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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Doing A Disservice To Service With A Smile

    | UK | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in a call center that directs calls to local benefits offices. It’s a dull job, but I try to keep positive when I greet people on the phone.)

    Me: “Good morning, [Job Center] national switchboard, [Name] speaking; how can I help?”

    Caller: “You sound very happy.”

    Me: “Well, yes, it’s a nice day today! How can I help?”

    Caller: “No one at [Job Center] is happy. You can’t be at [Job Center]! You must be a scam!”

    (The caller hangs up.)

    Me: “…what just happened?”

    The Answer Came From The Gut

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Was everything all right? Did everyone enjoy their meals?”

    Customer: “The food was excellent. My digestive system is dutifully converting it into feces even as we speak!”

    Me: “That’s… super.”

    Common Sense Abhors A Vacuum

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Language & Words

    Customer: *whispering* “Faaaaaaahkew…”

    (I am slightly ticked off by this. I didn’t say or do anything to the customer for him to say ‘F*** you’ unprovoked.)

    Me: “What!? Say that again?!”

    Customer: *whispering* “Vhaaaaaaaaaakeeew…”

    Me: “Wait, are you asking where the vacuum cleaners are?”

    Customer: *nods*

    Me: “Right this way.”

    (Sometimes, you have to be patient with customers.)

    One Ring To Scare Them All

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Bizarre

    (I am working in a gift shop full of customers, mostly teenagers on field trips and their chaperones. I notice four boys as they walk in, and I greet them. They do not respond. A few minutes later, I begin adjusting some misplaced personalized rings.)

    Boy #1: *pointing to a ring I am adjusting* “AAAHHH!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Boy #1: *points again* “AAAAHHHH!”

    Boy #2: “AAAAAAHHHH!”

    Me: “Alright, how may I help you? Is there something I can get for you?”

    All Four Boys: “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

    Me: “Uh, okay…I can call somebody to help you.”

    (The four boys stare at me, then slink away towards the door, almost without a word.)

    Boy #3: “AAAAAHHH!” *all four exit*

    (Several minutes later, all of the customers have left my shop and I begin adjusting the rings and key-chains again. I hear a voice behind me.)

    Boy #4: “Uh, excuse me?”

    Me: *turning around* “Yes?”

    Boy #4: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if—AAAAAHHH!” *bolts from the store*

    The Little Mermaid Student

    | New Zealand | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a swimming teacher for mainly children under five. It is after the final lesson of the day. I am standing chatting to the parents. A young girl I have just been teaching walks up to me.)

    Young Girl: “Excuse me. What are you doing?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Young Girl: “Why aren’t you in the pool?”

    Me: “I don’t have anyone else to teach today. You were my last class.”

    Young Girl: “But I thought you lived in the pool. Aren’t you a mermaid, miss?”

    (I have to fight back the laughter as this little girl is completely serious, and is horrified to learn I don’t live in the pool! It’s things like this that make my job worthwhile.)

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