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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Makes Perfect (Non)sense

    | Missouri, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at a mail order pharmacy at the receptionist desk. This call comes into the switchboard.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling pharmacy. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “I wanna talk to [name].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no one here by that name. Are you a customer of ours?”

    Caller: “I need to speak with [different name] because Barack Obama sent some men to try and kill me!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, are you a patient? Do you need medication from us?”

    Caller: “No, [different name] stole my rent money and Barack Obama is working with OJ Simpson, who’s in prison, and they are sending some men after me to kill me! Obama apologized to me publicly, but he didn’t mean it! Now he’s trying to send OJ Simpson to kill me!”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson Would Be Proud

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre

    Patron: “Do you have any books about division?”

    Me: “Sure, we have lots of books about arithmetic. One of them is bound to have what you’re looking for.”

    Patron: “Good. The radio frequencies around my house interfere with my calculator, so I have to learn math again.”

    Me: “Let me just show you those books.”

    What Happens In Vegas, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Bizarre

    (A male customer in his late twenties, who I recognize as one of our regulars, enters the store flamboyantly. He is usually a very high-energy person, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.)

    Me: “What’s up, [customer]?”

    (He walks up to the counter and slams a huge wad of American money down in front of me.)

    Customer: “Guess how much is there. If you guess right, you can have it.”

    Me: “Uh…$3500?”

    Customer: “Nope! It was $2500! You were close though!”

    (All of the sudden, I smell the distinct scent of weed. I realize he’s totally high.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “So, what are you doing with all that money?”

    Customer: “I’m going to Vegas, baby! Also, I need to pick up that fax you got for me.”

    (I retrieve the fax. As I’m doing so, an elderly woman walks into the store. My manager comes out to help her at the other end of the counter.)

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I have to leave now. I need to get all the way to the airport!”

    Me: “All right, then. Have a good time in Vegas.”

    (He walks out, then comes back in a second later as he’s forgotten his car keys on the counter. As he’s leaving again, he stops in front of the door and turns back to face us.)

    Customer: “Woo! I’m going to get herpes!”

    Related:
    What Happens In Vegas

    What Possessed You To Do That

    | North Shore, MA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Religion, Top

    (This happens while I am working at a Christian book store that also sells other “Christian” items. This particular incident involves a customer’s dissatisfaction with a child’s toy called the “Armor of God”, which includes a sword, a shield, and armor.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hello, I would like a refund for a toy I bought my son last week called the ‘Armor of God’.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Can I please have the order number?”

    Caller: “Yes, the order number is ########.”

    Me: “Now, was the item defective or damaged in any way, or are you simply dissatisfied with the product?”

    Caller: “The toy is possessed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “The moment my son put on the armor he started screaming and running around attacking everything with the sword. The toy is possessed and I want a full refund. Frankly I’m shocked that a store advertising Christian products would sell something like this!”

    Me: “Okay, well, if you box up the items, I can send you a return shipping label. When the toy arrives at our warehouse you will receive a full refund.”

    Caller: “You want it back?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund unless the item is returned.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

    Me: “Has the toy been damaged in some way?”

    Caller: “No, I buried it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “It was possessed by a demon, so I buried it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but if that’s the case, I’m afraid I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, you buried the toy in the ground. You’re refusing to return it and the toy is ruined anyway. Per company policy, I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? First, you sell me a possessed toy, putting my family in danger, and now you refuse to give me my money back? I demand to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am, but first have you considered that possibly the toy isn’t possessed and that your son was just play fighting?”

    Caller: “How dare you! Do you think I don’t know the difference? Do you think I’m lying? My son has never acted this way before. The toy is possessed and I am owed a refund. I demand to speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

    Me: “Let me place you on hold while I transfer you to my supervisor…”

    How Berry Rude Of You

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m straightening things in the store and I have just finished an aisle. As I walk into the next aisle, which contains candles, I see a customer looking at the candles. He looks very angry and makes a strange face when he sees me walking towards him.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You don’t have mulberry. That’s rude!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You should be!” *stomps out of the aisle*


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