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  • Casting The First Stone Cold Glare
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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    Driving The Point Home

    | Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

    Customer #1: “Man, that’s a nice car. I’d love to have it.”

    (I glance out the window and see my brother’s friend pull up to a gas pump in his ’69 Chevelle. He is a young black man. I am grinning as I turn to the two of them.)

    Me: “Don’t even ask if he’ll sell it to you, because he won’t do it.”

    Customer #2: “Hmph. I wonder how someone like him got a nice car like that.”

    Me: “His family brought it with them when they moved here from California. It was basically a piece of junk, but he restored it with his dad.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, is that so? How would you know?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s so. He’s a good guy, and happens to be one of my brother’s best friends. He and his cousin would come to our house all the time when we were in high school, and they’re both like brothers to me. I don’t like that you’re trying to imply he got that car by stealing it, or doing something illegal to get it, just because he’s black!”

    Customer #2: “Well, I… I… uh…”

    (Customer #2 leaves quickly. Customer #1 is left laughing.)

    Me: “Serves him right for being a bigot!”

    Those Who Don’t Read, Can’t Read The Signs

    | England | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am female. After leaving university, I have to cut my dreadlocks out to help me get a job. My hair is very short. My boyfriend and I enter a sandwich shop with our three-month-old son. They sit down while I go up to order, but there’s a bit of a queue. Two girls, also with very short hair, come in looking visibly upset and embarrassed. A few moments later, a group of very over-tanned girls come in, and join the queue. The other two short-haired girls try to avoid eye contact with them. One of the tanned girls approaches me.)

    Tanned Girl #1: “Hey you, they fancy you.”

    (She gestures over to the short-haired girls.)

    Me: “Okay?”

    Tanned Girl #2: “Do you fancy them?”

    Me: “Well no, I’m straight.”

    Tanned Girl #2: “You’re not straight at all!”

    Me: “I’m not?”

    (I call out to my boyfriend.)

    Me: “Hey, when did you become a girl?”

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “Well, according to these girls, I’m gay. So you must be a woman, and our son must be an immaculate conception. Either that, or these girls have their heads up their a****.”

    (The two shirt-haired girls begin to giggle.)

    Tanned Girl #3: “Wait, so you’re straight?”

    Me: “What was your first clue?”

    Tanned Girl #1: “But you’ve got short hair.”

    Me: “Yes I do, which we all know is natural penis repellent.”

    (Everyone in the shop is laughing.)

    Me: “Now, will you please leave me and these girls alone, and stop being homophobic?”

    Tanned Girl #2: “We’re not homophobic!”

    Me: “You tried to make fun of me because you thought I was gay. Judging by the looks on their faces when you came in, I’m going to guess you were making fun of these two earlier for the same reason. You tease people because they’re homosexuals, therefore you’re homophobic. Maybe if you pulled your heads out your a**** every once and a while, you could take a look in a dictionary.”

    Tanned Girl #2: “Books are for geeks and losers.”

    Me: “Wait, so you girls aren’t intellectual readers?”

    (Everyone in the shop is now laughing so much, that they’ve stopped serving people in order to calm down. The group of girls run out of the shop with their cheeks the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. The two girls are so happy with what I said to them, that they bought both me and my boyfriend lunch.)

    Reminder: Bigots Begone Themed Giveaway

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month
    Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
    Enter Not Always Right’s May Themed Story Giveaway:
    Bigots Begone!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about bigoted customers.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

    PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, June 5!

    Take A Humble Sip From The Dixie Cup

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am originally from Georgia, but am attending university in DC. Because of where I was raised, I have a noticeable southern accent. I work at a local sports bar to help pay my tuition, and am serving two young men.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get y’all something to drink?”

    (Customer #1 scoffs, and imitates me with an exaggerated accent.)

    Customer #1: “Yawwwwlll?”

    Customer #2: “If I wanted to star in Deliverance, I would’ve gone to Alabama!”

    Customer #1: “Man, I’m sick of you hicks coming up here! You guys should all stay south of the Mason-Dixon line!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, geographically, DC is south of the Mason-Dixon.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know? You probably dropped out of high school and married your baby mama at 16!”

    Me: “Actually, I graduated as valedictorian from my high school, and I currently study history at [prestigious university]. I’m getting my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees at the same time, and have a 4.0 GPA. I’m also gay, and have a long term boyfriend. So, no, I didn’t marry my ‘baby mama’.”

    (Both customers are speechless.)

    Me: “Now that I’m done breaking your archaic stereotypes, can I get y’all anything to drink?”

    Battle Of The Sexists

    | West Midlands, England, UK | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a male part time cleaner at my local leisure centre. One of my duties is to clean the toilets in reception. It is currently busy in reception, so I ensure that the female toilet is empty before putting up a sign warning customers that cleaning is in progress. As I leave the toilet with my arms full with mops, bleach, and disinfectant etc, a female customer is standing outside the door waiting.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you were waiting.”

    Customer: “What were you doing in there?”

    (I gesture to my arms that are full with cleaning products.)

    Me: “Just cleaning the area for you.”

    Customer: “But those are the female toilets!”

    Me: “I am aware of that, but it is part of my job to ensure all toilets are clean.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t a woman; you shouldn’t be in there!”

    Me: “There are no female cleaners on duty. I am the only cleaner here today, and the toilets need to be cleaned.”

    Customer: “Well that is unacceptable! Where is your manager? I am making a complaint!”

    (My manager is already in the reception area, so makes her way over.)

    Manager: “What is the problem?”

    Customer: “This man was in the female toilets.”

    Manager: “Well, the area does need to be cleaned regularly, and he is our cleaner.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a d*** what his job is! He should not be in the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “So, your complaint is that we have a male employee in the women’s toilets?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is!”

    Manager: “Would you rather the toilets were not cleaned?”

    Customer: “No, that would be stupid! Just get a woman cleaner!”

    Manager: “Then who would clean the male toilets?”

    Customer: “She can! But this pervert should be fired for going into the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “But, wouldn’t that make her just as bad as him?”

    Customer: “Oh, you are just being awkward now! P*** off and leave me alone!”

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