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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Bad Behavior

    This Family Business Is A Joke

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

    Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

    (I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

    Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

    Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

    (I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

    Me: “What can I help you find…?”

    Taking The Man Out Of Spiderman

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work as a receptionist for my dad’s chiropractic office. Most of the patients are lovely, but we do have some odd ones. One patient in particular is a little bit sexist, but because he’s never intends to be outright rude, I just try to ignore his somewhat sexist comments. Today when he comes in he tries to play a little joke on me.)

    Patient: *comes up to the desk and starts pointing at a random spot on it* “There’s a spider! Get it! Get it!”

    (I casually look around, as I have had spiders sneak their way to my desk before, but I don’t see anything.)

    Me: “Where is it? I don’t see it.”

    Patient: *gives a bit of an odd look* “Right there! Get it!”

    Me: *look again but still doesn’t see anything* “I still don’t see it. I guess it got away.” *shrugs*

    Patient: *gives me another weird look* “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

    Me: “Spiders don’t really bug me.”

    Patient: “Oh… should I have said it was a snake?”

    Me: “They don’t bug me either. I actually like snakes.”

    Patient: *looks baffled* “What kind of woman are you?!”

    Running Out Of Consideration

    | Marengo, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work at an ice cream and grill. It’s small so it usually doesn’t take long to close up. It’s 8:59 and I’m just about to lock the door when a customer runs in.)

    Me: “You know we close in 20 seconds, right?”

    Customer: “I know; that’s why I ran! I’d like [several meals].”

    Not In Anyone’s Good Books

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”

    Some Employees Never Grow Up

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (When employees forget their name tags we have temporary tags for them to write their name on and stick them to their shirts. One day I forget my tag, so I grab a temporary one and write ‘Smee’ as my name. I am called to assist an older couple with an issue at a register. After the issue is taken care of the conversation goes as follows:)

    Wife: “Smee? What kind of name is that?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s an old family name. Goes back many generations.”

    Wife:  “Really? Is it European?”

    Me:  “English, actually. It started with a famous relative.”

    Wife:  “Oh, how famous?

    (The husband turns away and suppresses a laugh and smile.)

    Me: “Well I had a great, great, great, great, great uncle who sailed with a famous sea captain as his first mate.”

    Wife:  “Really? What sea captain was that?”

    Me:  “Oh, you know, Captain Hook!”

    (The husband cracks up.)

    Wife:  “Oh, my. Wait. Who?”

    (At this point I got called away to another register. As I left the husband and the cashier were laughing and the wife was asking who Captain Hook is.)

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