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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Doll That Makes You Act Like A Baby

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a high-end doll store. We have two types of doll: dolls based off characters with books and stories, and more customizable, ‘look-alike’ dolls that girls can get to look like themselves. One of our character dolls is a very popular limited-edition doll, and has sold out a few weeks before Christmas.)

    Customer: “Hey! Where’s [limited edition doll]?”

    Me: “She’s actually sold out; I’m very sorry.”

    Customer: “Than I’ll order one! She’ll be here by Christmas, right?”

    Me: “She’s actually sold out company-wide; we don’t have any left in any of our stores or online. Since she’s limited edition, we won’t be getting in any more.”

    Customer: *tearing up* “But my granddaughter looks just like that doll!”

    Me: “Well, we do have another doll; she’s a look-alike doll and looks almost identical to [doll].”

    Customer: “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    Me: “This doll will look like your granddaughter, too! She has the exact same color and length hair, and the exact same color eyes, and the exact same skin tone as (doll).”

    Customer: *crying* “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    Me: “The only difference is the face shape.”

    (I show her the different face shapes, and how they compare.)

    Customer: “I don’t see the difference.”

    Me: “Exactly! And this doll comes wearing a different outfit than [doll].”

    Customer: “I don’t care about the outfit… but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

    (I finally convince her to go to the other department to at least LOOK at the other, nearly identical doll. The customer is sobbing ‘but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!’ the whole way.)

    Coworker: “Did you just make a grown woman cry over a doll?”

    Me: “Yep, first world problems.”

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing; only pretend ones do.”

    Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I wanted to know is it possible that I can disconnect this service from another account?”

    Me: *confused* “You’re trying to disconnect your account?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to disconnect someone else’s account, because their bills keep coming to my mailbox.”

    Me: “You’re trying to cut off someone else’s lights because their bills keep coming to you?”

    Customer: “Well… um… I probably shouldn’t do that, should I? I’ll just… take it to their door.” *click*

    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    Beauty Is In The Eyeglasses Of The Beholder

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (A customer approaches the counter with a soda just as I’m wiping my eyeglasses.)

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry? No what?”

    Customer: “No! You’ve got to put your glasses back on!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to wear them because I’m nearly blind.”

    (I slide my glasses back on.)

    Customer: “No, it’s just that you’re much too pretty without them. You’re better off if you keep them on.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yes, you have to keep them on or the men will be hitting on you in droves! You’ll have to have a stick to beat them off!”

    (I hold up my left hand and point to my promise ring.)

    Me: “No, this usually stops ’em cold.”

    Customer: “NO! The glasses are what stops them!”

    Me: “Okay… So, that’ll be $1.77, sir.”

    (The customer pays and returns to normal. However, as he walks out the door…)


    His Psychotic Two Cents

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (Two customers—who seems to be friends—are checking out a few small items. Customer #1 has already paid and is waiting while Customer #2 pays.)

    Cashier: “That’ll be $11.97.”

    Customer #1: “Ooh, you get pennies!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, I love pennies!” *suddenly very serious and angry* “Unless they’re Canadian! God help him if he gives me Canadian!”

    (Customer #2 is cheerful again, smiles at cashier as he gives her the three pennies.)

    Cashier: *nervously* “Have a nice day…?”

    Customer #2: *cheerful* “You too!”

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