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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I spot a young woman looking shiftily around, obviously checking to make sure no associates are watching her. I step up behind her as quietly as I can; she hasn’t spotted me yet. She starts putting a couple stacks of shirts into her bag.)

    Me: “Ah-HEM!”

    (She freezes, and slowly turns around.)

    Woman: “I was just—”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Woman: “I really need—”

    Me: “Mm-hmm?”

    (She sheepishly puts the stack of shirts back onto the table, and starts to walk towards the exit.)

    Me:All of it please, ma’am.”

    (She scowls like a little kid, stomping over and throwing the last shirt in her bag at me.)

    Woman: “I’ll sue you all!” *stomps out*

    Flying Off The Pan-Handle

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (My coworker and I work in retail, but we are the customers in this story. We decide to hang out at her place after work. I order some pizza, and pick it up on the way to her house.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m [name], and I’m here to pick up my order.”

    Assistant Manager: “I am terribly sorry, sir. There has been a mistake with your order. We’re trying to fix it as soon as we can.”

    Me: “Oh, dear. What happened? If it’s the wrong toppings, I’ll still take it.”

    Assistant Manager: “No, sir, unfortunately one of our staff members accidentally gave your order to another customer. I am very sorry about this. We’ve just remade your order, and it’ll be done in just a couple of minutes.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine, I totally understa—”

    My Coworker: “WHAT?! I can’t believe you let this happen!”

    Me: “Whoa, calm down, [coworker]! People make mistakes, and it’s not going to take very long.”

    My Coworker: “No! I will not calm down, this is an outrage!”

    (My coworker addresses the assistant manager.) “I demand that we be compensated for this inconvenience! I can’t believe they let you be assistant manager around here!”

    Me: “Hey, hey, time out! I’m the one paying here, so you have no right to talk to him like that!”

    Coworker: “No, the customer is ALWAYS right! He should throw in a few extras for free!”

    Me: “Okay, if he did that, our order is gonna take even longer.”

    (Not even one minute after our short argument, our pizzas get brought up to the front. I pay for exactly what I ordered, no more, no less, and we leave. On the way back to my car, my coworker is still muttering.)

    Coworker: “I still think we should’ve gotten some free breadsticks or something.”

    Me: “Listen. You work in customer service too. You go through the exact same s*** he does, and I know YOU wouldn’t tolerate customers who fly off the handle like you just did. I am not impressed with the blatant hypocrisy you just displayed.”

    Coworker: “No, this is different! Our customers think they’re always right! In my case, I actually am!”

    Me: “Normally, I’d make you walk home for saying such a dumb comment, but I really don’t want to expose your current state to the general public.”

    The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (A man comes in and starts looking through the clothes. He grabs a pair of pants, and starts fast-walking towards the door.)

    Coworker: “Sir, are you going to pay for those?”

    Man: “No.”

    Coworker: “Sir, we really need you to pay for those.”

    Man: “NO!”

    Me: “Please, sir! We need those back!”

    Man: “I need them more!”

    (The man bolts out the door. We look at each other for a moment dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.)

    Prescription Affliction

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a pharmacy technician. The pharmacist receives a call.)

    Caller: “This is Lisa; I am calling from Dr. [name]‘s office. I need to call in a prescription for a patient.”

    Pharmacist: “Sure, what is the patient’s name?”

    Caller: “It is [name].”

    Pharmacist: “And the prescription?”

    Caller: “It’s [narcotic], 90 pills, three times a day.”

    Pharmacist: “Okay, thanks.”

    (The pharmacist hangs up and turns to me, frowning.)

    Pharmacist: “Do you know anything about this?”

    Me: “What? No, why?”

    (The pharmacist shows me the called-in prescription.)

    Me: “Oh! Lisa was fired months ago. You had better call the police.”

    (When Lisa comes in to pick up the narcotic prescription for her boyfriend, the police are there to arrest her. The Doctor she used to work for is my father; she was trying to use his license number to get pills from a dozen nearby pharmacies.)

    Her Slap Is Worse Than Her Bite

    | Waterford, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (An elderly woman approaches me.)

    Customer: “Miss, can you please do me a favour?”

    Me: “Sure thing. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I need you to look after my dog.”

    (I am slightly alarmed, as we are in the fresh meat section.)

    Me: “Is your dog in the shop?”

    Customer: “Of course not! Who brings a dog to a shop?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry but I can’t mind your dog. As you can see I’m actually working in the store at the moment, so I can’t leave.”

    Customer: “Are you refusing to help me?!”

    Me: “No, miss. I’m afraid I simply can’t leave in the middle of a shift to mind a stranger’s dog.”

    (She proceeds to slap me HARD in the face.)

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?!”

    (She slaps me on the other cheek, and storms away. I turn to find a queue of customers at customer service, and a coworker looking on in horror.)

    Me: “I need hazard pay for this job.”

    Other Customer: “Holy s***, how did you not slap her back?”

    Me: “Years of practice.”


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