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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Day The Earth Stood Tilled

    | Canada | Bizarre

    Me: “Department of Agriculture, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I believe the department of agriculture is part of some sort of council. Is that right?”

    Me: “I suppose we are, with the other departments of the government.”

    Customer: “There are people in the council working against alien species, correct?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by alien species.”

    Customer: “I mean alien species in plants.”

    Me: “Oh, like weeds?”

    Customer: “Well, you could call them ‘weeds’ if that makes you feel better.”

    Me: “Uhm… well, I can transfer you to our weed specialist. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

    Customer: “‘Weed’ specialist… yes, that’ll do. By the way, how long has your number been ###-2666?”

    Me: “It’s always been this number, sir.”

    Customer: “Do you know what triple-6 means?”

    Me: “I’m assuming you’re speaking of the Devil?”

    Customer: “That is correct.”

    Me: “Well, I’m in no position to transfer you to the Devil, but I can transfer you to our weed specialist.”

    Customer: “The alien specialist, yes.”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. Have a good day, sir!”

    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

    Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

    Blowing Things Out (And Up) Of Proportion

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (When I was in 7th grade, I volunteered at a local library. My main job was to gather books for pull lists. One day when I’m checking in some books and filling out sending forms, a man and his daughter walk up to my computer. Note: the scanner I am using beeps every time I scan a book.)

    Daughter: “Why is it making that beeping sound, Daddy?”

    Father: “I don’t know. Maybe she’s checking them in.”

    Daughter: “Really?”

    Father: “No. I think she’s going to steal them.”

    (I look up, confused, and I’m about to interject when the father walks over to the head librarian’s door.)

    Me: “Um, sir?”

    Father: “Quiet, thief!” *knocks on the librarians door*

    Head Librarian: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Father: “That girl over there, who is clearly not authorized to run those machines, was stealing your books!”

    Me: “I was checking them out to put them into the send boxes.”

    Father: “No! I clearly saw you stuff books into your pockets!”

    Coworker: “Sir, she doesn’t have any pockets.”

    Father: “I meant down her shirt!”

    (Note: I am wearing a tight fitting shirt. If so much as a piece of paper had been under my shirt, it would have been very visible. Needless to say, there are clearly no books under my shirt.)

    Father: “Fine! If you don’t believe me, I’m calling the cops!”

    Head Librarian: “Sir, she was not stealing books! Please do not call the police!”

    (The father ignores the head librarian and proceeds to dial the police anyway. The operator on the other end of the phone is speaking loud enough for us to hear.)

    Father: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a girl stealing books at the ***** Library.”

    Operator: “Sir, are you a member of the library staff?”

    Father: “No, but I saw it happen!”

    Operator: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Father: “…and she planted a bomb!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Operator: *sighs audibly* “Right. We’ll send a bomb squad…”

    (Five minutes later, there is indeed a bomb squad outside the library doors. They end up having to clear out the library, search me, and go through the entire library with bomb-dogs.)

    Daughter: *to her father* “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”

    (When the police heard that, they arrested the father. I got a week off.)

    This Happens With Alarming Regularity

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *eats receipt*

    Me: *stares, speechless*

    Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”

    Don’t Make A Dare With The Hair

    | Great Falls, MT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our sandwich shop. Instead of ordering at the counter, he sits down and spends 15 minutes staring at us from the table. However, he ignores all of our attempts to talk to him. Finally, he storms up to the register where I am and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “When the f*** is one of your waiters going to take my f***ing order? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters. You have to come up to the register to take your order. I’ll be happy to take your order for you, and we’ll probably have it ready before you finish paying.”

    Customer: “No, my friend told me this is a classy joint! Classy joints have waiters! Now get a f***ing waiter out here or I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters, and if you insist on swearing at me I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Make me f***er! Come at me, bro! You’re just a f***** with girl hair!”

    (Note: I am a man with shaggy hair.)

    Me: “Sir, please leave.”

    Customer: “Suck my ****!”

    (Fed up, my manager intervenes.)

    Manager: “I’m calling the cops, so you can tell them to suck your **** all you like if you’re still here when they get here.”

    Customer: *points at me* “Send this little f***** outside! I’ll be in the alley!”

    (The customer storms out through the back door, which is for employees only. As my manager starts to dial the cops, he turns to me.)

    Manager: *conspiratorially* “Hey, if you wanna take a break out in the alley, that’s cool.”

    Me: “Excellent!”

    (I go out the back door and find the belligerent customer still there.)

    Customer: *sees me and freezes in place*

    Me: *jumps over the rail separating us*

    Customer: *takes off running*

    (Instead of giving chase, I returned to the store. The police called a few minutes later telling us they had him in custody.)

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