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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Customer Zero

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I have just gone to the hospital for a abdominal scan, and I still have the ID bracelet on that they give to patients. I am shopping on my own when a woman comes up to me.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be in the way.”

    Female customer: “What are you doing in a public place, kid?”

    (Note: I’m 21.)

    Me: “What?”

    Female customer: “That bracelet! It means that you are infected! What are you doing touching things?”

    Me: “Lady. I’m not infected with anything. I just came from a check-up.”

    Female customer: “STOP LYING! I am going to get the manager!”

    (She leaves, and I continue to shop. She comes back with the manager while I am looking at some fruit.)

    Female customer: “See? He’s touching everything! Now you are going to have to throw all of this out!”

    Me: “Look, I already told you. It’s an ID bracelet.”

    Manager: “Wait. You already told her that?” *turns to lady* “Why are you harassing this poor kid?”

    Female customer: “HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!” *runs off*

    (The manager apologized and I got his discount for my food!)

    The Working Dead

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

    Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

    Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

    Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

    Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia's largest household hardware chain]?”

    Me: “Um, probably here?”

    Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

    Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

    Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

    Guy #1: “Exactly!”

    Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

    Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

    Guy #2: “I give up.”

    Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

    Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

    A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

    Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

    Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

    Me: “Um—”

    Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

    Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

    Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working the cash register. I’m supposed to card anyone who looks under 30 when they are buying cigarettes.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good. Can I have a box of [cigarette brand].”

    Me: “Sure! May I see your ID?” *the customer looks around 25 years old*

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I need to see your ID. The law is becoming very strict about carding people and you look under 30.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see! You just want my ID to see my address so you can know where I live. You’re probably going to sneak into my house in the middle of the night and take these back from me. I’m 39. I shouldn’t be carded, so that’s the only reason I see!”

    Me: “Yep, you got me. That’ll be $6.99.”

    Customer: “I’ll be watching. don’t think I won’t be!”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 8
    No ID, No Idea, Part 7
    No ID, No Idea, Part 6
    No ID, No Idea, Part 5
    No ID, No Idea, Part 4
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

    Her Argument Is Dispiriting

    | Chicago Suburbs, IL, USA | Bizarre

    (I am an assistant manager, and I am handing over a particularly difficult customer to my manager. At our store, all refunds over a certain amount must be returned in the manner they were paid for.)

    Me: “This customer here would like a refund for these items, but she does not have her card with her. I explained that we have to refund the items to her card, but she keeps asking for store credit.”

    Manager: *to the customer* “She’s right, ma’am. All refunds must be returned in the form we received the payment. Do you have your card with you?”

    Customer: “I think it is rude that she is assuming that I am asking you to refund my items. She did not even let me ask you the question I wanted to ask!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry. What is your question?”

    Customer: “Can I exchange, not refund, these items for a store credit?”

    Manager: “That is still considered a refund, so no. I’m sorry we cannot help you unless you have your card.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t take these groceries back now! They’re not the same as when I walked in!”

    Manager: “…Not the same?”

    Customer: “They are spiritually damaged, and I cannot eat them. That girl stole their spirit!”

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