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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    Your Bigotry Is Kilting Me

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I’m working at the entrance of a local heritage fair when a white pickup truck pulls up. The driver, a large middle-aged man, gets out and stomps towards my desk.)

    Customer: *slams his hands on the table* “What the f*** do you Mexicans think you’re doing?”

    Me: *confused* “Sir, we—”

    Customer: “Look, I don’t want you d*** w******* here in the first place. I want you all back over the border where you belong!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re being very offensive, and this is—”

    Customer: “But if you’re going to come to my godd*** country, you’re going to act like real Americans and not fly those f***ing Mexican flags and speak that s***-eating language, and you aren’t gonna celebrate being a bunch of f***ing foreigners!”

    Me: “Security to entrance!”

    Customer: *jumps back into his car and starts driving off* “Go back to Mexico!”

    (The racist driver never returned. The heritage event in question, by the way, was the Scottish Highland Games.)

    A Knight In Patrolling Armor

    | Costa Rica | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what is it?”

    Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

    Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

    Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

    Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

    Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

    Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

    Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

    (At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

    Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

    Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

    Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

    Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

    Me: “…Of course!”

    (The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)

    My Dog Thinks You’re Nuts

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bigotry, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a dog park, and I get to bring my Great Dane to work with me. Most of my regulars know and love my dog, and he has his own little fan club. My Dane is an obedience champion and has a vast vocabulary of verbal and hand signal commands, including “shake”. However, because of his height, if someone asks him to “shake”, they usually get smacked for their troubles. An unpleasant new visitor to the park begins making disparaging comments.)

    New Visitor: *to me* “Border Collies are a real man’s dog. If you aren’t smart enough for a collie, you get something like that!” *points at my dog*

    Me: “Excuse me, but that’s incredibly rude.”

    New Visitor: “See? What did I tell you? Only a stupid woman would own a stupid dog like that!”

    Regular #1: “Actually, that dog is brilliant.”

    New Visitor: “Whatever. I bet he doesn’t even know how to shake hands.”

    Regular #2: *smiles* “Oh, please try…”

    New Visitor: *to my Great Dane* “Shake!”

    My Great Dane: *smacks him in the crotch*

    Inde-fence-ible Behavior

    | New Hampshire, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Top

    (I am a customer at an outlet shoe store in the White Mountains region of New Hampshire. We often get French Canadians who come to New Hampshire for vacations and buy things here to avoid the high taxes they pay in Canada. Most of them speak perfectly fine English but some of them, particularly some of the older people can have some trouble. I speak French fluently, so I’m helping an elderly couple who is having trouble translating the sales signs.)

    Me: *in French* “It says that if you buy one pair of shoes, you get the second pair half off.”

    Elderly Customer: *in French* “Thank you. My English in not good, and some things just don’t translate well—”

    Other Customer: “Don’t do that!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Other Customer: “Don’t pander to them! If they want to live in this country, they should learn to speak English!”

    Me: “I think they are just visiting.”

    Other Customer: “Bulls***! Once they get into our country, they never leave! That’s why we need a fence.” *turns to the elderly couple* “Go back to Mexico!”

    Me: “They’re Canadian.”

    Other Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I heard you speaking Spanish!”

    Me: “That was French. Canada is a bilingual. Plenty of people in Canada speak French as their first language.”

    Other Customer: “We need a fence!”

    Me: “They are from Canada!”

    Other Customer: “We need TWO fences!”

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