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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Welcome To Scoff-Fuss Depot

    | Westminster, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (A male customer comes in looking for the copiers to enlarge a photo. I assist him with his copies and then return to my register. The customer continues to browse the baskets by the register.)

    Customer: *holds up a flashlight* “What’s this?”

    Me: “That’s a flashlight, sir.”

    Customer: *holds up a packet of Post-its* “What’s this?”

    Me: “Those are Post-it flags. They have adhesive on the back of one end so you can use them to mark pages in books.”

    Customer: “Adhesive, huh? Sure…” *gives me a knowing smile*

    Me: *confused*

    Customer: *holds up some speakers* “So, what are these? Little TVs?”

    Me: “No, sir…those are speakers.”

    Customer: *looks slightly alarmed* “Speakers? For what?”

    Me: “For a computer, sir.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Computers! You know, I feel terrible for leaving here without a present for the grandkids, but EVERYTHING you sell these days is poison or dynamite! It’s not SAFE!” *storms out of the store*

    Please Don’t Cowell Back

    | Mansfield, OH, USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I’m working for a call center on a forced third shift night. It is on my third day of no sleep.)

    Me: *still upbeat and cheery* “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is [name]. I’m sorry but our systems are updating, but I’d be more then happy to answer any general questions or concerns that you may have.”

    Caller: *vindictively* “So, I got Mr. Ryan Seacrest on the phone now?!”

    Me: “My apologies, sir, but my name is—”

    Caller: “So, I have to talk to some little pansy **** **** who sounds like Moviefone to give me what I want?!”

    Me: “Sir, if you—”

    Caller: “So, I have to play with this Moviefone Directory to get what I want?!”

    (The caller starts to randomly press buttons on the phone while continuing to cuss up a storm.)

    Caller: “Are you still there Ryan Seacrest?! Did you hang up on me?!”

    Me: “No, I did not sir, I was just waiting for you to finish before I—”

    Caller: “Oh, so Mr. Seacrest has the nerves to talk to me?!”

    Me: “Sir, if you want access to an account, I must apologize but with the update running here in the facility we are not able to pull up any account info. If—”

    Caller: “I don’t need anything from Ryan Seacrest or Moviefone!”

    Me: “Sir, this is [company], not Moviefone.”

    Caller: “So, Mr. Seacrest thinks he’s so smart!”

    Me: “Sir, do you have an account with [company]?”

    Caller: “Who?”

    Me: “Due to policy, I have been instructed that I am allowed to end this call. Thank you and have a nice day.”

    Caller: “I’m not done degrading you!”

    Me: *click*

    Be Discrete On The Receipt

    , | Kansas, USA | Bizarre

    (I am ringing up a customer. Note that the receipts automatically print on credit transactions.)

    Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

    Customer: “No! How dare you! You better not give me receipt! I will be so pissed!”

    Me: “Oh, um, okay then!”

    (I finish ringing her up and the receipt prints automatically.)

    Customer: “Why did you print that?! I told you I didn’t want it! Do I need to slap you?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They print automatically when you use a credit card. You don’t have to take it or anything.”

    Customer: “I hate you young kids who think you know everything! You print receipts like it’s nothing!”

    Me: *not knowing what to say* “Well, have a great evening.”

    Customer: “How could I?! You printed the receipt!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 7

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am assembling coffees when I hear this conversation between a customer and the cashier. Note: our tap water is used to brew the coffee and is very clean.)

    Customer #1: “I would like a bottle of water.”

    Cashier: “Actually, we’re currently out of bottled water, but we can put ice in a cup and fill it with tap water. We won’t charge for it!”

    Customer #1: “How could you say such a thing?! Everyone knows that tap water has salmonella in it! You can’t expect me to give that to my children!”

    (The customer then storms off without buying anything. The next customer walks up, laughing.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll take a water with extra salmonella!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Matrix’R'Us

    | North Carolina, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer approaches the counter with two sets of toys that build alien robots.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Are you all set to check out?”

    Customer: “Look, I know that one of these robots is evil, and I need you to tell me which one it is. I ain’t bringin’ no evil into my grandson’s house!”

    Me: “Well, I can assure you, ma’am, that none of the toys we sell are ev—”

    Customer: “Look, I know you’re supposed to say that. But I know you know which one of these is evil, and you are gonna tell me right now before I leave this store!”

    Me: “Uh…just don’t buy the red one.”

    (She hands me the blue one and gives me a knowing nod of approval.)

    Customer: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell nobody you told me!”

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