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  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    A (Religiously) Extreme Reaction

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Religion

    (Our inbound services take calls for a lot of the as-seen-on-TV products. I am working there soon after 9/11 and we have a particular caller who would often call to rant about how we were a scam.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Why the h*** would I want to buy a thing of Charlton Heston reading the Bible? Do you know what kind of a man he is?”

    Me: “You’re calling for the ‘Charlton Heston Reads the Bible’ then, sir?”

    Caller: “H***, yes, I’m calling about that. I want to know what sort of d*** outfit you’re running there that you think I’d want to buy a thing of Heston reading the Bible.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t say what you would like, sir, but a lot of people seem to like this product. It has been fairly popular. Possibly because Charlton Heston played Moses in The Ten Commandments.”

    Caller: “Like h*** he did! And like h*** this is popular. Didn’t you know that Charlton Heston was part of the NRA!”

    Me: “Yes, I was aware of that.”

    Caller: “Then why the hell would anyone let him read the Bible? You know, I’ll bet he was working with this Al Qaeda people!”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m fairly certain that Charlton Heston is affiliated with an entirely separate group of religious extremists.”

    (I somehow never got written up for this.)

    God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I’m a manager at a technology store and a lesbian. There are two men holding hands and giving each other little kisses every now and then, a woman who is trying her hardest not to look at them, and a mother and her five- or six-year-old daughter, all waiting in line. The two men get to the register.)

    Man #1: “Hi, we were wondering if you do wedding registry here?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we don’t. But my wife and I found when we were doing our wedding registry stuff that if you find a shop that doesn’t do a registry, just write down the SKU numbers so people can come in and—”

    Woman: “Come on, none of us have time to be dealing with your little gay pride bulls***! None of you should be getting married anyway. It’s a sin!”

    (I start to open my mouth, but the little girl stomps her foot and gives the woman the meanest look I have ever seen.)

    Little Girl: “That’s not nice! You say you’re sorry, right now!”

    (The woman is taken aback, but is not done with her rant.)

    Woman: “I will not apologize to sinners! What they are doing is wrong! God hates people like—”

    Little Girl: “No! Girls can like girls and boys can like boys. If God wanted boys and girls only to like each other then he would have made them only like each other! And don’t you know God loves everyone, even boys who like boys?!”

    (The woman and the little girl look at each other for a good 10 seconds until the woman drops her items on the floor and storms out. The mother, the gay couple, and I are all speechless. Like a total boss the little girl takes the expensive robotic toy from her mother and walks to the counter.)

    Little Girl: “I want this, please!”

    Man #2: “My soon to be husband and I would like to pay for that.”

    Me: “And wouldn’t you know it, we give 50% discounts to amazing little girls here!”

    Hard Of Hearing For Hard Customers

    | Wichita Falls, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I’m deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other. Since I’ve been like this all my life, I’ve learned to adjust as well as I could. I have a habit of tilting my head and leaning in with my good ear. Most people don’t say anything or don’t even notice. I was serving this customer when this happened.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a…” *mumbles while looking down*

    Me: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t catch that.”

    Customer: *looks annoyed and mumbles it again*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I’m hard of hearing, and I just can’t catch what you’re saying. Would you speak up just a bit, again I’m sorry.”

    (She finally looks up and rolls her eyes.)

    Customer: “What, they actually hire you people now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “If you can’t hear like a normal person then you shouldn’t be working!”

    Me: *starting to get upset* “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I like working, and since I can work, I’d rather do that than go on disability.”

    Customer: “Well since you can work just soooo well, then I guess you heard my order. And I’m not repeating it.”

    Me: “I didn’t hear it ma’am, and I don’t really want to just take a guess at your order.”

    Customer: *very loudly* “Then get me another server, you freak!”

    (Luckily my manager overheard and escorted her out, telling her not to come back. Thankfully, most people are actually really nice about it, and will just speak up.)

    Don’t Lose Shut-Eye Over A Bad Eye

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I’m considered legally blind. I can see, but not well enough to drive, etc. I also have to look very closely when reading, especially small print. It’s something I was born with, so now at age 24 I joke around about it, even with customers, unless, like this guy, you’re a d***head. His credit card won’t read so I’m keying in the numbers manually, and he notices how closely I’m reading.)

    Customer: “I’m surprised they let you work the cash.”

    Me: “They’ve even made me a cashier supervisor, but why do you say that?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, because of your eyes.”

    Me: “What about them?”

    Customer: “Well you have to look so close.”

    Me: “And this is a problem?”

    Customer: “Well… umm…”

    Me: “Tell you what, if you ever see me driving a forklift in the store, then you can comment about my eyes. Until then, don’t lose any sleep over it.”

    The Purple Flower Eater

    | USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

    Manager: *answering phone* “[Complex Manager]’s office. This is [Manager].”

    Resident: “Someone dug up my flowers! The purple ones! It’s because purple is the gay color. They think I’m gay, and they hate me, so they dug up my flowers!”

    Manager: “Slow down, [Resident]. Who dug up your flowers?”

    Resident: “People who hate me because they think I’m gay!”

    Manager: “O… kay. When did you plant these flowers?”

    Resident: “Yesterday. I had that row of white flowers, and I planted the purple ones in between. It went white, purple, white, purple. But they only dug up the purple ones!”

    Manager: “Did you do anything special when you planted the purple ones?”

    Resident: “Well, yes. I put some fish pieces in the soil because I heard that it was supposed to help the plants grow.”

    Manager: “… [Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.”

    Resident: “What? No, that can’t be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn’t do that.”

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