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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Locked On That Reading List

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

    Customer: “I have some books on hold.”

    (I find the three books, give them to her, and watch as she walks to a chair nearby to read. I keep an eye on her while helping other customers checkout before my manager announces that the store has officially closed. I look over to see that the customer has left two of her books on the ground and is looking at the bookmarks. Thinking she didn’t hear the announcement, I ask if she is ready for final checkout.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m ready.” *walks over and puts down a ‘For Dummies’ computer book*

    (I scan the book and hand her the receipt along with a short ‘suggested reading’ list that our computer automatically prints with every transaction. I turn to start shelving books but notice that the woman is holding the ‘suggested reading’ list in front of her face scrutinizing it with a scrunched up angry face.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that is some suggested titles that the computer thinks that you would enjoy based on your purchase today.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that you had these books in your store when I called in earlier?” *slams the list down*

    Me: *stares at her and blinks once* “The books on that list aren’t necessarily books we have in the store. It’s just a general list of titles that you might be interested in.”

    Customer: “When I called in earlier, you said that you had only three books on this subject! Now you tell me that you have these books too?”

    Me: “I don’t know if we have these books, ma’am. I would have to look them up.”

    Customer: “You don’t know? How can you not know? Get me someone who does know something!”

    (I see my manager walking over and wave for him to handle the customer.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “When I called in twenty minutes ago, I was told that you only had three books on this subject! And now this girl here tells me that there’s more books on this subject and I demand that you find them for me!” *brandishes the list in front of my manager*

    Manager: “Ma’am, this is a suggested titles list. This doesn’t mean that we have them in the store. It’s possible to look for these books but—”

    Customer: “Well I demand that you go find these books for me! I’m a paying customer and I have the right for you to serve me!”

    Manager: “You do have the right for us to help you but it will have to be another time. The store is closed.”

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Manager: “The store is closed, ma’am. It has been closed for ten minutes now. The only things we are allowed to do is ring you out and wish you a pleasant evening.”

    Customer: “I want you to find these books for me!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry but the store is closed. I have to lock the store up for the night so that we can organize the store again.”

    Customer: “This is false advertising!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can’t even guarantee that we have these books in our store. It’s a suggested titles list not an inventory list. It is also very late and I need to lock up the store.”

    Customer: “I demand to speak to a manager!”

    Manager: “I am a manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, then I want a phone number that I can call so that I can complain about this terrible service!”

    (My manager gives the woman the phone number to our customer service line. She takes the paper smugly and shoves it into her book. My manager gestures towards the door, opens it for her, and waits for her to leave.)

    Customer: *as she is leaving* “You better lock up! LOCK UP!”

    (My manager eventually locks the door and sighs.)

    Me: “…I don’t know how you managed to stay cool like that but that was awesome.”

    Manager: “The crazy ones are always the ones here the latest. You get used to it.”

    Doesn’t Prank Very Highly With Him

    | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the graveyard security shift when the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Company] guard shack. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Hey, I just wanted to make sure your refrigerator was running.”

    Me: “Already caught it running down Oregon Road. Is there something I can help you with?”

    (He apparently places his hand badly over the speaker because I can still hear him.)

    Caller: *to someone else* “Dude, it didn’t work. Got another?”

    Other Person: “Try the Prince Albert one!”

    Me: “I’ll stop you two right there; I’ve got Prince Albert in a can, Queen Elizabeth in a box, and the Duke of Earl in a bar with Tom, Dick, and Harry. Unless you have actual business with me, you can just hang up now before I trace this call and put your a** in the grass.”

    (*click*)

    Naked And Unafraid

    | Enschede, The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (We get a lot of ‘dirty’ calls because it is a toll-free number. This one guy is a ‘regular.’)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: *heavy breathing* “So… what colour undies are you wearing?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s Monday. On Monday we don’t wear clothes. It’s policy.”

    (I disconnect the call, smiling at the man’s stunned silence. One minute late my coworker gets a call. All I hear is:)

    Coworker: “Oh, naked sir. It’s Monday after all!”

    (He hung up and we had a good laugh about it.)

    Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I and my girlfriend work at the same restaurant, I’m the head chef and she’s the manager. We’re both women and although we don’t hide our relationship, we don’t flaunt it either. My girlfriend has finished for the day and the owner has come in to cover her. She comes into the kitchen to say goodbye to everyone and kisses me (a very brief kiss on the lips) then leaves. Five minutes later the owner comes in to me to say a complaint has been made by a customer regarding a ‘lesbionic’ relationship.)

    Owner: “This woman’s being a right b**** about it, saying she won’t pay for her meal, it ruined her night, it’s blasphemous, and everyone’s going to Hell.”

    Me: “She’s one of those. I’ll go deal with her.”

    (I go to the customer and introduce myself as the head chef. She’s about 30, expensively dressed (her dress looks silk but the belt, collar, & cuffs are sequined), lots of jewellery, and a tattoo on her ankle of rosary beads. She’s with a man a little older that her, clean shaven, short back and sides hair cut.)

    Customer: “The food was delicious. Are you in charge? Do you know you have lesbians in your kitchen? Maybe you should tell them not everyone wants to see that sort of thing. It’s terribly upsetting and offensive to my religious beliefs.”

    (I have done my fair share of reading on the subject of homosexuality and the Bible, so I have an answer well prepared for people like her.)

    Me: “Have you read the Bible? Timothy 2:9 says ‘I want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not adorning themselves with gold or pearls or expensive clothes.’ That’s some nice jewellery you’re wearing. It also says, Leviticus 19:19 ‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.’ Your silk dress is beautiful, as are the collar and cuffs. In a different material. It also says Leviticus 19:28 ‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves.’ I like your rosary tattoo. It also says Leviticus 19:27 ‘Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.’ Your husband looks very smart tonight. It also says Leviticus 11:8 ‘You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.’ And Leviticus 11:10 ‘And all that have not fins and scales in the seas and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.” I believe they refer to pork and shellfish. How was your ‘surf & turf?’ We only use the best pork sausages and finest lobster.”

    (The man sits there with his head bowed but the woman stares at me with pure hatred.)

    Me: “Now, I don’t know about you but it seems silly that you are willing to overlook all those sins about yourself and focus on one thing that isn’t even mentioned in the Bible. If I was as judgemental as you I would say you only kicked up a fuss to get out of paying for you meal. But that’s like stealing. I’ll send a waitress over with your bill.”

    (I went back to cooking. I could hear a couple of other customers laughing at the woman. The husband paid, leaving a big tip. I could see them outside having what looked like a pretty good argument!)

    Remain As Cold As Ice

    , | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager in a well-known fast food restaurant.)

    Customer: “You a**holes are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “You stupid mother-f***ers are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I assure you we’re not trying to kill you. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I ordered a [Soda] with no f****** ice, and you stupid mother-f***ers filled the cup with ice! I am deathly allergic to ice!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. Let me fix that for you.”

    Customer: “You’d better fix it. And I want my f****** money back, you stupid mother-f***er. I’m going to call the district office and have you all fired.”

    Me: “Sure. I need to get that number from my office, as well as a refund slip for you to sign.”

    (She continues to call me assorted names as I walk away.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait. Just print your name and sign. You can include a contact number if you’d like the district manager to call you.”

    Customer: “I’m calling the f***ing office first thing tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “I apologize again. Here’s your money, and here’s your [Soda], no ice, to which you are deathly allergic. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good night.”

    (She leaves the store still cussing up a storm.)

    Next Customer: “That was amazing. Your facial expression didn’t change a bit the whole time.”

    Me: “That’s because a decade of working customer service has left me dead inside. Now I’m going outside for a cigarette to try to finish off the rest of me.”

    (The next morning I got a phone call from the district manager about how I was rude and unsympathetic to her serious medical issue, which she conveniently didn’t explain to him. I faxed him the refund slip with the reason for refund: Customer is deathly allergic to the solid form of water. He ended up praising me for not physically assaulting her.)

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