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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    Blood Type B(igot)

    | USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m in the waiting room at the ER, waiting for news about my girlfriend. There’s a very agitated patient at the counter with a cut on his hand, but he’s demanding to speak to a nurse before he gets any attention. )

    Patient: “I need to know if there’s any way to make sure I get the right kind of blood if I need a transfusion.”

    Hospital Employee: “Of course, we check your blood type and make sure we get a match. If you give a type A person type B blood, it can be very dangerous, so we have to be careful. But looking at your hand, I don’t think you’ll need—”

    Patient: “No no no! You filthy ingrate; you don’t understand! I want to make sure I don’t get no [racial slur] blood! You need to make sure that if I get a transfusion, it’s white blood!”

    (Everyone in the emergency room is staring at him. He turns around to glare at us all.)

    Patient: “What? You have no right to judge me! I have pride; that’s all that matters! If I want to keep my blood pure. These idiots need to make sure that happens!”

    Hospital Employee: “Sir, we don’t keep racial records on blood donors. Nor do the blood banks. We make sure there are no blood-borne illnesses, and that the typing matches.”

    Patient: “That isn’t good enough! I ain’t getting no [racial slur] blood, you hear me?”

    Hospital Employee: “Again, sir, looking at this injury, you shouldn’t need a transfusion. You’d literally have to have someone come in and donate blood to you.”

    Patient: *to me* “You! You’re white! What blood type are you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I couldn’t, in good conscience, save the life of a bigot.”

    (Everybody applauds, but the man actually passes out. They stitch up his hand, and unsurprisingly, he doesn’t need blood.)

    Discrimi(nation)

    | Canada | Bigotry, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a museum which features a large permanent exhibit of local First Nations artefacts, living spaces, and other historical paraphernalia. Because of this, we offer free admission to First Nations patrons. I have just finished printing tickets for two First Nations women. The next woman in line is Caucasian.)

    Woman: “Did they just get in for free?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Me: “They’re First Nations. We offer free admission to those with status cards.”

    Woman: “But that’s outrageous! I have to play $15, and they get in free just because they’re lazy natives?”

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Woman: “It’s not our fault they spend all their money on booze and can’t afford the museum! Why should they get in for free?”

    Me: “Ma’am! This museum features artefacts that were at one time stolen from the local bands. They are now put on display in exhibits of cultural history, of which the museum now makes a profit. You think we should charge the members of the culture it was stolen from to come see it?”

    Woman: “Yes!”

    Racism Comes In Many Languages

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am standing behind a woman at a supermarket. Of the two cashiers available, one is of Asian descent and speaking in what seems to be Chinese to some customers. The other appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, whose customer is speaking very loudly and slowly.)

    Woman: “Do you understand what I’m saying? I want this in a separate bag.”

    Cashier: “Certainly, ma’am. I can definitely speak—”

    Woman: “—it’s like they don’t even cater for English speakers! Not a proper American in sight!”

    (The woman then spots me, a white guy in my late 20s.)

    Woman: “You’d know what I mean! Eh?”

    Me: “I’m an Australian tourist here visiting friends, et Je crois que vous ‘tes conasse raciste.”

    (“I think you’re a racist b****”, in French.)

    Woman: “UGH!”

    A Colorful Comeback

    | Marietta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am getting ready to check out a customer. The only other customers present are a large African American family. My customer is a middle aged Caucasian woman. She leans forward, and motions to me as if she wants to tell me a secret.)

    Customer: “There are black people behind you.”

    Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You have to watch out for them, you know.”

    (I step back and stare, not knowing exactly how to respond to this. My quick thinking coworker walks by.)

    Coworker: “Their money is the exact same color as your money.”

    Customer: “What!… Well… I…”

    (She leaves her merchandise on the counter and exits the store in a huff.)

    Of All The Reasons For A Cause To Give You Pause

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a call center for a cancer charity. I generally speak to donors and volunteers that are very supportive of our mission.)

    Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “Are you a Muslim organization?”

    Me: “Uh, no we are not.”

    Caller: “Are you some kind of terrorist?”

    Me: “No, of course not.”

    Caller: “Well, I saw the bumper-sticker for your event, and it uses that d*** Muslim symbol with the moon and star.”

    Me: “Oh… I can see why you might misunderstand. There is some similarity between the Muslim star and crescent, and the logo we use for our fundraising events. See, the event is a relay that goes on for 24 hours. It has a sun, moon, and star to symbolize that the fight against cancer goes on, day and night.”

    Caller: “Where’d you get the idea for that!?”

    Me: “The… sky?”

    Caller: “I bet you have Muslims in your organization!”

    Me: “Well, we do not discriminate on the basis of creed or race, and we are quite a large organization. I assume we do have some Muslims.”

    Caller: “Well… you shouldn’t use that d*** Muslim symbol! You’re confusing people!”

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