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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Don’t Know What Game He Is Trying To Play

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A short line forms at my checkout counter, and the first customer in line is a confused-looking man. He’s pretty out of it, but he seems friendly enough. He sets down a few items, and while I add up the purchases he browses the cigarettes, lotto, and scratch-off tickets kept behind the counter.)

    Customer: “What are the cheapest cigarettes you have?”

    Me: “That would be [brand]. What flavor would you like?”

    Customer: “What are the flavors?”

    (I list the flavors and he chooses one. Thinking he’s finished, I ring up the cigarettes too, and give him his total. He pauses in thought.)

    Customer: “Actually, can I get the menthol instead?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. No problem.”

    (I switch the cigarettes. Luckily they are the same price.)

    Me: “Will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “One lottery please.”

    Me: “Okay, what game do you want to play?”

    Customer: “What games are there?”

    (I list the games and how much they cost.)

    Customer: “One [game].”

    (I print the ticket and ring it up. He takes a long pause.)

    Customer: “And a [different game].”

    (I print ticket and ring it up. Pause.)

    Customer: “And [third game].”

    (The line behind him has grown by a couple people. By this point I’m a little irked by his random impulsive decisions and sluggish pace, but I follow his requests with a smile. He then notices the scratch-off ticket display.)

    Customer: “What games are these?”

    Me: *sighs*

    (I go over the games and costs and he proceeds to pick them one at a time, despite my asking if there’s multiple things I can get him at once. The whole transaction has gone on for longer than five minutes now. Once he’s done, he drops a wad of crumpled up cash and loose change on my counter. I count out what he owes while he stares blankly. As I finish counting his change, I’m about to finally cash out the transaction.)

    Customer: “Can I have another [scratch-off game]?”

    Me: “Will that be it, sir? Is there anything else you want right now?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I silently fume, but add the ticket and take the additional money for it. He stares at the change left in front of him.)

    Customer: “Do I need more money?”

    Me: “NO! You are all paid for! You are good to go. All set.”

    (He gathers his pile of goods, tickets and change and leaves. Finally, the clearly annoyed customers still in line move forward.)

    Next Customer: “Well, that must have been frustrating.”

    Me: “Tell me about it.”

    (I ring up the next customer quickly and easily and he leaves. Five seconds later, he comes back in.)

    Next Customer: “He’s pissing on your sidewalk.”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (Lo and behold, only about 20 feet outside the door, the first customer has his fly open and is urinating on the side of the sidewalk, in broad daylight.)

    Me: “HEY YOU, STOP IT!”

    (The customer looks up, stops and zips up his fly. He then begins to walk back towards me and the store.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t know you couldn’t. I didn’t know.”

    (As a gesture of peace, he offers me his hand that had been previously occupied only few seconds before.)

    Me: “JUST GO!”

    Past The Night’s Watch

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (To prevent anyone from sneaking into the park, the area is surrounded by an 8-10 foot high wall. I’m working at the season-pass entrance, when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Uh… a few teenagers just jumped the wall.”

    (I stare blankly at her, as in my entire time I’ve worked at the park I’ve never heard of anyone getting over that wall.)

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The wall. I saw three people climb over the wall: two guys and a girl in their early twenties.”

    Me: “Uh, thank you for telling me. I’ll scan your pass and inform security once you’re through.”

    Customer: “Hey, what’s behind that wall anyways?”

    (I think for a moment, before I remember that the Employee Area has a small gate that leads into a small grassy area behind the wall. If anyone jumped the wall, they would have no possible way to go but through that gate, essentially right into a congregation of 10-20 employees on their break and security’s lap.)

    Me: “Oh my god! It’s the employee patio!”

    (Sure enough, two security guards escort two guys and a girl in their twenties out of my entrance. The guys look giddy, like the whole thing is a joke, while the girl is holding her hand to her forehead, attempting to hide her face. One of the guys grins at me.)

    Guy One: “I’m sorry we tried.”

    Guy Two: “I’m not!”

    Girl: “Shut up both of you!”

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Geography

    (I work in a little bakery. It’s been a quiet evening when a customer’s car comes speeding in to a parking spot outside the front door. She gets out of her car with her cell phone in her out-stretched arm. She looks utterly confused as she enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi there!”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi.”

    (The customer spins in a slow circle and looks around.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *looks at her phone* “Yeah, I’m looking for [address of location].”

    Me: “You found it!”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying this is [coffee shop]. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. It used to be over two years ago, but they closed down and we moved in.”

    Customer: “NO! My phone is saying that this is the location of the coffee shop. Where is it!?”

    Me: “They closed over two years ago—”

    Customer: “NO! Phones are not wrong. This is supposed to be [coffee shop]!”

    Me: *looks around the bakery, than back to the customer* “Nope, this is [bakery]. Sorry to disappoint you.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry; I’m just not understanding.”

    (I have no idea how much more clearly I can let this customer know that the coffee shop closed down and she is standing in a bakery.)

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is [bakery]. There is another coffee shop down the road though.”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll go down the street. But you’re sure there isn’t a coffee shop here?”

    Me: “One thousand percent sure. Have a wonderful evening.”

    (I watch her leave the store. She sits in her car for 10 minutes playing with her phone. I see violent movements coming from the car, so I call my coworker to the front. We watch while she violently shakes her phone and yells. I hope she finds that coffee shop and gets a decaf!)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    No Common Scents, Part 3

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Bizarre, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

    Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

    Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

    Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…Not a problem.”

    No Common Scents, Part 2
    No Common Scents

    Of Mama Bears And Magic Hairs

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am working as a cashier. A very tall and slender man, in his late 20s, wearing all black, with shoulder length black hair, facial piercings, and white and black face make up, and his nails painted black comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything? Or is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: *in a very quiet low voice* “Um… yeah. I was wondering if you can hold this for a little while. Mama bear is done shopping over at [grocery store], and I need to go get her.”

    Me: “Sure, if you just want to leave it here, I can put it under my till or you can take it to customer service.”

    Customer: “I will leave it here.”

    (The customer walks away. After about 15 minutes, he comes back to my till.)

    Customer: “Hi, mama bear wasn’t finished, so I need to know if you can hold my stuff a while longer.”

    Me: “Sure thing, that won’t be a problem.”

    (He then proceeds to reach out a touch my hair.)

    Customer: “I feel the energy of your hair. It wants you to know, it loves you.”

    Me: “…”

    (Once again he walks out the door. After another hour he comes back in with an older lady, in her 80s with a cane.)

    Customer: “See Oma, this is who I was telling you about. Do you feel that energy?”

    Old Lady: “Yes, she feels very light, like clouds.”

    Me: “Are you ready to pay?”

    Old Lady: “In a minute, dear.”

    (This is when a middle aged lady, maybe 50, walks in grabs their hands and starts leading them toward the door without purchasing their items.)

    Customer: “But mama bear, the hair!”

    Coworker: “That was odd.”

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