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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Who Does She Sink She Is

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

    (I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)

    Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”

    (My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)

    Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”

    Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”

    Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”

    Woman:Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”

    Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”

    Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”

    He Already Has Enough Issues

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners

    (One of my co-workers is checking out a couple.)

    Cashier: “Alright, so your total is [total].”

    (The wife starts paying with debit. Her husband is scanning our magazines at the side of the till.)

    Husband: *to the cashier* “Excuse me, miss? Can I get a magazine?”

    Cashier: “Oh, sure, I don’t see why not. We can do it as a separate transaction if you’d like?”

    Husband: “Oh? I have to buy them?”

    Cashier: *laughs* “Yes, sir. You would have to buy it.”

    Husband: “Oh… well then, never mind.” *turns to his wife* “This b**** won’t give me a magazine!”

    Wife: “Shut up; you’re being an a**!”

    (The two customers leave and the cashier turns to me.)

    Cashier: “I really hope he was drunk. If not, then what just happened?”

    Not A Turf Decision

    | NE, USA | Bad Behavior

    Caller: “Why did you send me a contract?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “You sent me a lawn contract. For my lawn.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “We send a prospective contract to anyone whose info we have in our system.”

    Caller: “I didn’t ask for it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Caller: “Why did you send this to me?”

    Me: “Well, as I said—”

    Caller: “How do you know how much grass I have?”

    Me: “You see we keep—”

    Caller: “Why did you send this to me?! I didn’t ask for this!”

    Me: “Um, actually, looking at your info, sir, we did your yard two years ago.”

    Caller: *silent*

    Me: “Mr. [Name]?”

    Caller: “Tell me more about this ‘Deluxe Program’ you have here…”

    Shaming Special On The Pre-Wedding Aisle

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I am in a grocery store with my two-year-old nephew. I am 22, and wearing my engagement ring.)

    Other Customer: “Hey, you!”

    Me: “Me?”

    Other Customer: “Yeah, you. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

    Me: “What?”

    Other Customer: “It’s bad enough that teenagers like you seem to think you can just sleep with people. Then you have kids and try to act like you could raise them!”

    Me: He’s—”

    Other Customer: “It’s things like this that show me that you have absolutely no respect for this country! The entire country is going down the tubes. It’s appalling to think that you would ever even consider having a child outside of wedlock.”

    (An employee comes into the aisle to stock things, but overhearing the other customer’s comments speaks up in my defense.)

    Employee: “Hey, are you going to even let her talk? She doesn’t have to, but I think she’s entitled to respond to the things you’re saying.”

    Other Customer: “You keep out of this. There is nothing she can say to make it any better.”

    Me: “Actually, there is. One, this is my nephew. Two, I’m 22, which means if he were my child, I would have been twenty when he was born. Third, his parents are married and have been since before he was even conceived. Fourth, before you start flying off about unmarried people, you may want to check their ring hand.” *I hold up my hand* “I’m engaged, but you couldn’t know I wasn’t married. Fifth, even if I was 17, and this was my child, and I wasn’t married, why would it be any of your business?”

    (The customer doesn’t say anything, and slowly walks away. I turn to the employee.)

    Me: “Thanks.”

    Employee: “No problem. That actually turned out as well as it possibly could have. I was mostly saying it so you could just say, ‘None of your business’. It’s even better that none of the things that she was accusing you of were true.”

    She Let It Get To Her Head

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes to the counter with an expensive hair treatment.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, this appears to be used. Do you have any others?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just finished putting our stock away. If that was the last one on the shelf, then it’s the last one we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I suppose I’ll get it anyway. I’ve never tried it before, but I pumped some out and it does feel very nice.”

    Me: “Ma’am, were you the one that opened and used it?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I had to see what it was like before I spent all this money on it! Now, are you sure there aren’t any more in the back? I really don’t want to buy something that’s been used!”


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