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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    There’s No Business Like My Business

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work at a well-known retail pharmacy. One night while I’m still new on the job, I’m manning one of the cash registers.)

    Woman: “Hi, where is your baking soda?”

    Me: “Um, I can’t guarantee that we have baking soda, but if we do, it would be in Aisle 3.”

    Woman: *goes off to look for it*

    (15 minutes later, the customer comes through my line with her baking soda.)

    Me: “Oh, I see you found it! I’m glad we carry it.”

    Woman: “If you hadn’t, I would have been very frustrated, and I would never have come here again!”

    (I think she’s joking and laugh a bit.)

    Me: “Well, I’m certainly glad you found it!”

    Woman: *completely serious* “I did that to [other retail store] when they didn’t have lettuce, and they went out of business within a week!”

    Me: *pause* “Um… I’m REALLY glad you found the baking soda, then.”

    For Bitter Or Worse

    , | Montana, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I have been working at the same fast food restaurant since high school. That was a little over four years ago, so a lot of the regulars know me pretty well. I’m also usually mistaken for being much younger than I actually am, especially when I have my hair pulled up. I am also a recent newlywed, and my wedding band doesn’t look like the typical wedding band.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant]. What can I get you?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh, that is a pretty ring!”

    (The customer points to my wedding band, which is silver with a gold Celtic Claddagh in the center.)

    Regular Customer: “Who got that for you?

    Me: “Oh, it is my wedding band. My husband got it for me.”

    Regular Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “…Ma’am?”

    Regular Customer: *starts yelling* “You are FAR to young to get married! This is insane! I need to speak to your manager!”

    (At this point, I don’t know what to do, so I go get one of supervisors.)

    Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Regular Customer: “Did you know that this young woman is married? She is too young to get married! Was she forced? How can you allow something like this to happen to one of your coworkers?”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, how old do you think she is?”

    Regular Customer: “She can’t be more than seventeen… Oh, I know!” *to me* “You are pregnant, aren’t you?”

    Me: *completely shocked* “No, ma’am, I’m not pregnant. And I’m not seventeen. I’m 21.”

    Regular Customer: “No, you aren’t, I’ve been coming here for years. You are seventeen, and you are probably pregnant which is why you were forced into marriage.” *to my supervisor* “What is this world coming to these days?!”

    Me: “Here ma’am, take a look at my ID.”

    (The customer looks at my ID, which clearly shows that I am 21.)

    Regular Customer: *frustrated* “Well, you’re still young to be married. It must have been a shotgun wedding!”

    Ah, Grandmothers, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer in this story and am with my grandmother. The cashier is an older woman in her mid- to late-60s.)

    Cashier: “Well dearie, I think we’ve finished the returns. So, we can start on your purchases.” *starts scanning items*

    Me: “Thanks. It took me a while to find these bargains.”

    Cashier: “Well, I can tell by your savings now that you’ve done pretty well!”

    (Without warning, another customer pushes past me and my grandmother and starts trying to take my items.)

    Cashier: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, ma’am. These do not belong to you. These belong to these ladies here.”

    Other Customer: “RACISM! I knew this store was racist! Trying to take MY ITEMS and give them to this WHITE TRASH HERE!”

    (Note: the other customer is also white. My poor grandmother is bewildered and doesn’t know what to say or do. The cashier is on the verge of tears and calls security.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but those items are indeed mine. I spent almost two hours here with my grandmother trying to find them. If you want, I can tell you where I found them.”

    Other Customer: “LIES! You stole them from me! B***h, you are gonna get SUED!”

    (At this moment, security shows up.)

    Security: *to the other customer* “Oh, no she isn’t. Lady, we have to talk with you.”

    Other Customer: “About time! Take this trailer trash outta the store! Stealing my things! It’s a crime. I’ll sue you and your store and this b**** for thievery!”

    Security: “Lady, we have security cameras in the store. We checked them and discovered you have been the one stealing. So, you’re going to have to come with us.”

    Other Customer: “LIKE H*** I AM!” *runs out of the store with security chasing her*

    Cashier: *to me grandmother and I* “I am so sorry. Would you like store credit or something?”

    (My grandmother and I talk and decide not to take it because it wasn’t the store’s fault. Instead, I pay for my items and we leave. On our way out, we see the other customer is being questioned by police.)

    My Grandmother: *to the other customer* “B****! You got what you deserved. Karma got you back, fool!”

    Related:
    Ah, Grandmothers
    Ah, Mothers
    Ah, Fathers
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    Are We Human, Or Are We Answers

    | Germany | Bizarre

    (I’m an online chat agent for a phone company. I help customers choose and order cell phones and plans through online chat.)

    Customer: “Do you carry [mobile broadband plan]?”

    Me: “Yes, we do! Would you like me to help you choose the right plan for you?”

    Customer: “No. You’re automatic s***! I wanted to talk to an actual employee! No way I’m ever using [company] again.”

    Me: “I assure you I’m in fact human. Now, do you want to continue?”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you. Who’s our finance minister?”

    (I tell her the name of Germany’s finance minister.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, then. I just assumed because you were typing so neatly! Yeah, let’s keep going.”

    (I help her figure out what’s the perfect internet plan for her needs. I make sure to do some small talk and deliberately add a typo here or there.)

    Customer: “Thanks, that was really helpful! I’ll go buy it at the store, then.”

    (I’m bummed because I have spent a lot of time helping her and I was looking forward to my commission. I won’t get this commission if she orders through the store.)

    Me: “You’re welcome, but I could give you 25€ off if you order with me. It’s a matter of five minutes, tops.”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I want to buy from an actual person, not a computer. Bye!” *hangs up*

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