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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    The Tongue Has Eyes

    | Peabody, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I present a diner our menu, which does not contain any photos.)

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know what the food tastes like if there’s no pictures?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Trying To Stamp Out Stupid

    | West Hartford, CT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top, Transportation

    (I am friendly with our neighborhood postal delivery lady, and always chat with her when taking the dog out for his afternoon walk. She was telling me about the new neighbors that just moved in.)

    Postal Lady: “Hey, how are you doing?”

    Me: “Good. Yourself?”

    Postal Lady: “I tell you, I have to deal with some pretty stupid people on my job. You’re going to like this. Do you know where the new neighbors just moved in?” *points to the house*

    Me: “Yeah. What about them?”

    Postal Lady: “Well, the other day, when I was when I was delivering their mail, the lady came screaming, waving her arms, running out of her house, because she wanted to ask me if she wants to mail something what does she need to do.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Postal Lady: “So I tell her if she puts something in the mailbox, just put the flag up. Then she asked, ‘What flag? You never gave me a flag!’ So I showed her, by moving it up and down. She responded, ‘I don’t think that you are very intelligent. That is NOT a flag. A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!’”

    (I start laughing.)

    Postal Lady: “Wait, it gets better. Today, when I delivered her mail, the ‘flag’ was up. And in it I found this:”

    (She showed me an envelope with a hand written address, and where the stamp should have been was a square that read ‘First Class Mail: No Stamp Needed of Mail in the USA’ that was cut out of a piece of junk mail and taped on to the envelope.)

    Weird And Weirder

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am buying ‘Keep Off the Grass’ signs for my lawn. I am usually very socially awkward but I love talking to associates. I am currently talking to one about the signs.)

    Me: “We live on the corner of two streets so people walk through our yard all the time. I wouldn’t mind except they throw their trash on the ground. I even caught a moving guy doing it. I don’t want to be rude, but I have no choice.”

    Employee: “Yeah.”

    Me: “It’s not like they are going to abide by the signs. I might have to sit on my porch and watch for a few hours.” *jokingly* “Maybe follow them home and throw it on their lawn.”

    Employee: *laughs* “Yeah, you should.”

    (Suddenly a customer comes up to both of us talking about drug deals on her lawn and AK47s. We smile and nod, hoping she will go away. Once she does, we look at each other.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’m usually the weird customer, but somehow I attract even weirder…”

    Not Listening Is An Occupational Hazard

    | Kelowna, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (When a customer comes in to do a money transfer, I have to get a piece of ID and ask them two questions.)

    Me: “I just have a couple of questions before I can pay you out your money.”

    Customer: “Okay, sure.”

    Me: “What country were you born in?”

    Customer: “Canada.”

    Me: “Okay, and what is your occupation?”

    Customer: “White.”

    Me: “White?”

    Customer: *very firmly* “Yes, white.”

    Me: “Okay… So, your occupation is white?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *thinks for a moment* “Oh, wait. What’s occupation mean again?”

    Me: “What do you do for work.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you meant what color I am! I work in construction!”

    Done With This Business

    | Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am second in line at a deli. Deli servers aren’t allowed to stop serving someone unless they’re absolutely sure a customer is done.)

    Deli Worker: *to first customer* “That’s 500 grams. Is that all today?”

    Customer: *playing with phone, says nothing*

    Deli Worker: *turns, wraps the item, and hands it to the customer* “Is that all today?”

    Customer: *not looking up, slowly walks away*

    (The worker’s eyes follow the customer until she’s completely out of the line.)

    Deli Worker: “Aaaaaand… that’s a yes.” *turns to me, mirroring my bemused face* “Hi.”


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