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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Freak For Yourself, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have a regular who comes in for special sandwiches that are made on Mondays and Fridays only. When she comes in, it’s on a Thursday and the guy who makes them at the deli isn’t there. Instead, it’s a new guy who’s still being trained.)

    Customer: “Black and blue with horse sauce on the side.”

    (FYI, she wants pumpernickel bread with roast beef, bleu cheese and horseradish sauce on the side.)

    New Employee: “Uh, sorry? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “I want the black and blue with the horse sauce on the side.

    New Employee: “Let me get someone else. I’m new, so I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “God, are you stupid? I want the black and blue with horse sauce on the side! Is that so freaking hard to understand?

    Other Employee: *overhears* “Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that made for you right now. He’s new, so he doesn’t know about our sandwich specialties.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer suddenly turns sweet and smiles.)

    Customer: “OH! You’re new? How many days have you been working here?”

    New Employee: “Only two days, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, watch out for those crazies. You’re bound to get a few!”

    Freak For Yourself

    How To Keep Your Online Devices In Line

    | Tennessee, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] DSL tech support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My modem bit me.”

    Me: “It… bit you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I went to turn it off and it bit me. And now it’s staring at me every time I try to get back in the room.”

    (The modem has two red lights on the front that are lit solid when everything is working properly. The customer also sounds like they’re not exactly sober, so I decide that giving them a logical response won’t be much help to them.)

    Me: “All right, what you should do is turn the light on in the room, close the door, and go to bed. The modem will stay up all night trying to get to you, but be stuck in the room. By morning it’ll be too exhausted to fight back and you can duct tape it to the desk to keep it in line from now on.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    (The next day, he actually called back to compliment me for solving his problem!)

    Goodnight Loon

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

    Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

    Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

    Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

    Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

    Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

    Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

    (Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

    Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

    Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

    Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

    Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

    Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

    (She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

    Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

    The Day The Earth Stood Tilled

    | Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “Department of Agriculture, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I believe the department of agriculture is part of some sort of council. Is that right?”

    Me: “I suppose we are, with the other departments of the government.”

    Customer: “There are people in the council working against alien species, correct?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by alien species.”

    Customer: “I mean alien species in plants.”

    Me: “Oh, like weeds?”

    Customer: “Well, you could call them ‘weeds’ if that makes you feel better.”

    Me: “Uhm… well, I can transfer you to our weed specialist. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

    Customer: “‘Weed’ specialist… yes, that’ll do. By the way, how long has your number been ###-2666?”

    Me: “It’s always been this number, sir.”

    Customer: “Do you know what triple-6 means?”

    Me: “I’m assuming you’re speaking of the Devil?”

    Customer: “That is correct.”

    Me: “Well, I’m in no position to transfer you to the Devil, but I can transfer you to our weed specialist.”

    Customer: “The alien specialist, yes.”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. Have a good day, sir!”

    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)


    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

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