This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.
(A bunch of young men are talking loudly in the bus and using a lot of expletives. They’re also with a female passenger who is apparently their friend and is black.)
Young Male Passenger #1: “Yeah, she’s such a f***ing b****.”
Young Male Passenger #2: “Because she’s a black c***!”
Young Female Passenger: “What?!”
Young Male Passenger #1: “Yeah!”
Young Male Passenger #2: “You black c***s can be f***ing—”
(At this moment, a boy of around age 7 gets on the bus. Hearing the rude conversation, the child immediately makes his way to the back of the bus and stands right in the middle of this group, as if challenging them to continue talking.)
Loud group: *stays completely silent for 5 seconds*
Young Male Passenger #1: “…Okay, never mind.”
Young Male Passenger #2: “Um… I meant… you black ladies are… pretty crazy. Yeah. Pretty crazy at times.”
(They stopped using offensive language after that, at least until the young boy’s parents called him back to sit with them!)
(I have just finished swimming at a public pool and am going to get changed. A woman in her early 40s is standing near my locker. I am wearing speedos, but I am 16 and slim so it doesn’t usually bother people.)
Woman: “You shouldn’t be wearing those.”
(She approaches me and points at my speedos.)
Woman: “You shouldn’t wear those trunks. They’re what gay people wear!”
Woman: “Are you gay?”
Me: “No, I’m not. I just find them comfortable to swim in.”
Woman: “Well, if you’re not gay, you shouldn’t be wearing them!”
(She then grabs the waistband of my speedos and tries to pull them down. Thankfully they’re tied tight. I slap her hands away.)
Me: “Woah, what the h***?!”
Woman: “You need to get them off or you’ll become gay!”
(The sound of her screaming draws the attention of a lifeguard, who wanders over.)
Lifeguard: “What’s going on here?”
Woman: “Get away from me!”
(The woman runs off, leaving me and the lifeguard to look at one another in confusion. I’ve now started swimming at a different pool!)
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 6
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 5
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End
(I’m working at a well-known family diner. I am one of the gayest men you might ever meet and am serving two elderly ladies.)
Me: “Hello, ladies! It is very nice to meet you. My name is [name]. You ladies look sharp today! What can I get you to drink?”
(I take their drink order, return just moments later, and take their food order. They are acting completely fine, until…)
Customer #1: “Here, honey, this is for you. You look like you need it.”
(She hands me a book on how homosexuality is inappropriate and an abomination. I have faced this before, so to avoid conflict I give them the following response.)
Me: “Oh, great! My girlfriend will love this!”
Customer #2: “Oh, nevermind, honey. You won’t need that, then! You never know where these homos are hiding now a days!”
(I start to tear a little bit. My manager happens to be gay as well and overhears this.)
Manager: “HEY! I do not ever want you to lie to a customer just to avoid a conflict! You are one of my best employees, and I will not have some bigoted customers putting you down. Ma’ams, I would greatly appreciate it if you left my establishment and do not return. If you cannot handle him as a gay man, then you do not deserve him as a straight man!”
Bigots Are Boneheads! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about bigoted customers!
- Going Bananas (5,891 thumbs up)
A sexist customer complaining about neutering gets neutered himself!
- A War Unwon (3,705 thumbs up)
A marine who fought abroad unfortunately learns that there are enemies at home, too.
- Time To Moooove To Another Cowllege (3,720 thumbs up)
Move over, racial and religious discrimination: introducing FARM discrimination!
- So Pho, So Crazy (3,932 thumbs up)
A Vietnamese supermarket employee has a run-in with a genocidal customer.
- Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood (3,345 thumbs up)
History is an absolute mystery for this boneheaded tourist!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(Note: I am left-handed. I’m working at a music store when the most wonderfully old-fashioned customer comes in.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am, welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”
Customer: “Oh… oh, my! Are you writing with your LEFT hand?” *pulls a cross on a necklace from under her shirt*
Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’ve always been left handed. Is there anything I can assist you with?”
Customer: *frantically waves the cross around* “I’m sorry. I can’t shop here. You lefties are so unnatural; I thought they stamped you all out in elementary school!”