], and [date]. Were you out of town maybe?”

    Customer: “Did they call [phone number]?”

    Me: “Yes, that is the number you provided for contact in the order.”

    Customer: “Well, we don’t answer the phone!”

    (There is a long silence.)

    Me: “I also show that the resolution agent attempted to contact you by email on [date].”

    Customer: “Did they send it to [email address]?”

    Me: “Yes, that is the contact email listed in the order.”

    Customer: “Oh, she doesn’t speak English, so she just deletes everything that’s not in Spanish.”

    Me: “So, how were we supposed to contact you since you didn’t provide us with any alternate contact information?”


    A Leftist Agenda

    | MA, USA | Bizarre

    (I am filling out a form to refill my medication. A fellow customer, here for a flu shot, sits down next to me. Note that I’m left-handed.)

    Customer: “Woah! How are you doing that with your left hand?”

    Me: “I’m left-handed.”

    Customer: “Don’t you people like, flip around letters?”

    Me: “No, can’t say I do. I think you’re thinking of dyslexia, which some left-handed people have.”

    Customer: “Huh…”

    (The customer notices that I’m writing with a gel pen.)

    Customer: “Wait… you people can’t use gel pens! How do you write with that?”

    Me: “Carefully.”

    Customer: “What would happen if you used your right hand? Would it, like, work?”

    Me: “Well, for most of us, no. My left hand is like your right hand, and my right hand is like your left hand. You could probably use your left hand if you had to, but it’s not ideal. The same goes for me with my right hand.”

    Customer: “That’s so weird! I’ve never seen anything like this!”

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