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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Bad Behavior

    His Translation Is A Sham(rock), Part 2

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Top

    (I am a customer checking out at a grocery store I shop at every week. There is one customer ahead of me. Paper and plastic bags are 5 cents each.)

    Cashier: “Would you like a bag for your items, sir?”

    Customer: *unintelligible grunt*

    Cashier: “I beg your pardon, sir?”

    Customer: *grunts again and waves*

    (The cashier starts to put the groceries in a plastic bag.)

    Customer: “What?! What the h*** do you think you’re doing?! I said no!

    (He starts into a loud, abusive tirade about how stupid the cashier is.)

    Me: *to the cashier* “Just tell him ‘Pogue Mahone’ (póg mo thóin). It’s an Irish saying that people say when they want to end an argument.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I know exactly what it means! I read notalwaysright.com!”

    Me: *smirks* “Do you really?”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes, I do, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “Oh? Then why are you acting like a customer who belongs on there?”

    (The customer turns bright red and shuts up. He is silent for the rest of his transaction. As he is getting ready to leave, he turns to me.)

    Customer: “Any chance this can stay just between us?”

    Me: *grins and laughs* “Not a chance in h***!”

    Customer: *scowls* “B****!”

    (He finally leaves.)

    Cashier: “This is going on notalwaysright.com, isn’t it?”

    Me: *still grinning* “You bet!”

    (She ended up convincing her manager to give me an employee discount on my groceries because I got one of the rudest regulars to shut his mouth.)

    Related:
    His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

    How To Make The Customer Blossom

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Top

    (A gentleman approaches the counter; he is clearly well-off and his tone is rather arrogant and sharp.)

    Customer: “You’re going to make me a bouquet for my wife, for delivery.”

    Me: “Oh, wonderful! For an anniversary?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *scoffs* “Give me roses.”

    (The customer proceeds to waste both our time making disparaging remarks regarding our roses, and brushing me off when I state they aren’t cleaned yet. He is arrogant and rude about the delivery times, and orders me about a little more. By the end I’m answering him quite sharply and quickly; he seems to notice. We part ways amicably. A couple of days pass; the customer comes in while I’m working with my boss. He points at me.)

    Customer: “You! You made up a bouquet for my wife the other day.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. How did she like it?”

    Customer: “Fine. I left my debit card, though.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t catch that. I’ll just get it from the office.”

    (I’m now off-shift and punched out. While we wait for the supervisor to bring the card, I make small talk.)

    Me: “So, she liked the flowers? How thoughtful to make sure she got flowers on her anniversary!”

    (He visibly warms towards me. He receives his card.)

    Customer: “I need three roses. I need your help.”

    (We choose three beautiful, long-stemmed yellow roses. I wrap them up for him and put him through, and pass him the roses. He hands them back to me.)

    Customer: “These are for you. The bouquet for my wife was beautiful; she loved it. Thank you for everything.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the day!)

    If They Were Loud Then Pigs Would Fly

    | Layton, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top

    (My two friends and I are customers at a popular nationwide diner chain. It is around 1 am, and we are seated near a corner table, where three loud, obnoxious diners are seated with a sleeping infant in an open carrier. I am seated with my back to them and my two friends and are, for the most part, successfully ignoring them and quietly talking amongst ourselves. The only other customers in the restaurant are two twenty-something’s seated at a small table directly across the aisle from us doing nothing but reading and trying to ignore the obnoxious diners who are using some fairly vulgar language as they complain about their days. Not surprisingly, their loud cursing wakes up their infant. A few moments later, I feel something hit the back of my neck.)

    Me: *under my breath* “What the…” *reaching up to take the projectile off the back of my neck*

    Friend: “What is that?”

    Me: “…it’s bacon.”

    (Thinking the increasingly-upset child behind me had grabbed something off the diner’s plate and accidentally thrown it my way as its parents tried unsuccessfully to calm it, I set aside the bacon from the table behind me and continued trying to ignore the loud diners behind us, as they did not directly address us after the bacon had hit me. Five or ten minutes pass.)

    Loud female diner: *as she walks by our table* “THANKS FOR BEING LOUD!”

    (Her two male friends both give us dirty looks as they pass us and walk towards the front register. We sit and stare in stunned silence. As the lady with the baby pays, we watch her rant to our exhausted waitress and pointing to us. When they finally leave, our waitress came over to us.)

    Me: “What was that all about?!”

    Waitress: “They apparently were blaming you for waking up their baby.”

    Reading customer: “For what it’s worth, we didn’t even realize you guys were there until they yelled at you!”

    Me: “You may want to watch out for them if they come back. They started throwing their bacon at me.”

    Waitress: *stunned* “I hate the night shift.”

    Would Make A Great Book One Day

    | Moncton, NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a cashier in a book store during the holiday season. It’s just me and one other cashier working the registers as it’s a slow afternoon. One woman walks up and asks to do a return on a book. As my coworker is authorized for returns, she goes ahead and takes over.)

    Coworker: “Alright Ma’am, I just need the receipt and the book you’re returning.”

    (The customer places a bag on the counter and hands the receipt to my co-worker. The coworker scans the receipt and start the return transaction.)

    Coworker: “And what would be the reason you’re returning this book?”

    (As she’s asking the question, she’s pulling the book out of the bag to inspect it before furthering the transaction. Upon seeing the book, she finds it is in fact extremely damaged. Before the customer can respond to the first question, my coworker speaks on the company’s policies.)

    Coworker: “…I’m sorry Ma’am, but we can’t take this book back, as it’s not in resellable condition.”

    Customer: “You have to take it back! You’ve got the receipt and you’ve got the book. Now do my return and give me my money!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry Ma’am, but it’s company policy that we can not take any merchandise back that is not in re-sellable condition, unless it is found to be defective.”

    Customer: “Well then, that book is defective! Look at it—the cover is mangled and the pages are stuck together!”

    (Clearly this book has been mishandled before it was brought to be returned.)

    Coworker: “Again, Ma’am, we can not take this book because we can not put it back on the shelves.”

    Customer: “Get me your manager!”

    (My coworker complies with this and pages our manager up to cash. The manager arrives and my co-worker explains what is going on. My manager then reiterates what my coworker told the customer.)

    Customer: “No! You have to take it back. You have the receipt and you have the book! Now give me my money!”

    Manager: “Miss, as we’ve already said, we can not do that as this book is not in resellable condition.”

    Coworker: “Fine! If you won’t take it back, then I’ll make you take it!”

    (The customer then proceeds to rip the book from my coworker’s hands and tears it into pieces. She then proceeds to take the chunks from the book and throw them at my manager. The customer then storms out of the store.)

    Me: “Well… that was sure interesting.”

    A Tale Of Faulty Thieves

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (A family, wife, husband and teenage daughter, bring items to my till, and I start to scan them.)

    Father: “We’re not done yet!”

    Me: “Oh…”

    (They leave their items at my counter and continue to look around. Any time they see something they want, they bring it to my counter and then leave again. It is not busy, so I just scan and bag the items as they drop them off. They finally come with the last item, totaling their bill to over $200.)

    Father: “Is everything done?”

    Me: “Well, it’s not paid for.”

    Father: “I know that! Is it all scanned!?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Father: *to his wife and daughter* “Okay, you guys can take this stuff out to the car then.”

    Me: “Oh, actually, you have to pay first before you leave the store with the items.”

    Father: “EXCUSE ME!?”

    Me: “You can’t leave the store with unpaid merchandise.”

    Father: “You calling me a thief!?”

    Me: “No, I’m just telling you that you have to pay first.”

    Father: “I don’t have to pay before I take your items! I’m a customer!” *to his daughter* “Take the stuff to the car!”

    Me: “Please don’t.”

    (The daughter is now confused and throws her arms up in the air in frustration.)

    Father: “Don’t you tell my daughter what to do!”

    Me: “Um, she can’t leave the store without unpaid merchandise.”

    Father: “You think my card is going to decline!?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but you still have to pay first.”

    (The father rams his card into the machine and stomps his fingers on the keypad. It declines.)

    Me: “It didn’t go through.”

    Father: “This is ridiculous!” *he rams his card up the machine again*

    Me: “You have to wait until the machine is ready.”

    (He rips his card out of the machine and then rams it up the machine again, and hits the buttons extremely hard. It approves and he starts to storm off without his receipt. Then he comes storming back and rips the receipt out of my hand and points to me.)

    Father: “YOU WERE CALLING ME A THIEF!”

    Me: “No, I wasn’t. No one lets customers leave a store with unpaid merchandise!”

    Father: “I am a paying customer! You should be fired for accusing me of stealing! This is the worst customer service I have ever had!” *storms off again*


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