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    Category: Bizarre

    For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

    This Caller Needs To Be Sectioned

    | OH, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in one of the three support sections with similar names in a large company that works to ensure records and documents are correctly maintained for employees.)

    Me: “[Section A], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like to get a new ID.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that would be [Section B]. I can transfer you to them now.”

    Caller: “What? I thought [Section A] did that.”

    Me: “No, that’ll be [Section B].”

    Caller: “Wait, so what do you do?”

    Me: “We maintain your current and past records.”

    Caller: “I thought that would was [Section C]!”

    Me: “No, they work with section transfers and inventory.”

    Caller: “So… what does [Section B] do?”

    Me: “…what you are asking for?”

    Caller: “Oh! Okay, I’ll call them!”

    (She hangs up on me and moments later calls back.)

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to get a new ID card.”

    Me: “…ma’am, this is [Section A] again.”

    Caller: “But I pressed three on the robot phone voice!”

    Me: “That is for us.”

    Caller: “Then what’s the extension for [Section B]?!”

    Me: “That’ll be extension seven, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Why did it tell me to press three then?!”

    Me: “I’ve literally called our line yesterday, ma’am, and it tells you we are three and [Section B] is seven.”

    Caller: “It was three last I checked! You should check again!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is wasn’t three for a few months now and they updated the automated message.”

    Caller: “Well, it didn’t inform me of any change!”

    Me: “One of the first things it says is ‘please listen carefully, as some of the options have changed.’”

    Customer: “THIS IS STUPID! JUST TRANSFER ME TO [Section A]!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is [Section A]. You want—”

    Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT! I DON’T CARE WHICH ONE IS WHICH OR WHAT THEY DO! JUST SEND ME WHEREVER SO I CAN GET A NEW ID!”

    Me: “One moment, ma’am.”

    (I transfer her to the correct section and sit back in my chair with a sigh as a coworker walks by.)

    Me: “I… am NOT… paid enough for this…”

    Coworker: “Welcome to [Section A].”

    Just Called To Say I Called

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker has been on the phone for about five minutes before handing it to me.)

    Coworker: *on the phone* “Can you hold on just one second?” *to me* “Hey, can you deal with this?”

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “…hello.”

    Customer: “How are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

    Customer: “Good, thanks for asking. So what are you up to?”

    Me: “You know, just working.”

    Customer: “Good, good.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of busy right now, so I better get back to it.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t let me keep you. Have a good day!”

    Me: “Thanks, you too.”

    Coworker: “So was it just me or was that weird?”

    Me: “No, no, that was very weird.”

    Doesn’t Prank Very Highly With Him

    | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the graveyard security shift when the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Company] guard shack. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Hey, I just wanted to make sure your refrigerator was running.”

    Me: “Already caught it running down Oregon Road. Is there something I can help you with?”

    (He apparently places his hand badly over the speaker because I can still hear him.)

    Caller: *to someone else* “Dude, it didn’t work. Got another?”

    Other Person: “Try the Prince Albert one!”

    Me: “I’ll stop you two right there; I’ve got Prince Albert in a can, Queen Elizabeth in a box, and the Duke of Earl in a bar with Tom, Dick, and Harry. Unless you have actual business with me, you can just hang up now before I trace this call and put your a** in the grass.”

    (*click*)

    The Paint Is In Aisle Five; Prepare To Die

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (My 20-year-old son goes to a craft store with me. He has long hair, pulled back in a ponytail, slightly ratty jeans, and an oversized t-shirt with a small name-tag which says ‘hello my name is Inigo Montoya.’)

    Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where are the buttons?”

    (My son turns at looks at me, with a ‘help me’ expression. I walk over.)

    Me: “The buttons are over that way.”

    (My son and I look at each other and laugh. We then go to a second craft store.)

    Other Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where is the paint?”

    (Again I was able to point the woman in the right direction. My son vowed never again to shop while wearing that shirt.)

    Was Dying The First Time

    | Hampton, VA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a call center that takes calls for 800 numbers people see on psychic hotline commercials. The deal is we tell you the cost and then give the actual 900 number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl on the bed and my fish is dying! He’s just flopping around! What do I do?”

    Me: “Umm… what?”

    Caller: “My fish is dying! What do I do?”

    Me: “Put him in another bowl?”

    Caller: “Thank you! This will save him!” *laughs* “Sorry, man, just thought you might be able to use a laugh tonight.”

    Me: “Yeah, always appreciate that. Have a good one.”

    (Two calls later:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl and my fish is dying!”

    Me: “Dude, it’s me again.”

    Caller: “Oh, hey, isn’t that funny.”

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