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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Deathly Out Of Touch

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (A woman walks up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the Necronomicon.” *a book that supposedly teaches you how to summon spirits*

    Me: “I think we have a copy over here.”

    (I take her over to the section, find the book, and pull it out for her.)

    Me: “Here it is!”

    Customer: *looks suspiciously at the book* “Do you have any other copies? You touched that one!”

    Me: “Um, yes, there is another copy on the shelf.”

    Customer: “Good! And that one hasn’t been touched by human hands?”

    Me: “…I’m pretty sure it has been touched, but it’s still shrink wrapped.”

    Customer: “No, that won’t do. Are you sure you don’t have another copy that hasn’t been touched?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m pretty sure all of our books have been touched by human hands.”

    Customer: “Darn. Well, call me if you get an untouched copy.” *leaves without giving me a phone number*

    Running Afoul Of The Customer

    | USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. The day before, I tripped and fell while jogging. As a result, all the skin on my knuckles, my palms, my elbows, and my right cheek is gone. I’m heavily bandaged for aesthetic and sanitary reasons. I’ve been fielding questions all day about them. A guy drives up to pay for his order.)

    Customer: “Wow, what happened to you?”

    Me: “I had a jogging accident.”

    Customer: “A jogging accident?”

    Me: “Yeah, I tripped over my own two feet and landed hard.”

    Customer: “That sucks. You need a better cover story.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Tell people you fell off the back of a motorcycle. That’s so much cooler!”

    Me: “…”

    Sew Inappropriate

    | UK, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I am in a fabric store looking at fabric for a friend’s Halloween costume, when an old lady enters and immediately comes over to me and stares for several minutes. I ignore her. She leaves, and I see her peeking around a corner at me several times. After a few minutes a policeman comes up to me.)

    Policeman: “Can we take your name and address, sir?”

    Me: “Okay, it’s [Address]. What’s up?”

    Policeman: “We had a report that a gentleman matching your description was disrupting business here. Would you mind leaving?”

    Me: “I just need to pay for my products.”

    (At this point an assistant comes over and vouches for me. The police talk with the assistant. Suddenly the old lady comes barreling back.)

    Old Lady: “Men should not be allowed to sew! If you were one of mine, I’d take you across my knee! This is pure sexism!” *she then slaps me* “There! Now learn your lesson and stop your evil ways.”

    Policeman: *right behind her* “Ahem. Madam, would you mind stepping into the car?”

    A Common-Sense Vacuum

    | GA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I am working at a big box retail store that has circulars in the Sunday papers. I don’t work at the customer service desk, but, just happen to be there when the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Location], [Store Name].”

    Caller: “Yes, I was calling about the vacuum cleaner on the front page of your circular. Is it really 40% off?”

    Me: “Let me get that in front of me.”

    (I find a circular and see that the 40% off is for the clearance apparel shown just above the picture of the vacuum cleaner.)

    Me: “No Ma’am, that 40% off is for clearance apparel.”

    Caller: “So, that doesn’t include the vacuum cleaner?”

    (As a manager walks by the desk, I say…)

    Me: “No, Ma’am, vacuum cleaners are not apparel.”

    (My manager stops, gives me a strange look, laughs, shakes his head, and, walks away.)

    Not Quite Feeling This Request

    , | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (An artistic, elaborately dressed woman wanders in and is standing by the paint samples in a melodramatic stance. I wander over.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: *gives me a withering look and says* “I’m looking for Bittersweet.”

    Me: “That doesn’t sound like one of our colors, but I can look it up in the database and see if we can match it.”

    Customer: “No… I’m looking for a color that invokes the feeling of bittersweet.”

    (I stand dumbfounded for a second.)

    Me: “So… is that like an orange or something?”

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