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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Victim Of A Crazy Mugging

    | QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (We have a staff rest/break room near the bathrooms. Customers accidentally walk into it all the time, so we get a very big sign that says ‘Staff Only, Please Do Not Enter’. One day, I hear several very loud noises coming from the staff break room. I go to investigate.)

    Me: “Is everything okay in here?”

    (I look around to utter chaos. Tea and coffee has been thrown all around the room. Milk has been poured on the counter, and the water jug is on the floor. Oddest of all, the fridge door is wide open, and the shelves have been neatly removed and stacked on top of the table. In the middle of all of it is sitting a very well-dressed middle aged woman. She is sipping coffee out of my personal coffee mug.)

    Me: “I.. um… excuse me, ma’am?”

    (She looks up with a lovely smile, and goes back to sipping coffee.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to… um—”

    (She stares at me for a very long time, then goes back to her coffee.)

    Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, ma’am. This is a staff only area.”

    (She smiles, and starts talking in a very fake British accent.)

    Customer: “Oh, you know. I just wanted a coffee.”

    Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to take it outside of this room. It’s for staff only.”

    Customer: “But… my coffee?”

    Me: “It’s okay, take it around the shop with you. I’ll even put it into a take-away cup for you.”

    (I offer to take back my mug. Her smile turns to a horrible scowl.)

    Customer: “MY cup!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s mine. Now, I need you to leave this area before I call security.”

    Customer: “Oh!”

    (Smiling again, she gets up and walks out of the room. She then turns around, shrieks, and hurls the cup at me, where it smashes at my feet.)

    Customer: “MY CUP! MY COFFEE!”

    (I call security. She goes on a rampage, trying to smash everything in sight. She even bites the security guard. They have to call the police, because they can’t restrain her. I guess some people really do need coffee to be human.)

    The A(dobo) Team

    | Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

    Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

    (The customer gets angry.)

    Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

    Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

    Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

    Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

    (My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

    Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

    (My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

    Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

    Sister: “Shut up…”

    Who Does She Sink She Is

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

    (I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)

    Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”

    (My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)

    Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”

    Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”

    Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”

    Woman:Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”

    Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”

    Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”

    He Already Has Enough Issues

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners

    (One of my co-workers is checking out a couple.)

    Cashier: “Alright, so your total is [total].”

    (The wife starts paying with debit. Her husband is scanning our magazines at the side of the till.)

    Husband: *to the cashier* “Excuse me, miss? Can I get a magazine?”

    Cashier: “Oh, sure, I don’t see why not. We can do it as a separate transaction if you’d like?”

    Husband: “Oh? I have to buy them?”

    Cashier: *laughs* “Yes, sir. You would have to buy it.”

    Husband: “Oh… well then, never mind.” *turns to his wife* “This b**** won’t give me a magazine!”

    Wife: “Shut up; you’re being an a**!”

    (The two customers leave and the cashier turns to me.)

    Cashier: “I really hope he was drunk. If not, then what just happened?”

    Not A Turf Decision

    | NE, USA | Bad Behavior

    Caller: “Why did you send me a contract?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “You sent me a lawn contract. For my lawn.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “We send a prospective contract to anyone whose info we have in our system.”

    Caller: “I didn’t ask for it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Caller: “Why did you send this to me?”

    Me: “Well, as I said—”

    Caller: “How do you know how much grass I have?”

    Me: “You see we keep—”

    Caller: “Why did you send this to me?! I didn’t ask for this!”

    Me: “Um, actually, looking at your info, sir, we did your yard two years ago.”

    Caller: *silent*

    Me: “Mr. [Name]?”

    Caller: “Tell me more about this ‘Deluxe Program’ you have here…”

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