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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

    | Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

    Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

    Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

    Me: “This? No, not really—”

    Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

    (I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

    Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

    Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

    Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

    Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

    Lost & Found Gets Tossed Around

    | NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I am the office manager at a nice apartment building. It is a secure building that requires anyone entering to use a key code. We’re located in a safe town, and have never had a single incident of theft or other criminal activity. A resident approaches my desk.)

    Resident: “Have you seen my sweater? I think I left in down here a couple hours ago!”

    Me: “No one turned one in to me. Have you checked the Lost & Found box around the corner?”

    Resident: “Lost & Found box? You mean you leave lost items just out in the open like that?!”

    Me: “Yes, we put the ‘found’ items in a single location so people are not running all around looking for them.”

    Resident: “That is atrocious! Anyone could walk in off the street and steal from the box!”

    Me: “This building is locked, ma’am. The only people who have access to this area have a key code, like yourself.”

    Resident: “But someone like me could steal them! I could go to that box and steal everything in there if I wanted to!”

    (To illustrate her point, the resident runs around the corner, grabs the Lost & Found box, and drags it over to my desk.)

    Resident: *flings items out of the box* “I’m going to steal this, and this, and all of these! THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE MINE!”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? I’m going to have to ask you not to take items that don’t belong to you.”

    Resident: “YOU DON’T KNOW THEY’RE NOT MINE!”

    (Suddenly, she spots the sweater she was looking for to begin with, and totally calms down.)

    Resident: “Oh. My sweater! Oh my God! Thank you so much for helping me find it!”

    (She grabs her sweater and happily skips off, leaving the box and all its items sprawled out over the floor.)

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…you’re welcome?”

    Sour On Devouring Flowers

    | Northern California, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working at a stall selling flowers in a popular farmer’s market. We have a large sign reading “EDIBLE FLOWERS!” to sell nasturtiums and organic, pesticide-free roses. A customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Edible flowers? Are they made of sugar or something?”

    Me: “No, sir! These are organically-grown flowers that are entirely edible. They’re usually used to add color to salads or as a garnish.”

    Customer: “Like what?”

    Me: “Well, these rose petals add color and a romantic flair to a dish, but they don’t have much flavor, rather like celery. Personally, I like the nasturtiums. They’re rather peppery and tasty. Would you like to try one?”

    Customer: “You’re just putting me on, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Not at all! Here, see?”

    (I pick up one of the loose nasturtiums off the counter, pluck a petal off and eat it.)

    Customer: “All right, I’ll try it.”

    (I pluck another petal off the same flower and hand it to him. He puts it in his mouth and I see a pleasantly surprised expression spread across his face. I grin, happy to see he’s enjoying it.)

    Customer: “HEY! Why’re you laughing at me?!”

    Me: “Huh? I’m not laughing, I was smiling since you seem to be—”

    Customer: “YOU TRICKED ME! I bet these aren’t edible at all! I’m gonna sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, you just watched me eat part of the same flower—”

    Customer: “You grow ‘em! I bet you’ve developed an immunity and stuff! You tried to poison me, and now you’re laughing at me! I’m gonna sue you and then I’LL be the one laughing!” *storms off*

    It’s A Face Off

    | Virginia, USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I greet a customer cheerfully as she enters the shop. After browsing briefly, she gives me a suspicious look and then leaves the store. A few moments later, she returns with my boss.)

    Customer: “HER! That is the WORST example of customer service I have ever experienced in this town!”

    Boss: *to me* “Could you explain what happened a minute ago?”

    Me: “I…I don’t understand. I said, ‘Hi, how are you today?’ and she left pretty much after that.”

    Customer: “Look at you now, tearing up in front of the boss! Well, missy, let me tell you…” *to my boss* “LOOK! She’s scowling again, behind your back! That is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!”

    (I’m not sure what she’s referring to, but I have naturally fair blonde hair which is dyed a darker shade. I line my brows a shade to match, and they have a dramatic natural arch.)

    Boss: “Ma’am? I think that’s just her face. She isn’t trying to offend.”

    Customer: “You think you’re so smart, missy? Well, one day, someone is going to call you out on your games! THEY’LL WIPE THAT SMUG LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!”

    Me: *I wipe my brow liner off and give her a blank look*

    Customer: *makes a choked noise, then quickly exits*

    Welcome To Scoff-Fuss Depot

    | Westminster, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (A male customer comes in looking for the copiers to enlarge a photo. I assist him with his copies and then return to my register. The customer continues to browse the baskets by the register.)

    Customer: *holds up a flashlight* “What’s this?”

    Me: “That’s a flashlight, sir.”

    Customer: *holds up a packet of Post-its* “What’s this?”

    Me: “Those are Post-it flags. They have adhesive on the back of one end so you can use them to mark pages in books.”

    Customer: “Adhesive, huh? Sure…” *gives me a knowing smile*

    Me: *confused*

    Customer: *holds up some speakers* “So, what are these? Little TVs?”

    Me: “No, sir…those are speakers.”

    Customer: *looks slightly alarmed* “Speakers? For what?”

    Me: “For a computer, sir.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Computers! You know, I feel terrible for leaving here without a present for the grandkids, but EVERYTHING you sell these days is poison or dynamite! It’s not SAFE!” *storms out of the store*

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