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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Well-To-Do, If A Bit Daffy

    | USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Top

    (A well-dressed woman enters the store and hands me a note.)

    Customer: “Could you get this order ready for me, please? I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

    (I look at the note, but it’s blank.)

    Me: “There is nothing written on this note.”

    Customer: “Well, I decided to surprise myself today with my purchases.”

    Me: “Okay…that’s new, but I’ll see what I can do!”

    (Ten minutes later, she returns.)

    Customer: “So, what did I buy today?”

    Me: *hands her a bag* “Three pounds of bread crust to feed the ducks in the park. They are free of charge.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I was planning to go to the hairdresser, but this is…DUCKS, YOU SAY? Well, off to the park, then! Goodbye!”

    What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stranger

    | County Tyrone, Ireland | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am helping a customer choose clothes for her son while he tries them on in the changing room. She is on the older side of middle-aged and has a terrible cough.)

    Customer: *begins coughing and spluttering again*

    Me: “Ma’am, we have some seats over here if you’d like to sit down. Can I get you a drink of water?”

    Customer: “No, no. I am a fighter.”

    Me: “Um, are you sure you wouldn’t at least like to sit down?”

    Customer: “No! I have been in three business meetings today! I am a fighter!”

    (Please note that this is 2pm on a Sunday afternoon.)

    Me: “Okay, but if you need anything, just ask.”

    Customer: “Listen, you only live once. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! *grabs my hands* “I AM A FIGHTER! I WILL NOT DIE! I AM DESIGNING MY OWN CLOTHES AND WILL PUT [my store] OUT OF BUSINESS!”

    Beware The Old Prune That Prunes

    | Somerset, UKSomerset, UK | Bizarre

    (An elderly lady comes in and tells me she wants to look at flooring. As I’m under strict orders not to leave the tills, I direct her to the flooring while I get a coworker from that department. She walks away and comes back a few minutes later, and we begin to chat idly while waiting for help.)

    Customer: “What’s your name?”

    Me: *smiling and pointing at name tag* “Jasmine.”

    Customer: “Oh, I used to have some jasmines in my garden.”

    Me: “Oh that’s nice!”

    Customer: “I HATED IT! It grew like a weed. I had to chop it all down.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s not good.”

    Customer: “Now, you’d better get me someone RIGHT NOW, or I’ll chop YOU down!”

    Me: “Um, someone’s on their way.”

    (A few minutes later, the coworker who went to talk to her comes up to me to borrow a tape measure for her. I tell him what she said to me.)

    Me: *to coworker* “She said she wants to chop me down like she did her jasmine plants!”

    Coworker: “You know, that’s really weird…when I first went up to her, she said ‘I’m so glad you’re here. I was going to smack her in the face in a minute!’”

    (Finally, as the customer is about to leave, she comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Well, I’m glad you got your coworker. He was very good.”

    Me: “I’m very pleased about that!”

    Customer: *menacingly* “I’ll let you live…this time.”

    Choose Your Own Misadventures

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bizarre

    (A woman walks up to the register with four pages out of four different books: a Grisham, a Kinsella, a King and a Straub.)

    Me: “Did you find these pages loose?”

    Customer: “No, I ripped them out. I want to buy them for 10 cents per page. Is that okay?”

    Me: *shocked* “Um, no!”

    Customer: *turns and leaves the store*

    Un-bare-ably Competitive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

    Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

    Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

    (He orders and I begin preparing it.)

    Customer: “So, how is that job?”

    Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

    Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

    Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

    (The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

    Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

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