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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Completely (Pea)Nuts

    | South Africa | Bizarre

    (I’m working in my office when I hear a loud voice outside. I go to check it out as sometimes interested clients can’t find the office easily. A middle-aged man wearing short shorts and knee high socks walks towards me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you? Are you interested in making a booking?”

    Customer: “No, I’m here to sell you a stuffed elephant’s head. I’ve visited this place before, so I thought of you at once.”

    Me: “Uh…thank you, but we don’t have a need for an elephant’s head.”

    Customer: “Yeah, fine. I will drop it off now; please pay cash!”

    Me: “Please don’t drop it off. We don’t want it. It would not match our decor.”

    Customer: “But there’s a lamp on top of it, and the trunk can be used as a fountain. Just buy it! I’m moving and I don’t have the space! I’ll drop it off now.”

    Me: “No, we don’t want it. Please try to sell it to someone else.”

    Customer: “Just buy it! I don’t have the space for it! I can’t believe this! Why would anyone not buy it? Fine! I’ll go somewhere else! I’m never booking here again!” *storms off*

    Dripping With Contradictions

    | Brisbane, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is there any coffee in a latte?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is. We put two shots of coffee in a tall latte.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. How about the cappuccino? Does that have coffee?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, there are two shots in the cappuccino as well.”

    Customer: “So, are you SURE there is coffee in a cappuccino? Because I really need coffee!”

    Me: “I can assure you there is coffee in it. I can even give you extra shots of coffee.”

    Customer: “So, there is coffee in it?”

    Me: “Yes, there is coffee in a cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want coffee! What kind of place is this?!”

    Me: “A…coffee shop?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Me: *completely confused*

    Social Insecurity, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am working a counter at a carry-out pizza place when this happens. Note: we use phone numbers to identify orders.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to order a pizza to take.”

    Me: “Okay, can I have your phone number please?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry for having to ask. It’s just what we use to make sure you get the right order.”

    Customer: “No! Hackers and the government are always trying to track me!”

    Me: “It’s fine, sir. I’ll just use our store’s phone number instead.”

    Customer: *calms down* “Alright.”

    (Satisfied, the customer pays and waits in his car for the order. Being nice, I carry it to him.)

    Me: “Here is your order, sir.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Say, can you throw this away for me?” *hands me papers mixed with trash*

    Me: “No problem…”

    (As he drives away, I notice he’s handed me expired car insurance papers and an old bank statement. So much for protecting his identity!)

    Related:
    Social Insecurity

    Aggress Unknown

    | Arizona, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in a well-known retail store chain. Since we are a smaller sized store, however, we can submit orders for products we offer from our company, but do not carry in store.)

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have that item in store, but I can order it for you. Would you like it sent directly to your house?”

    Customer:  ”Alright, that sounds fine.”

    (I proceed to process his order, then get to where I need to enter the customer’s shipping information.)

    Me: “Alright, and the address for the shipping information?”

    Customer: “NO.”

    Me: *confused* “Um…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I said ‘no!’ You should have a better way to do this. This is ridiculous. I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: “Sir, you do understand that if we are to ship to your home, we need to know where to ship the item to.”

    Customer: “I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: *trying another approach* “I did say that we can ship it to your home, but that means we can’t do that if we don’t have an address to ship it to.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my address. I can’t believe how poorly this store handles this kind of stuff! You know how many drug addicts are out there?!”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they’re all hopped up on coke and meth. A buddy of mine, a war vet, was just hit with a crowbar because one of these guys went to go break the window open, but it was already open, and threw the crowbar into him! Cut him up, he’s got a scar and had to get stitches! How dare you ask for my address? You’ll just steal my identity and rob my house!”

    Me: *speechless*

    It’s So Fluffy!

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at a hotel doing housekeeping, laundry, and generally other things that need help. As I’m exchanging a guest’s towels, her friend comes out and seems really frustrated.)

    Guest: “Um, do you guys actually wash the pillows here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can assure you that all the pillows in here are clean.”

    Guest: “Obviously they’re clean! But do you wash them?”

    Me:  ”Uh…yes, we do.”

    Guest:  ”I knew it! THAT’S WHY THE PILLOWS ARE TOO G** D*** FLUFFY!”

    Me:  ”I’m sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable. Sometimes guests that are more used to things from their house bring their own pillows.”

    Guest: “And why the h*** would I do that?! All you d*** people would just steal it and make it fluffy!”

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