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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “I need help, anyone!”

    Me: *rushing over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “That TV is showing bad things!”

    (The TV in question is playing movie trailers on loop.)

    Me: “Which trailer did you find offensive?”

    Customer: “The one with the girl that is saying the girl is perfect! Nobody’s perfect!”

    (At that moment, a trailer for a new Barbie movie comes on.)

    Customer: *screaming* “That’s the bad movie!”

    Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

    | Northern California, USA | Bizarre

    (A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

    Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

    Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

    The Avocado Monologues

    | Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)

    Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”

    (The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)

    Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”

    Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind, Part 2

    | Kamloops, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    (A man calls me asking about his balance. The call starts out normal enough. In order get inform on account we need to get ID.)

    Me: “Okay, in order to help you, I need your full name and the last four digits of your social security number.”

    Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “Sir, if you want this information, I need to get your information.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my info!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “You’re just going to give it to your alien overlords!!!”

    Me: “Well, sir, we already have your information here. We just need you to provide it so that we can verify–”

    Customer: *screams and hangs up*

    Related:
    Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind

    A Gay A Day Keeps The Terror Away

    | Illinois, USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I’m a bank teller. I have just politely told a customer I could not cash his friend’s check without his friend present.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Why would I lie? This is a good check.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I can only give the money to the person whose name is on the check. It’s nothing personal. It’s just a bank regulation to protect against fraud.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it. All this 9/11 crap, huh?”

    Me: “Ha, yeah.”

    Customer: “You know, people say that those terrorists want to kill Americans because we have gay people here, but that’s not true.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we should be blaming heterosexual people. They’re the ones giving birth to those d*** terrorists!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Well, have a good day. Try to become a lesbian…for America’s sake!”


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