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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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    Category: Bigotry

    This category is dedicated to the bottom rung of humanity at its worst — racists, homophobes, and other bigots — and, occasionally, employees at their finest.

    Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I and my girlfriend work at the same restaurant, I’m the head chef and she’s the manager. We’re both women and although we don’t hide our relationship, we don’t flaunt it either. My girlfriend has finished for the day and the owner has come in to cover her. She comes into the kitchen to say goodbye to everyone and kisses me (a very brief kiss on the lips) then leaves. Five minutes later the owner comes in to me to say a complaint has been made by a customer regarding a ‘lesbionic’ relationship.)

    Owner: “This woman’s being a right b**** about it, saying she won’t pay for her meal, it ruined her night, it’s blasphemous, and everyone’s going to Hell.”

    Me: “She’s one of those. I’ll go deal with her.”

    (I go to the customer and introduce myself as the head chef. She’s about 30, expensively dressed (her dress looks silk but the belt, collar, & cuffs are sequined), lots of jewellery, and a tattoo on her ankle of rosary beads. She’s with a man a little older that her, clean shaven, short back and sides hair cut.)

    Customer: “The food was delicious. Are you in charge? Do you know you have lesbians in your kitchen? Maybe you should tell them not everyone wants to see that sort of thing. It’s terribly upsetting and offensive to my religious beliefs.”

    (I have done my fair share of reading on the subject of homosexuality and the Bible, so I have an answer well prepared for people like her.)

    Me: “Have you read the Bible? Timothy 2:9 says ‘I want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not adorning themselves with gold or pearls or expensive clothes.’ That’s some nice jewellery you’re wearing. It also says, Leviticus 19:19 ‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.’ Your silk dress is beautiful, as are the collar and cuffs. In a different material. It also says Leviticus 19:28 ‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves.’ I like your rosary tattoo. It also says Leviticus 19:27 ‘Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.’ Your husband looks very smart tonight. It also says Leviticus 11:8 ‘You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.’ And Leviticus 11:10 ‘And all that have not fins and scales in the seas and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.” I believe they refer to pork and shellfish. How was your ‘surf & turf?’ We only use the best pork sausages and finest lobster.”

    (The man sits there with his head bowed but the woman stares at me with pure hatred.)

    Me: “Now, I don’t know about you but it seems silly that you are willing to overlook all those sins about yourself and focus on one thing that isn’t even mentioned in the Bible. If I was as judgemental as you I would say you only kicked up a fuss to get out of paying for you meal. But that’s like stealing. I’ll send a waitress over with your bill.”

    (I went back to cooking. I could hear a couple of other customers laughing at the woman. The husband paid, leaving a big tip. I could see them outside having what looked like a pretty good argument!)

    Pretty In Pink-Orange

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Holidays

    (Last year I dyed my hair bright red, and by October it was starting to fade out to a pink-orange. I was used to getting a lot of comments about my hair and most were positive so I was taken by surprise when I was ringing up an older customer a few days before Halloween.)

    Husband: “Is that your real hair?”

    Me: “Yes. it is.”

    Husband: “Well. I like it. It’s nice. You look very pretty.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (His wife looks at him with a face that says she doesn’t appreciate him complimenting me.)

    Husband: *to his wife* “Well, she’s Halloween pretty, anyway.”

    Me: “…here’s your receipt. Have a nice night…”

    (My manager and I still haven’t figured out if I should take that as a compliment or insult, yet.)

    Pig-Headed Over Halal

    | Australia | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (I’m re-stocking shelves in the pet food aisle in, when a lady angrily shoves a pig’s ear (a type of dog treat) at me.)

    Customer: “Where is this made?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but it usually says so on the packaging.”

    Customer: “I bet it’s not Australian-made.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if it is it usually states it on the packaging itself. Australian-made is a pretty big deal to local companies, so they like to put it on there if it is.”

    (I take the pig’s ear and sure enough it is made locally in the state we are in, by a local company.)

    Me: “Made right here in South Australia. Right there.”

    Customer: “I bet it has that disgusting Halal certification crap all over it too! You know your company supports terrorism by allowing this Muslim garbage all over our food. And us customers have to pay for it!”

    Me: “You are aware that Muslims are forbidden to eat pork, right? And that this is a pork dog treat? For animals, right?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t matter. Your company supports terrorism by allowing Halal on it’s products.”

    Me: “Be sure to inform your dog of his choice then, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    (She angrily shoved the locally-made, obviously not-Halal certified, pork dog treat back on the shelf and stormed off.)

    Are Jew Crazy?!

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Holidays, Religion

    (It’s mid-morning on Black Friday. A jovial customer comes in, hits on the young lady I’m ringing out, and then walks around the counter after being rejected. He sees my coworker.)

    Customer: “Hey! Hey, man. Are you Jewish?”

    Coworker: “What? No?”

    Customer: “Oh, good. So you’re American!”

    Coworker: “…what?”

    (The customer then quite happily left the store.)

    Welsh Excuse Me

    | Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “WHY ARE ALL YOUR TOWN NAMES STUPID? CAN’T YOU SPELL?!”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t shout. The town names around here are in Welsh, because you’re in Wales. I’m sorry if this offends you.”

    Customer: “It’s not just offensive. It’s f***ing stupid!”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t swear. The town names are part of our unique history. They tell us about our heritage.

    Customer: Well your heritage f***ing sucks.

    Me: Sir, can I actually help you with anything, or did you just come here to tell us that you don’t like Wales?

    Customer: You all need to be more English. *leaves*

    Coworker: Well… at least you didn’t need to ask him to leave!

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