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  • Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 3

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to return this book.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Our return policy is 14 days with a receipt, so since this is outside of that, I need to call over a manager. If you don’t mind, it will be just a moment.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your policy; just give me my money back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is the only one who can make that call. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m double parked outside.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, but there’s nothing I can do.”

    (The manager comes over. It’s only been about a minute since the customer walked up to me.)

    Customer: “God, finally! I need my money back, and I’m double parked outside, so make it quick!”

    Manager: “Well, our usual policy is 14 days with a receipt, but we can occasionally make exceptions—”

    Customer: “I just read it yesterday!”

    Manager: “Wait, you read the whole book?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I hated it! That’s why I’m returning it!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that’s not really how a bookstore works. If everyone just returned books after they were done reading them, we would be a library.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Manager: “Well—”

    Customer: “—GOD, FINE! Here’s a receipt if you people need it so badly!”

    (Customer throws a crumpled, faded receipt at the manager. She catches it and looks at it, shocked.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this receipt is from [Competitor], who went out of business three years ago.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Manager: “So it’s not even from our store. I can’t give you your money back.”

    Customer: *looking out the window, noticing her car is getting a ticket* “Oh my god, I hate this store! I’m never shopping here again!”

    Manager: “You never shopped here in the first place!”

    Related:
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

    Retail Nightmares

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I can’t find the skirt I came for.”

    Me: “Can you describe it for me?”

    Customer: “it was blue, lightweight, and had a red flower design around the bottom.”

    Me: “I can’t think of a skirt like that in stock right now. Did you see it online? We don’t carry the whole collection here.”

    Customer: “No, I had a dream I bought it here. You MUST carry it! My dreams are prophetic!”

    The Last Trip He Takes You On

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

    Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

    Caller: “Just me.”

    (I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

    (The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

    Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Serving By The Seat Of His Pants

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I have a regular customer who comes into the customer service desk where I work. He always needs help with the ATM. He’s a strange little fellow, always smells of beer and slurs his words. I am working on some paperwork when he comes in.)

    Customer: “He-hey, hey, you’re the lady who helped me earlier right?”

    Me: “Yes, is something wrong?”

    (I had helped him with the ATM then did an exchange. He had gotten the wrong ice cream.)

    Customer: “No, I was just wondering if you’d do me a favor?”

    Me: “What do you need? I’ll try my best to help.”

    Customer: “If I give you $40 will you take these pants back to the store for me and get me a smaller size?”

    Me: “Uhm, no. I don’t get off work until seven so I don’t think I’ll be able to get there.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s okay. They don’t close until nine; you have plenty of time.”

    Me: “I’m still going to say no. Sorry.”

    Customer: “You’re saying no.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s a no.”

    (He walked away without saying anything. My coworker and I just looked at each other like we both imagined it.)

    Things Just Got Weird

    | USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (A teenage male comes in and asks for a book. After receiving it, he goes and stands in the middle of an open space, directly in my line of sight, and starts fidgeting and wiggling. He hasn’t checked out yet.)

    Him: “I’m not stealing anything, I swear.”

    (He’s been in my eyesight the whole time he’s been in the store and I know he hasn’t touched anything. The only books he passed by are huge coffee table books that he couldn’t hide in his current possessions.)

    Me: “I know you haven’t.”

    Him: “Well, I won’t. I swear. I’ll keep my hands right here!”

    (He thrusts his hands in his pockets, but only lasts a second before taking them back out and fidgeting around some more – hands in his hair, messing with his shirt, etc.)

    Me: “Do I need to be worried?”

    Him: “No, no… I’m just standing here because if I don’t… I’ll… do things.”

    Me: “Things?”

    Him: “Bad things…”

    (After about five minutes his dad came in and bought him a book on black magic. The kid said thank you and left. No inventory was missing.)

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