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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    Bigots Don’t Get A Discount

    | Germany | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at the ticket office of a museum. Tickets are €4 for children, and €6 for adults. We also have a family ticket for €17. A mother with two children comes in.)

    Customer: “I’d like a family ticket for me and my kids.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’d actually be cheaper to buy three separate tickets.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to tell me we’re not a family just because I’m a single mum? I can’t believe you’re discriminating against single parents!”

    Me: “I’d never. In fact, I was raised by a single mother myself.”

    Customer: “What if a gay couple came in with two children? Would you give them a family ticket?”

    Me: “Yes, I would, because it’s a better deal for them.”

    Customer: “So, those fancy rainbow families get a discount, but a hard-working single mum of two who can hardly make ends meet doesn’t?”

    (Before I can respond, the customer grabs her children and storms off.)

    Blood Type B(igot)

    | USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m in the waiting room at the ER, waiting for news about my girlfriend. There’s a very agitated patient at the counter with a cut on his hand, but he’s demanding to speak to a nurse before he gets any attention. )

    Patient: “I need to know if there’s any way to make sure I get the right kind of blood if I need a transfusion.”

    Hospital Employee: “Of course, we check your blood type and make sure we get a match. If you give a type A person type B blood, it can be very dangerous, so we have to be careful. But looking at your hand, I don’t think you’ll need—”

    Patient: “No no no! You filthy ingrate; you don’t understand! I want to make sure I don’t get no [racial slur] blood! You need to make sure that if I get a transfusion, it’s white blood!”

    (Everyone in the emergency room is staring at him. He turns around to glare at us all.)

    Patient: “What? You have no right to judge me! I have pride; that’s all that matters! If I want to keep my blood pure. These idiots need to make sure that happens!”

    Hospital Employee: “Sir, we don’t keep racial records on blood donors. Nor do the blood banks. We make sure there are no blood-borne illnesses, and that the typing matches.”

    Patient: “That isn’t good enough! I ain’t getting no [racial slur] blood, you hear me?”

    Hospital Employee: “Again, sir, looking at this injury, you shouldn’t need a transfusion. You’d literally have to have someone come in and donate blood to you.”

    Patient: *to me* “You! You’re white! What blood type are you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I couldn’t, in good conscience, save the life of a bigot.”

    (Everybody applauds, but the man actually passes out. They stitch up his hand, and unsurprisingly, he doesn’t need blood.)

    Discrimi(nation)

    | Canada | Bigotry, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a museum which features a large permanent exhibit of local First Nations artefacts, living spaces, and other historical paraphernalia. Because of this, we offer free admission to First Nations patrons. I have just finished printing tickets for two First Nations women. The next woman in line is Caucasian.)

    Woman: “Did they just get in for free?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Me: “They’re First Nations. We offer free admission to those with status cards.”

    Woman: “But that’s outrageous! I have to play $15, and they get in free just because they’re lazy natives?”

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Woman: “It’s not our fault they spend all their money on booze and can’t afford the museum! Why should they get in for free?”

    Me: “Ma’am! This museum features artefacts that were at one time stolen from the local bands. They are now put on display in exhibits of cultural history, of which the museum now makes a profit. You think we should charge the members of the culture it was stolen from to come see it?”

    Woman: “Yes!”

    Racism Comes In Many Languages

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am standing behind a woman at a supermarket. Of the two cashiers available, one is of Asian descent and speaking in what seems to be Chinese to some customers. The other appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, whose customer is speaking very loudly and slowly.)

    Woman: “Do you understand what I’m saying? I want this in a separate bag.”

    Cashier: “Certainly, ma’am. I can definitely speak—”

    Woman: “—it’s like they don’t even cater for English speakers! Not a proper American in sight!”

    (The woman then spots me, a white guy in my late 20s.)

    Woman: “You’d know what I mean! Eh?”

    Me: “I’m an Australian tourist here visiting friends, et Je crois que vous ‘tes conasse raciste.”

    (“I think you’re a racist b****”, in French.)

    Woman: “UGH!”

    A Colorful Comeback

    | Marietta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am getting ready to check out a customer. The only other customers present are a large African American family. My customer is a middle aged Caucasian woman. She leans forward, and motions to me as if she wants to tell me a secret.)

    Customer: “There are black people behind you.”

    Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You have to watch out for them, you know.”

    (I step back and stare, not knowing exactly how to respond to this. My quick thinking coworker walks by.)

    Coworker: “Their money is the exact same color as your money.”

    Customer: “What!… Well… I…”

    (She leaves her merchandise on the counter and exits the store in a huff.)


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