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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    A Sudden Stamp Of Recognition

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a copy shop/shipping store. It has a modern all-glass front with two entrances. Currently, I am currently the only one on shift. A customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we don’t sell postage. [Store across the street] has stamps, though, at every register, and they’re just down the stairs at the end of the parking lot.”

    Customer: “Oh, all right. Thank you!”

    (The customer leaves, but I watch her walk 10 feet to our other entrance, and enter our store again.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not. However, if you go over to—”

    Customer: “See, that’s what the other girl said, and she told me to come over to this location!”

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Customer: “You young people need to learn to be clear when you’re giving directions!”

    (As she says this, she looks around and the lightbulb goes off.)

    Customer: “I’m in the same store, aren’t I?”

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    Crazy Is On The Menu

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve received a complaint from a very unhappy customer, which has put me in a terrible mood. Thirty minutes later, I’m still not feeling too great when four young teens, three girls and one boy, walk into the restaurant. The boy and one of the girls get ready to order while the two other girls sit down and watch.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

    Girl #1: “Uh… so many options.”

    Boy: “Come on, what do you want?”

    Girl #1: “I don’t know; I’m still deciding.”

    (There is a pause as the girl continues to look at the menu.)

    Boy: “Come on! Just decide already. Just get like a ham or turkey or something.”

    Girl #1: “But I don’t want that.”

    Boy: “God, I don’t know why this is so difficult for you! They’re just sandwiches! Just pick SOMETHING!”

    (The boy’s mannerisms and speech seem very unnatural and rehearsed, and the girls are trying not to laugh, so I can tell by this point that they’re just playing a joke.)

    Boy: “You do this EVERY TIME. You’ve done this every time we came in here for two years! TWO YEARS you’ve put me through this! I don’t know why I put up with it! You know what? I’m done! I’m sick of this!”

    (He exits the store dramatically, and his girlfriend runs after him.)

    Girl #1: “Babe, wait! Come back! I’m SORRY!”

    (Once she leaves, the two other girls get up and slowly exit the store.)

    Girl #2: “I’m so sorry. No sandwiches.”

    Girl #3: “Sorry.”

    (I call after them as they leave.)

    Me: “Bravo! Brava! But work on your acting a bit!”

    (I’m sure they were just trying to weird me out, but strangely enough, their little performance cheered me up and took my mind off of the unhappy customer!)

    Requires Adult Supervision

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a daycare which caters to infants through to 12 years of age. A middle-aged man once approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi.”

    Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to be cared for.”

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Customer: “46.”

    Me: “This is a daycare that only caters to young children.”

    Customer: “Oh… do you know where I can find a daycare that caters to adults?”

    Me: “Yes I do. The nearest hospital is right down the road.”

    Customer: “Thanks! I can’t wait to play with the toys!”

    Raisin Awareness Of Her Problem

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I give out free samples. I am serving a variety of grapes when I see a well-dressed woman in her 60s nearby with her daughter and grandchild. Listening to them talk, she seems very educated and well-spoken, and I see her approach my cart.)

    Me: “Hello, would you like to try some of our grapes today?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, dear.”

    (I wish her a good day, and go back to preparing more samples. I realize a few seconds later that she is still just standing there, staring at me.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, ma’am?”

    (Suddenly she gives me a death glare, jabs her finger toward my bowl of grapes and yells at me.)

    Customer: “DEY GIVE ME DA POOPIES!”

    (She then stomps off in a huff, leaving me to wonder what the heck just happened.)

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