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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    That’s One Vote For President Paranoia

    | Finland | Bizarre, Politics

    (I work as an election official at an early voting polling station in Finland. Early voting slips have to be sent to the voters’ own electoral districts before counting them. This means they are enclosed first into one envelope to ensure anonymity, which is then enclosed into yet another envelope with the address of the voter’s district on it. I am processing a lady voter’s slip.)

    Me: “Okay. Now that everything is stamped and signed, we just have to enclose your voting slip into these two envelopes, and then we’ll be good as done.”

    Voter: “What?! You can’t talk about the candidates here. This is supposed to be a neutral situation!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Voter: “Don’t you know that it’s illegal to try to influence voters at the polling station? How can you not know that if you work here?”

    Me: *confused*

    Voter: “This is just unprofessional, you talking about the candidates’ numbers. I demand you discuss this with your coworkers at the end of the day!”

    (The voter leaves, looking quite appalled. We did discuss the episode at the end of the day and onto the next day. The only conclusion we can arrive at is that the phrase “two envelopes” is clearly propaganda for candidate number 2!)

    Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

    Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

    Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

    Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

    Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

    Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, The Golden Years

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre

    (An older gentleman is standing at the register looking directly at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Older customer: “Do I look like I need help? No! Oh, boo hoo, I’m a poor little boy who needs help!” *blows his tongue at me and leaves*

    Me: “What just happened to me?”

    The Truth Is Waaay Out There

    | Southern Missouri, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

    Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”

    Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”

    (I decide to remain silent while she continues.)

    Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

    Hashpocalypse Now

    , | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

    Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I type in the total and show it to him.)

    Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

    Me: “That’s how much it is.”

    Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

    (I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

    Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

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