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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Guaranteed To Shut Anyone Up

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

    (I am an EFL teacher and self-published writer. I am an English major and in several classes focusing on the history and structure of the English language. I am paying my way by working at a call center. I get a caller who sounds reasonably educated.)

    Caller: “I want you to tell me if there is a guarantee on this product.”

    Me: “I know, sir, but to cont—”

    Caller: “Tell me about the guarantee before we get anywhere else.”

    Me: “I’ve given you the information on my sidebar, sir. To get further details I need to advance the screen so can you just give me your name—”

    Caller: “Just tell me about the guarantee! Guarantee: Latin for get your money back!”

    Me: “Latinate.”

    Caller: “Pardon me?”

    Me: “It’s Latinate, not Latin. We acquired it from the French. Probably Parisian French but I’m not sure in that. Warranty actually comes from the same word, but Norman French has the W sound and other types of French don’t usually. Probably because the Normans were a bunch of Norse Viking types the French gave some land to in order not to be pillaged. The Normans invaded and conquered England and tried to obliterate the English language but only managed to get a bunch of words added. When the English invaded and conquered France a couple of hundred years later, they got the Parisian version of the word with the GU sound. This is why warranty has a more official and stronger meaning than guarantee.”

    Caller: “Uh…”

    Me: “Now, I have a specific script the client requires us to read about the guarantee. It is important that I read precisely the words they chose without interpretation. To get to that script, I need to process the first screen as if I am taking an order. I am not allowed to read from memory. If you choose not to order, then I just cancel it out and there is no order placed. Can I get your information now, sir?”

    Caller: *much calmer* “All right…”

    Demanding Bacon And Acting Like A Pig

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working drive-thru just before close, and my dad and little sisters are waiting in the dining room for me to finish. My brother also works with me. A customer pulls up; I notice him and his friends are all drinking alcohol.)

    Customer: “Can I please have a burger with bacon?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    (Customer pays and drives to the last window, which I let the manager know over the headset he is drinking and may want to inform the police. As this is my last car, I go and get changed and head home. I walk past the drive-thru window and start to head to the dining room.)

    Customer: “Oi! You! I said I wanted f***ing bacon!”

    (Clearly intoxicated, he gets out of his car and JUMPS through the drive-thru window with his beer and burger, where my manager and brother try and grab him. He smashes the beer over my manager’s head and into the fry station. My dad quickly calls the police and ambulance and grabs the guy. His friends drive off leaving him there, with my dad holding him down. Meanwhile, the manager has recovered and walks over to my dad.)

    Manager: “Thanks, mate! You can have a free meal for your whole family next time you’re in here!”

    One Word Republic

    | Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40′s approaches my register.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

    Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

    (I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

    Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!’”

    (I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

    A Cleaner With A Dirty Attitude

    | MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (The store that I work at tunes up vacuum cleaners for customers. The policy is that we service the machines on a first come, first serve basis and any use of a non-commercial model voids the warranty. A customer comes in to pick up her vacuum.)

    Customer: “What the f*** took you people so long! And what the f*** makes you think I’m going to pay for this s***?! My machine is still under warranty! I’m not paying for s***! You motherf****ers can kiss my a** if you think I am!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop swearing at me. I haven’t cursed at you, and I’ll ask you to extend me the same courtesy.”

    Customer: “F*** you! I’m not swearing! And even if I was, I have a right! It took you f***ing forever to get me this f***ing machine, and I need it for my business!”

    Me: “Ma’am, in the first place all machines are serviced on a first come first serve basis and we actually got your machine back two days earlier than promised. In the second place, you’ve just admitted that you use it in your business and the warranty clearly states that use of that machine for commercial purposes voids the warranty. So, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to request that you pay for all service done before I release the machine to you.”

    Customer: “F*** you! I shouldn’t have to wait! I spend money here! Everyone knows that if you spend money you get to go first! And I’m not paying for s***! I clean nice houses with this machine! It’s not like I’m working down in some n**** neighborhood cleaning rent assistance places because those f***ing crack w****s don’t know how to pick up after themselves!”

    (She then stands in the middle of the store screaming the f-word at me repeatedly. When she finally pauses for breath, another customer who has been waiting her turn gets her attention.)

    Other Customer: “Excuse me. Did I hear you say you clean houses for a living?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I clean nice houses. Why?”

    Other Customer: “Do you have any business cards? I’ve been looking for a service and several of my friends have too.”

    (The first customer gives me a smug look and hands the other customer several cards, which she examines and tucks in her purse.)

    Other Customer: “Thank you. I just wanted to make sure no one I knew hired you by mistake. Now pay for your repairs before I call the police and tell them there’s a crazy person going berserk in the vacuum store.”

    (The first customer pays, calls me several more choice names and leaves. When I ring up the other customer who told her off, I somehow manage to ‘accidentally’ hit the warranty key on all her repairs, and send her home with a couple of the homemade cookies I had made for my coworkers.)

    Fowl About The Chicken

    | LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I’m in the food court of the mall standing in line to get something from one of the food stalls there, one of only two known to serve chicken exclusively. There is a customer in front of me with a meal box from the other stall.)

    Cashier #1: *to the customer* “Hi, welcome to [restaurant's name]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “You idiots screwed up my order!” *thrusts box out at the cashier* “I’m supposed to get fries and coleslaw with this meal but I only have chicken and bread!”

    (He sees the box but begins stammering, trying not to upset her by telling her she’s not at the right stall.)

    Cashier #1: “I’m so sorry ma’am, but… well…”

    Customer: “Fix it! I want my fries and slaw!”

    Cashier #2: “Ma’am, the box you’re holding has [other restaurant's name] on it.”

    Customer: “I know that!”

    Cashier #2: “Would you mind taking a step back and reading the sign above our stall?”

    (The customer steps back, almost hitting me, and reads out loud the restaurant’s name.)

    Customer: “And? What’s all this for? Fix my order!”

    Cashier #2: “Ma’am, you’re at the wrong restaurant. [Other restaurant's name] is across the food court. They can fix your order.”

    (By now everyone in line, including me, is waiting to see if she’ll apologize for getting them mixed up.)

    Customer: “You’re all useless!” *stomps off with her food*

    Cashier #1: “I tried to be nice, I really did…”

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