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    Category: Bad Behavior

    There Is No Analog For This Conversation

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work for a large cable company that has recently switch a few stations from analog to digital format, freeing up space for more channels and internet bandwidth. I work at one of the retail stores where customers can pick up adapters to get the channels back.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Where the f*** did Lifetime go?”

    Me: “Oh! You must be talking about our digital switch over. Basically, we’ve switched these channels over and we’re giving out these adapters to get them instead, and they’re free until 2015.”

    Customer: “Why would you do this anyway? You people are always doing this; you’re always trying to screw the customer!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, this is to allow for more channels, faster internet speeds, and future technologies as we get them, so it’s really for your benefit.”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The internet is for the devil! I won’t use it!”

    Me: “Well… I know that a lot of other people use the internet for business and school and for other good purposes, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to pick up your adapter today?”

    Customer: “No, I think I’m just going to get dish. You charge too much anyway. How does that dish work?”

    (I play it cool, and explain how it works and the differences between the services as unbiased as I can be.)

    Customer: “Ok, I’ll have to think about it all. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everyone’s screwing me over. I’m going to be dead soon, did you know that I was dying? Yep, I won’t be here next year. Then when I was pulling in here that a**hole cut me off. Can you believe the nerve? He almost killed me? I f***ing flipped him off. I wish he’d tried following me. I’d have shown him something if he started following me. Just like those d*** kids going 80 miles an hour down my road!”

    (This continues for another 10 minutes without pause. However, at the end of everything she got everything off her chest and I actually got a smile out of her at the end! I claim victory.)

    Fresh Bread, Stale Attitude

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a piroshky bakery and have just started my morning shift. A customer comes in with a very obnoxious, self-important attitude.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir! What can I get for you today?”

    Self-important Customer: “What’s your freshest thing?”

    Me: “Well, we just opened so everything is fresh out of the oven. I could warm one up if it’s not warm enough for you.”

    Self-important Customer: *shakes his head* “No, I don’t want it warmed up.”

    (He looks behind me to our rack where we put our piroshkies until we need to set them out.)

    Self-important Customer: *points to rack* “What’s that there on the top?”

    Me: “Those are our potato mushrooms, sir, although they’ve been out of the oven about the same time as our others so it’d be easier if I just got you one from—”

    Self-important Customer: “No, I want one from back there.”

    (I mentally sigh but go ahead and do as he asks since it’s a slow morning and there’s only a couple people in line. I turn to grab his order but he stops me.)

    Self-important Customer: “Wait!” *points at rack again* “What are those?”

    (There are at least 7 different types of piroshkies on the rack.)

    Me: “Um, which ones, sir?”

    Self-important Customer: “Those ones!”

    (I look at him quizzically.)

    Self-important Customer: “The ones on the second row!”

    Me: “Oh, those are our Moscows. They’ve got Bavarian cream and Cream of Wheat in it which gives it—”

    Self-important Customer: “I’ll take one of those.”

    (We haven’t set one out yet, so my supervisor has to take out the whole pan and sprinkle powdered sugar on it. I grab everything for him and bag it up.)

    Me: “All right, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

    Self-important Customer: “No, that’ll be all.”

    (He pays and leaves. I run through a couple more customers until I get to a young guy.)

    Young Guy: *saunters up to the counter* “Hey so, uh, what’s the freshest thing you got here?”

    Me: “Pretty much everything just came out the oven.”

    Young Guy: “Yeah, but I want really fresh, and like, potato mushroom.”

    (I sort of stare at him then move to grab a potato mushroom. He starts laughing.)

    Young Guy: “I’m just kidding with you, man. Did you see that guy?” *begins to imitate him* “I want the freshest thing you got!” *goes back to normal* “You’re in a bakery in the morning, man, everything’s fresh!”

    (At this point everyone in the bakery is laughing. I get his order, still chuckling, and bag everything up for him.)

    Me: “That’s going to be [price], please.”

    (He pays and my supervisor steps up.)

    Supervisor: “Wait, give him one for free. That was too funny!”

    Moms Can Be Stock-Blockers

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (Shortly after moving out of my parent’s house, my cell phone breaks. Since the contract hasn’t yet expired, I’m still on their old plan, so my mother needs to come with me to get a replacement. She’s not a nice woman.)

    Mom: “We saw this model phone online and we’re interested in buying it.”

    (My mom shows a printout to the sales girl.)

    Sales Girl: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have this model in our store. But we have this one that’s very similar.”

    (The sales girl shows us a nearly identical phone for only a few dollars more.)

    Me: “Does this come with only [features I want], and would I have to worry about [features I don't want]?”

    Sales Girl: “Yep! It’s nearly the same; it just has a different sized screen and more memory.”

    (We continue talking about the cellphone, with the sales girl answering my questions very nicely and politely.)

    Mom: “No! We want this phone! Go get it! You have it in stock somewhere!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m very sorry; we just don’t have this one. Not anywhere in our stock. We haven’t in some time.”

    Mom: “That’s stupid! It was on your website! You’re supposed to have it!”

    Sales Girl: “It does say that not all stores will stock all models. I’m very sorry. If you like, I can call around and see if anyone has it, and they can have it here in a few days. It is a slightly older model, though, so I can’t make any promises.”

    Mom: “No! I live out of town; I’m only here until tomorrow!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m sorry. Like I said, this one is almost the same, just an updated model.”

    Mom: “I just think it’s very dishonest of you to advertise one thing on your site and then try and scam us into a more expensive phone here.”

    (Bear in mind, I’m the one paying for the new phone and the difference is all of about $10.)

    Sales Girl: “Well, like I said, right here on the page it says in bold italics that not all models will be available in all stores.”

    Mom: “Fine, then! But I’ll be sending a complaint about this! You’re extremely dishonest!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m really very, very sorry…”

    (As I check out and pay, I shake the sales girl hand and thank her for her help. In doing so, I pass her a note that reads: ‘I’m sorry she’s treating you that way. I understand what that feels like and you did your job very well. It’s not you, she’s always like that. This is why I moved out.’)

    Judging A Book Search By Its Cover

    | USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m a volunteer at my local library. I see a woman looking at our Young Adult section with a confused look on her face.)

    Me: “Excuse me, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: *rudely* “Ugh, yes, finally! Someone is here to help. I’ve been searching for 15 minutes for a book for my daughter. She’s been wanting to read it for ages!”

    Me: “Well, if you can just give me the title and the author I can check if we have it in right now or if it’s currently checked out.”

    Customer: “Thank god someone’s doing their job around here. It’s [name of book] by [author].”

    (Before I even start typing, I realize why she isn’t finding the book, but I’ve barely begun explaining before she cuts me off.)

    Me: “Oh, I see what the problem is—”

    Customer: “Aren’t you even going to look up the book!? Every time I’ve come here, you people are incompetent! I can’t believe they pay you people any money at all!”

    Me: “Well, actually miss, I don’t receive a salary because I’m a volunteer and—”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me!? It’s no wonder you’ve been no help!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I know where the book you’re looking for is.”

    Customer: “What? I can’t believe this! You little brat! What are you trying to do, waste my entire day?”

    Me: “No, I’m very sorry to inconvenience you, but I’ve tried to tell you where the book is twice when, both times, you interrupted me.”

    Customer: “You little b****! That’s it! I’m leaving and I won’t ever be checking out any more books! Without me, you’ll go out of business! I’ll just go get the f***ing book at [chain bookstore]. We’ll see how you like that, huh!”

    (At this point, the customer storms out of the library. Hearing the lady cursing and yelling, the library manager comes out of his office asking what happened. I explain the situation.)

    Manager: “Well, where is the book? How did you know where it was without looking it up in the system?”

    Me: “I’m the one who checked it out.”

    Hoodlums Get Hoodwinked

    | USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m working the night shift. The only customers are a couple in their late-teens or early twenties. While they’re browsing the shelves a couple of younger teenagers walk in with sagging pants and sideways hats, swearing loudly.)

    Teen #1: “Yo, motherf***er! Look at this piece of s*** they call a f***ing cheeseburger.”

    Teen #2: “That’s f***ing f***ed up, bro!”

    (They continue this until the girl walks up and taps one of them on the shoulder.)

    Girl: “Hey, sweetie. Remember me?”

    Teen #1: “I bet I f***ed you all night long and you’ve come back for more, b****.”

    Girl: *laughing* “Not quite. I graduated from [local high school] with your sister last year. I remember you when you were in diapers.”

    Teen #1: “I ain’t wearing no f***ing diapers no more.”

    Girl: “Yeah, but you still act like it.”

    (She then proceeds to pull his pants up and turn his hat right. While she’s doing this a pack of cigarettes falls from his hoodie, which she takes.)

    Girl: “I bet your mom would love to hear about this. I’ll be sure to inform her when I see you guys at mass tomorrow.”

    Teen #1: *goes pale and flees with Teen #2 from the store*

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