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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

    Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

    (I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

    Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

    Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

    Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

    Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

    Miss Management (Not Mrs)

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (A couple comes up to my checkout with a large amount of sporting goods.)

    Me: “Wow, looks like someone’s getting all their holiday shopping taken care of. Your total is [over $200].”

    Customer: “Ugh, no it isn’t. My husband here is a manager with your company, so we get the employee discount.”

    Me: “Okay…” *leans over to the paging system* “…manager to register two, please.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Why did you just call a manager?”

    Me: “Because you said you and your husband were getting the employee discount.”

    Customer: “Oh, what, and you don’t believe me? You think my husband can’t be a manager because we’re [race], is that it?!”

    Me: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “I’m talking about you calling the manager on us because you’re a f***ing racist. I’ll have you know we drive a BMW and have a lot more money than anyone here, especially a minimum wage nobody like you!”

    (She goes on verbally attacking me, insulting my appearance and just sounding generally crazy. Her husband is quietly standing behind her looking very nervous, but puts a restraining hand on her when she threatens to come behind the counter and teach me a lesson. At some point, the manager I paged approaches the counter.)

    Manager: “Hey, how come you called?”

    Customer: “Are you the manager? I have a complaint! Your employee here is a racist and should be fired for discrimination!”

    Manager: “What happened?”

    Customer: “Little-Miss-Hair-In-Her-Face over here called a manager when I told her my husband was getting the employee discount. We shop here all the time and we’ve never been treated with such disrespect.”

    Manager: “Okay. Well, we can give you a discount once we get this cleared up.”

    Customer: *shoots a smug nasty look at me*

    Manager: “So, since you shop here all the time and work for our company, of course you know that in order to get checked out with an employee discount a store manager has to enter his number and authorization code. Now, I just need his employee number and you’re set.”

    Customer: “…What?”

    Manager: “The employee identification number, we all have one in our system. He does have one, right?”

    Customer: “When I said he worked here, I was just kidding. But she called a manager because she’s a racist!”

    Manager: “No, you weren’t kidding, you were trying to scam her. She called me because she was following the procedure to prevent people like you from getting away with it. I’m voiding your transaction. Please leave.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah? We’ll go to the news! Once everyone hears how racist this place is your store will be shut down!”

    (The customer’s husband, who has been frozen in silence up until this point, suddenly speaks up.)

    Husband: “No, you absolutely will not. You’ve already embarrassed us enough and dragged me into your bull****, don’t even think about dragging me onto TV! I like this store, now how am I supposed to show my face here? It’s bad enough to have a crazy, meana** girlfriend who lies like she breathes, but every time I take you out I’m lucky if the cops don’t get called. Now get in my crappy Volvo everyone can see from the window. I’m taking you home!”

    (Just as the customer’s ‘husband’ said, he was not only not an employee, but he wasn’t even married to her. He came back to the store a few days later and apologized for her behavior, and told us he had dumped her that evening. Because he was so nice about it, my manager told him he wasn’t banned, and when the guy tried to purchase some of the items he’d been trying to pick up the last time my manager gave him a small discount.)

    Plot Twist Of The Truth

    | Mexico City, Mexico | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Top

    (I work at a library that opens Monday through Saturday. It is the Tuesday after a long weekend following the celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day. When I walk in, my assistant looks to be almost in tears while talking to a customer on the phone. I decide to take the call from there.)

    Me: “Good morning. This is the manager. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing with, really. Since you are all a bunch of lazy a**holes. Shame on you.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, I called on Sunday because I needed some very important information and no one picked up the phone. No one, you lazy b****!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but, you see, we close Sundays. Any other day we are happy to help with any information.”

    Customer: “Yeah? Well, explain this to me. I called yesterday and your s****y secretary didn’t even pick up the phone.”

    Me: “Well, because of the long weekend, we were closed this particular Monday.”

    Customer: “What the f***? You close when I need information? Are you deliberately doing this to upset me? This country doesn’t need people like you, you know?!”

    Me: “You mean, people that celebrate its independence? That’s the reason we closed. Banks close this particular day too, you know?”

    Customer: “What?! You mean banks were closed too?! Is this some kind of evil plan you’re all plotting against me?!”

    (At this point, I decide I’ve had enough of her screaming.)

    Me: “YES WE ARE! And now you know, you should never stop looking over your shoulder because we are after YOU.”

    (We never heard from that customer again.)

    Off The Clock And Into The Fired

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

    (It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the store where I work when this happens.)

    Customer: “You!” *runs up to me*

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Customer: “That’s not how you respond to a paying customer. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may I help you today, ma’am’, and smile!”

    Me: “Um, actually right now I’m a paying customer too.”

    Customer: “You still work here don’t, you? So, you have to help me or I will get you fired!”

    Me: “I’m not working right now. That means—”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it means!”

    Me: “It means that I cannot help you, will not help you, and it also means I get to walk away.”

    (A few minutes pass. Then the customer returns with my manager.)

    Customer: *points at me* “Her! She refused to help me. Fire her!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, she’s not working today. She’s here as a customer, and if that was you I heard yelling at her, that means I can kick you out of the store for harassing other customers. Please finish your shopping and leave.”

    Customer: “But she still works here so she has to help me! I am the customer! I am right!”

    Manager: “Geez.” *hands me her manager card* “Use this on your stuff to get my discount. I have to deal with this.”

    Me: “Remember boss, the customer is always right!”

    Manager: “Oh, shut up.”

    Do The Return, Feel The Burn

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I’m helping a customer, Customer #1, pick out a watch at a department store jewelry counter. Another customer, Customer #2, interrupts.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me, I have a return. I had to wait in line at Customer Service just to be told I have to come up here.”

    Me: “I’ll be with you in a minute ma’am, I am helping this other lady at the moment.”

    Customer #2: “Well! I don’t have all day!”

    Customer #2: *to me* “You can return that for her.” *whispers* “Before she throws a fit.”

    (I do the return and turn back to Customer #1.)

    Customer #2: “EXCUSE ME! The customer service lady said you would ring this all out for me as well.”

    (Customer #2 holds up 2 boxes of shoes, some shirts, jeans and under garments.)

    Me: “Normally I would be able to, but as I said before I am helping this lady in watches. You can wait until I finish helping her or go up to the registers with your purchases.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you!”

    (Customer #2 storms off to the registers and stands in line, but continues to glare at me from afar.)

    Customer #1: “Whoa! Someone needs a nap!”


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