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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    We Apologize For The Convenience

    , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (It is Thanksgiving Day. I am calling a customer who left a message that he wants to ‘complain.’)

    Customer: “I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s a holiday.”

    Me: “Actually, we’re not closed. In fact, you and I are talking on the phone, right now.”

    Customer: “I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open.”

    Me: “Except that we ARE OPEN.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “Just to make sure I understand: You’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed, in order to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realized that we’re open, the exact thing you wanted, you’d like to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Was there a technical problem that you needed help with in the first place?”

    Customer: “No! I only called to complain.”

    Me: *bangs head on desk*

    Customer: “Well, I think I at least deserve an apology!”

    Me: “I’m, uh… very sorry that we could not inconvenience you today.”

    Must Be On A Naughty Diet

    , | MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve just started a job at a certain Canadian coffee shop franchise. It’s my first job, and I’m still learning how to deal with people and learning the items we sell.)

    Customer: “I’d like a naughty donut, please.”

    Me: *pause* “What kind of donut?”

    Customer: “A naughty donut.”

    (I entered in ‘assorted donut’ and he pays. My coworker comes up and reads the screen, going over to the donut section.)

    Coworker: “Hi, sir, what type of donut did you want?”

    Customer: “A naughty one.”

    Coworker: “Um… what kind?”

    Customer: *points* “A Peanut Crunch.”

    Me: “Oh, a NUTTY donut!”

    Doesn’t Always Take Practise, Practise, Practise…

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Tourists/Travel

    (My grandfather and I are taking a tour of a world-famous opera house many years ago when this happens:)

    Tour Guide: “And now, we are in the stage area, where—”

    Grandfather: *singing* “La la la la la!”

    Tour Guide: “What was that, sir?”

    Grandfather: “Now I can say I sang on stage at [Famous Opera House]!”

    Nipped That One In The Inappropriate Bud

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the sporting goods department of a huge, multinational retailer. I’m stocking fishing gear and cleaning up my aisle as I’m approached by a creaky-boned geriatric, clutching her cart for stability as her walker is stowed in it. With bleary, watery eyes behind huge, thick granny-glasses staring at me, she croaks out:)

    Customer: “Where are your nipples?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your NIPPLES! Where are your NIPPLES?”

    Me: *stunned silence*

    Customer: *perhaps used to deal with people who are hard of hearing* “YOUR BABY BOTTLES AND YOUR NIPPLES! WHERE ARE THEY?”

    Me: “Oh! Our infant’s section is in the opposite corner of the store.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!”

    Talking Non-scents

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (It’s a couple months after the winter holidays and I’m working self-scan check-outs. My store offers everything from food to electronics. A woman flags me over to her self-scan.)

    Customer: “These scented candles are supposed to be on clearance.”

    (The candles are scented gingerbread. Holiday items are extremely discounted and the candles are clearly ringing up at full price.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, let me fix that for you.”

    (I begin to fix the price on the six or so candles she’s buying as she begins to bag up the rest of her items. She comes up to me a moment later.)

    Customer: “Have you smelled these? They smell awful. You would think they would smell better.”

    Me: “No, I haven’t smelled them.”

    Customer: *offers a candle* “You should smell them.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Go ahead. Smell it.”

    Me: *reluctantly taking a whiff* “I really don’t smell anything at all, ma’am. Do you not want the candles if they smell bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I still want them.” *she bags the rest up*

    (I finish changing the prices and help her finish bagging. My thoughts still turn to the candles.)

    Me: “Why are you buying them if you think they smell bad?”

    Customer: “Because they’re on clearance! You can’t pass up on these prices!”

    (I know customers like this who feel strongly about deals but I’m still stuck on why she would still want so many even though she clearly doesn’t like the smell.)

    Me: “But what will you do with them?”

    Customer: *pause* “I think I’ll give them to my sister… I don’t really like her either.”

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