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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    Are We Human, Or Are We Answers

    | Germany | Bizarre

    (I’m an online chat agent for a phone company. I help customers choose and order cell phones and plans through online chat.)

    Customer: “Do you carry [mobile broadband plan]?”

    Me: “Yes, we do! Would you like me to help you choose the right plan for you?”

    Customer: “No. You’re automatic s***! I wanted to talk to an actual employee! No way I’m ever using [company] again.”

    Me: “I assure you I’m in fact human. Now, do you want to continue?”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you. Who’s our finance minister?”

    (I tell her the name of Germany’s finance minister.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, then. I just assumed because you were typing so neatly! Yeah, let’s keep going.”

    (I help her figure out what’s the perfect internet plan for her needs. I make sure to do some small talk and deliberately add a typo here or there.)

    Customer: “Thanks, that was really helpful! I’ll go buy it at the store, then.”

    (I’m bummed because I have spent a lot of time helping her and I was looking forward to my commission. I won’t get this commission if she orders through the store.)

    Me: “You’re welcome, but I could give you 25€ off if you order with me. It’s a matter of five minutes, tops.”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I want to buy from an actual person, not a computer. Bye!” *hangs up*

    Retail Can Leave You Bor-g-ed Stiff

    | Michigan, USA | Bizarre

    (It’s towards the end of my work day, and I grab at the first item in a customer’s order right as she swipes her card.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, your card did not read as I hadn’t scanned the first item yet.”

    Customer: “NOOO!”

    Me: *surprised* “Huh?”

    Customer: “You have ROBOT-ITIS!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “You said that like you say it a million times a day! Put more feeling into it, Miss Robot!”

    The Facts Of Second Life

    | Southern California, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer in her 40s approaches me to ask where something is. As I am answering her question, she notices my name tag.)

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize they had to give you names! How nice of them to try and give you more of an identity!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, since you’re a robot and all.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I’m a person. In fact…” *I point to my pregnant belly* “…I’m a person growing ANOTHER person.”

    Customer: “No, no, can’t be. That documentary with Bruce Willis said workers were being replaced with robots.”

    Me: “…You mean Surrogates?”

    Customer: “That’s the one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was a movie. Didn’t you watch the whole thing?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Just a chunk in the middle I think. It was rather over-dramatic for a documentary, and I just couldn’t get into it. Got the gist of it though! Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you’re a robot. Technology today! WONDERFUL!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*

    Eye Can’t Believe It

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant's name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have—”

    (The customer finally makes eye contact and then stares at me for a couple of seconds.)

    Me: “Ma’am? Is everything all right?”

    Customer: “Your eyes…”

    (I typically get compliments on my blue eyes, so I just smile.)

    Me: “Thank you. What can I get for you?”

    (The customer is still transfixed on my eyes.)

    Customer: *slowly* “Are… they real?”

    Me: “Um, yes.”

    Customer: “Are they yours?”

    Me: *laughing* “No, I stole them from a corpse.”

    (I realize that she thinks I’m serious.)

    Me: “They’re my real eyes! I was born with them.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Positive.”

    Customer: *orders and quickly leaves, staring cautiously at my eyes the whole time*

    Related:
    An Eye For An Eyepatch

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