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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Blowing Things Out (And Up) Of Proportion

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (When I was in 7th grade, I volunteered at a local library. My main job was to gather books for pull lists. One day when I’m checking in some books and filling out sending forms, a man and his daughter walk up to my computer. Note: the scanner I am using beeps every time I scan a book.)

    Daughter: “Why is it making that beeping sound, Daddy?”

    Father: “I don’t know. Maybe she’s checking them in.”

    Daughter: “Really?”

    Father: “No. I think she’s going to steal them.”

    (I look up, confused, and I’m about to interject when the father walks over to the head librarian’s door.)

    Me: “Um, sir?”

    Father: “Quiet, thief!” *knocks on the librarians door*

    Head Librarian: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Father: “That girl over there, who is clearly not authorized to run those machines, was stealing your books!”

    Me: “I was checking them out to put them into the send boxes.”

    Father: “No! I clearly saw you stuff books into your pockets!”

    Coworker: “Sir, she doesn’t have any pockets.”

    Father: “I meant down her shirt!”

    (Note: I am wearing a tight fitting shirt. If so much as a piece of paper had been under my shirt, it would have been very visible. Needless to say, there are clearly no books under my shirt.)

    Father: “Fine! If you don’t believe me, I’m calling the cops!”

    Head Librarian: “Sir, she was not stealing books! Please do not call the police!”

    (The father ignores the head librarian and proceeds to dial the police anyway. The operator on the other end of the phone is speaking loud enough for us to hear.)

    Father: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a girl stealing books at the ***** Library.”

    Operator: “Sir, are you a member of the library staff?”

    Father: “No, but I saw it happen!”

    Operator: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Father: “…and she planted a bomb!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Operator: *sighs audibly* “Right. We’ll send a bomb squad…”

    (Five minutes later, there is indeed a bomb squad outside the library doors. They end up having to clear out the library, search me, and go through the entire library with bomb-dogs.)

    Daughter: *to her father* “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”

    (When the police heard that, they arrested the father. I got a week off.)

    This Happens With Alarming Regularity

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *eats receipt*

    Me: *stares, speechless*

    Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”

    Don’t Make A Dare With The Hair

    | Great Falls, MT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our sandwich shop. Instead of ordering at the counter, he sits down and spends 15 minutes staring at us from the table. However, he ignores all of our attempts to talk to him. Finally, he storms up to the register where I am and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “When the f*** is one of your waiters going to take my f***ing order? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters. You have to come up to the register to take your order. I’ll be happy to take your order for you, and we’ll probably have it ready before you finish paying.”

    Customer: “No, my friend told me this is a classy joint! Classy joints have waiters! Now get a f***ing waiter out here or I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters, and if you insist on swearing at me I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Make me f***er! Come at me, bro! You’re just a f***** with girl hair!”

    (Note: I am a man with shaggy hair.)

    Me: “Sir, please leave.”

    Customer: “Suck my ****!”

    (Fed up, my manager intervenes.)

    Manager: “I’m calling the cops, so you can tell them to suck your **** all you like if you’re still here when they get here.”

    Customer: *points at me* “Send this little f***** outside! I’ll be in the alley!”

    (The customer storms out through the back door, which is for employees only. As my manager starts to dial the cops, he turns to me.)

    Manager: *conspiratorially* “Hey, if you wanna take a break out in the alley, that’s cool.”

    Me: “Excellent!”

    (I go out the back door and find the belligerent customer still there.)

    Customer: *sees me and freezes in place*

    Me: *jumps over the rail separating us*

    Customer: *takes off running*

    (Instead of giving chase, I returned to the store. The police called a few minutes later telling us they had him in custody.)

    The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

    (Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

    Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

    Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

    Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

    Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

    Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

    Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

    Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

    (Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

    Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

    Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

    (The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

    Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

    (Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)

    Saving The Duke From The Puke

    | West Jefferson, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

    Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

    Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

    Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

    Customer:  ”I don’t appreciate your tone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

    (I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

    Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

    Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

    (Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

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