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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

    | Greeley, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

    Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

    Me: “I dyed it.”

    Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

    (I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

    Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Manager: “I do.”

    Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

    (She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

    Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    H2-Woah, Part 2

    | London, UK | Bizarre, Money

    Me: “Hey, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I would like two bottles of water, please.”

    (I give the water to the customer.)

    Me: “That’s £5 please.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? How much?”

    Me: “£2.50 each, so £5.”

    Customer: “That’s disgusting. How do you get away with charging that much for water? I am only willing to pay 50p for both as it’s only bottled tap water.”

    Me: “It’s not tap water; it’s mineral water. Tap water is free if you want it.”

    (The customer hands me £10.)

    Customer: “I expect £9.50 change as I’m not paying that much.”

    (I hand the customer £5 change.)

    Me: “No, it’s £5 change.”

    Customer: “I’m just f***ing with you. You’re just so beautiful I thought you deserved some abuse!”

    Related:
    H2-Woah

    Acting Acidic

    | South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

    Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”

    Customer: *screaming* “DON’T YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANT LEMON AGAIN! NEVER PUT LEMON ON MY ORDER!”

    Issues Of Trust To Leave You Bust

    | USA | Bizarre

    (As a supervisor for a major cell phone company, I am often the last rung on the ladder people get when angry and demanding assistance above the person they are speaking with. My employee who handles angry customers first calls me, somewhat frustrated, stating the customer has been very demanding and uncooperative. I take over.)

    Customer: “I don’t know why this is so f***ing hard. I just need my info about my plan. Aren’t you people smarter than this?”

    Me: “I am certainly happy to assist with your plan info. I just need your phone number to look up your account.”

    Customer: “That’s what I mean. I can’t give you that. How do I know you are who you say you are? You could be any bum off the street.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m a little confused, though. I mean, you called us. You dialed the number for [company name]. Why would you think I didn’t work for [company name]?”

    Customer: “Man, they have computers that can read your mind and steal your ATM numbers. This is crap. Just tell me what plan I have.”

    Me: “Have you tried checking that info through the phone itself? It gives you a complete breakdown of all the—”

    Customer: “Are you listening to me? I don’t trust anything I see on the internet. It’s all lies and unicorns.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Just tell me what plan you have me set up on. I don’t have time for this.”

    Me: “I need your device ID or—”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “We have millions of customers. You didn’t call from the phone, or the info would have come up. You could be any of [company name]‘s customers. I really want to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not one of [company name]‘s customers.”

    Me: “Beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I don’t trust you guys. I’m with… someone else.”

    Me: “You have service with another company?”

    Customer: “Right?”

    Me: “Which company?”

    Customer: “See? What are you? Stupid? I’m not telling you s***!”

    Me: “So, you don’t have service with [company name]? At all?”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “And… uh… you called us to help you with info about your account with one of our competitors?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t possibly help you with that. I can only help with our own customers. I don’t have access to-”

    Customer: “I don’t trust those a**holes. You aren’t going to help me either.”

    Me: “I mean, sorry, but I’m not able to. I want to help you, but you haven’t really put me in a position to-”

    Customer: “I knew it! F*** you! You all suck!” *hangs up*

    Me: *speechless*

    This Problem Can’t Get Licked

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

    Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

    Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

    Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

    (I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

    Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

    Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

    Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

    Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

    (The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

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