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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Off The Clock And Into The Fired

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

    (It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the store where I work when this happens.)

    Customer: “You!” *runs up to me*

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Customer: “That’s not how you respond to a paying customer. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may I help you today, ma’am’, and smile!”

    Me: “Um, actually right now I’m a paying customer too.”

    Customer: “You still work here don’t, you? So, you have to help me or I will get you fired!”

    Me: “I’m not working right now. That means—”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it means!”

    Me: “It means that I cannot help you, will not help you, and it also means I get to walk away.”

    (A few minutes pass. Then the customer returns with my manager.)

    Customer: *points at me* “Her! She refused to help me. Fire her!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, she’s not working today. She’s here as a customer, and if that was you I heard yelling at her, that means I can kick you out of the store for harassing other customers. Please finish your shopping and leave.”

    Customer: “But she still works here so she has to help me! I am the customer! I am right!”

    Manager: “Geez.” *hands me her manager card* “Use this on your stuff to get my discount. I have to deal with this.”

    Me: “Remember boss, the customer is always right!”

    Manager: “Oh, shut up.”

    Do The Return, Feel The Burn

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I’m helping a customer, Customer #1, pick out a watch at a department store jewelry counter. Another customer, Customer #2, interrupts.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me, I have a return. I had to wait in line at Customer Service just to be told I have to come up here.”

    Me: “I’ll be with you in a minute ma’am, I am helping this other lady at the moment.”

    Customer #2: “Well! I don’t have all day!”

    Customer #2: *to me* “You can return that for her.” *whispers* “Before she throws a fit.”

    (I do the return and turn back to Customer #1.)

    Customer #2: “EXCUSE ME! The customer service lady said you would ring this all out for me as well.”

    (Customer #2 holds up 2 boxes of shoes, some shirts, jeans and under garments.)

    Me: “Normally I would be able to, but as I said before I am helping this lady in watches. You can wait until I finish helping her or go up to the registers with your purchases.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you!”

    (Customer #2 storms off to the registers and stands in line, but continues to glare at me from afar.)

    Customer #1: “Whoa! Someone needs a nap!”

    Praise Cheeses

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (Most delis have two slicer machines: one for meat and one for cheese. My coworker is cutting meat for an elderly woman who has placed a very large order, because she’s hosting a book club meeting at her house this afternoon. We’re chatting with her when a 40-something customer approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning. Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Hi. Could I get a half-pound of [brand] roast beef, please?”

    Me: “Certainly. I’m afraid [coworker] here is using the meat slicer to fill this lady’s order at the moment. Could I get you any cheese in the meantime?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want any cheese.”

    Me: “Okay, then. If you want to do some more shopping and come back in a few minutes I should have your order ready by then.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have any more shopping to do. This is the last thing I’m buying.”

    Me: “I see. Then I’m afraid there will be a little wait while my coworker finishes cutting meat for her order.”

    Customer: “What do you mean I have to wait? That slicer’s not being used, just use that one!”

    (She gestures toward the cheese slicer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s our cheese slicer. I’m afraid I can’t cut meat with that one.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “It’s a possible health hazard. They call it cross-contamination, and that’s what happens if I use equipment to prepare food for you that was just touching something you’re allergic to. Say, if you came to get cheese but were allergic to some kind of meat, the meat juice could get on the cheese you order and make you sick.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not allergic to any kind of meat or cheese. Just use the stupid slicer already!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that. Even though you might not have any allergies, some of our other customers might. On top of that, our management has a zero-tolerance policy for that. I could get fired for doing it.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s an idiotic policy! I’m not other customers, I’m me! I don’t care what happens to your other customers! If they’re allergic to meat it’s just proof that God wants to get rid of them so they won’t inconvenience people like me!”

    Me: “Well, I do care about our other customers, ma’am. And I’m going to ask you to please lower your voice and not tell them that God wants them to die, or I’ll have to call my manager over.”

    Customer: “Go ahead and call him, smart guy! You think you know what God wants better than I do? I’ve gone to [church] for 10 years!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I don’t think I know what God wants. Actually, I don’t believe in God.”

    Customer:You’re an atheist! No wonder you won’t just cut my f***ing meat! You were sent here by Satan himself to stop me! You’re just like Hitler or Saddam Hussein! Call your manager over here right now, so I can tell him there are demons casting spells over his meat!”

    (Fed up, the elderly woman my coworker is serving slaps her own forehead and turns to the raving customer.)

    Elderly Woman: “Miss, you need to hush your fat mouth up and let these folks do their job. They don’t need you hooting and carrying on. And I’ll have you know I’ve been attending [the same church] for 40 years, and I know that over there they teach you to have some respect and decency! No wonder you don’t have any, because you can’t hear anything over the sound of yourself screeching! And whatever that young man believes about God is between God and himself, but God loves him no matter what.”

    (The customer is silent, and then stammers angrily for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “Well, he, uh… he should have just cut my d*** meat!”

    (She storms out of the store.)

    Elderly Woman: “Some people have no tact.”

    Me: “Would you like to try a free sample of our [most expensive cheese], ma’am?”

    Elderly Woman: “I’d love to, young man. God bless you.”

    Me: “He already does, ma’am.”

    Shatter-Resistant, Not Idiot-Resistant

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    Customer #1: “Hey, these bowls say shatter-resistant… that means that don’t break, right?”

    Me: “Well, it doesn’t mean they don’t break. ‘Shatter-resistant’ just means they’re much harder to break.”

    Customer #1: “Huh… that’s really neat.”

    (Customer #1 and #2 seem fascinated by shatter-resistant bowls, and thus begin to experiment. They begin to tap the bowls, nicking the bowls with their finger. One even starts to lightly bang it on the shelf. Then Customer #1 nods to Customer #2, and then SUMO SLAMS the bowl at full force into the ground, shattering the bowl to pieces.)

    Customer #1: “Wha… why did the bowl break?”

    Me: “As I said, the bowls were shatter-resistant not shatter-proof.”

    Customer #2: “But they broke!” *to Customer #1* “That’s false advertisement.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah! That’s false advertisement! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Um, you didn’t buy anything, though.”

    Customer #1: “So! That’s false advertisement! I demand my money back or to talk to your manager.”

    (I decide at this point that I doubt these customers will even listen to me, so I call down my manager.)

    Manager: “Hello there. How may I help you today?”

    Customer #1: “These bowls say they are shatter-resistant, but they still broke when I dropped it on the ground! That means it’s false advertisement.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but shatter resistant means it’s harder to break. It does not mean it’s shatter proof.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I want my money back for this worthless product.”

    Manager: “Well, we can do that if you have your receipt.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I didn’t buy any of them yet.”

    Customer #2: “But it’s false advertisement. She deserves her money back.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I cannot refund you your money if you didn’t buy anything.”

    Customer #1: “But it’s false advertisement! I want my money back.”

    Manager: “Again, I can’t refund you your money if you didn’t buy anything…”

    (These two customers went back and forth with my manager for at least a half hour. My manager had security escort them out because they began to break more bowls to prove their point!)

    David Vs. On-The-Warpath

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Top

    (I’m helping a very nice woman with her cellphone. Suddenly, a man built like a bodybuilder comes rushing into the store, his arms full of documents.)

    Me: *to the man* “I’ll be with you in just a few minutes.”

    (Instead of waiting, the man pushes the woman out of the way to get to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need to use one of your computers. Can you log me in?” *gestures towards a setup of demo laptops*

    Me: “Uh, for what, exactly?”

    Customer: “I need to do some online banking quickly. Just f***ing unlock one of those computers already.”

    Me: “Look, I can’t let you do that. Those machines get sold, and if somebody gets your bank info off of a machine I sell them, I’m liable. More so, your attitude isn’t very respectful, sir.”

    Customer: “I don’t f***ing care if people steal my bank info! I just need to get this s*** done. Now, let me on!”

    Me: “No. There’s a public library open further down the street, but I refuse to allow you onto our machines, not just for liability reasons, but for how you’re treating me.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you then!”

    Me: “You can leave my store, or I can call the police on you. Your choice.”

    (The man walks out of the store raging, and the woman I am helping before just looks at me shocked.)

    Woman: “I am amazed you talked to him like that. He looked like he could have snapped you in half!”

    Me: “At some point, you just get tired of some people. Let’s finish you up here.”

    (Later that week, I got a commendation from Head Office, star service award. I was nominated by the woman I served that night.)


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