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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Lack Of Touching Sentiment

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

    Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

    Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

    Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

    Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

    (I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

    Went Beyond Their Reason

    | Newtown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling Bed Bath & Beyond [Location]. This is [My Name]. How can I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, yeah, is this Bed Bath & Body Works?”

    Me: “This is Bed Bath & Beyond; Bath & Body Works is a different store.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “…is this the store you meant to call?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “What were you calling about, sir? What were you looking for information about?”

    Customer: “Uh. I don’t know?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do much for you without more information, especially if this isn’t the store you meant to call!”

    Customer: “Well, you’re NO help, are you now?” *click*

    Zipping From One Line To Another

    | Stevens, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a retreat and adventure center. One of our main attractions is a zipline canopy tour that requires one to make a reservation. Many call in to do so and inquire about certain safety issues and other things.)

    Me: “Hello, [Camp]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to reserve a spot for ziplining.”

    Me: “Okay, what day?”

    Customer: “Sunday.”

    Me: “Okay, and what time.”

    Customer: “What time is best? What time will get us finished by dinner?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. How about three?”

    Customer: “Okay, and what time would be best for us to leave so we can get there on time?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, it depends on where you live.”

    Customer: “And I wanted to stick in a pot roast and have it done when we return. What would be the best temperature to leave the pot roast at so that it will be done when we get back?”

    This Is Not What A Feminist Looks Like

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Language & Words, Politics

    (A woman approaches me at the counter, looking over her shoulder as if she is looking out for someone.)

    Me: “Can I… help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “Yes, um, I was wondering if you had any books about…” *drops her voice to an urgent whisper* “… the ‘F’ word.”

    Me: “Well, um, we have the ‘Kama Sutra’ in our world cultures section and our romance novel and erotica are—”

    Woman: “No, no! The other ‘F’-word.”

    Me: *thoroughly confused* “I’m afraid I’m not following ,ma’am…”

    Woman: “The ‘F’-word, you know!”

    Me: “Really, ma’am, I don’t. Would you like to write it down for me to—”

    Woman: “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! FEMINISM! I’m looking for a book on feminism! Now the whole store knows my business! THANK YOU!”

    (She proceeds to quickly flee the store, apologizing to other patrons as she leaves.)

    Next Customer: “Is she going to be all right?”

    Me: “I certainly hope so.”

    We Apologize For The Convenience

    , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (It is Thanksgiving Day. I am calling a customer who left a message that he wants to ‘complain.’)

    Customer: “I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s a holiday.”

    Me: “Actually, we’re not closed. In fact, you and I are talking on the phone, right now.”

    Customer: “I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open.”

    Me: “Except that we ARE OPEN.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “Just to make sure I understand: You’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed, in order to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realized that we’re open, the exact thing you wanted, you’d like to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Was there a technical problem that you needed help with in the first place?”

    Customer: “No! I only called to complain.”

    Me: *bangs head on desk*

    Customer: “Well, I think I at least deserve an apology!”

    Me: “I’m, uh… very sorry that we could not inconvenience you today.”

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